difficult child finally got himself kicked out of some of his classes

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by welcometowitsend, Jun 10, 2013.

  1. So I got a call from the VP of difficult child's school today. They are finally going to demit him from 2 of the courses he was taking this semester - English and Math. I'm not the least bit surprised. I already knew from the automated phone calls from the school that he had missed more than 75% of his classes.

    I thought about calling him and discussing it with him but I've decided not to. It will only serve to make him angrier with me when he is just going to have to deal with the results of his actions anyway. Guidance will have to bring him in and remake his schedule for next year.

    The only thing I said to the VP was that they need to make it abundantly clear to difficult child that an extra year of high school may not be an option for him if he keeps up with his poor attendance pattern. They'll either force him into a work program in order to help get him his diploma, kick him out when he turns 18 or force him in to adult day school instead of getting to finish at his high school with his friends. It's too late to do anything this year what with only a week left of school before exams - maybe next year he'll get his stuff together to have some success.

    I'm pretty detached from the whole thing. Partly because it's not a surprise and partly because of some of the great info on this board. DDD said something about not searching this stuff out, not looking for it anymore. That is great advice and is helping me immensely. Someone else posted about a sermon by TD Jakes on Letting It Go. I watched that this afternoon. I get it but I always mentally say "Well, that's fine if it's a boyfriend, spouse, cousin, friend... but your own child?" There's a difficulty in completely letting go and I still hold that glimmer of hope. I'm waiting for the magic age of 25 in hopes that he'll find some maturity and perspective and return to some sort of relationship with us.

    I'm actually ok. husband and I were talking today and he said he is getting to the point where it doesn't bother him that much anymore. I'm heading down that path too.

    difficult child is my very own PJ Funnybunny. It was difficult child's favourite book as a kid and I remembered the other day. PJ Funnybunny did not like being a bunny so he left his family and tried being a moose, a bear, a skunk, a beaver, a possum - you name it. Eventually he realized that he was fighting against nature and that he was in fact a bunny and wanted to be a bunny after all. So I can hope that difficult child comes around to that thinking at some point - hopefully sooner rather than later. In the meantime that is his new nickname. :)
  2. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I wish I knew how to make what you are going through now easier, Welcome.

    Where has difficult child been going, when he is supposed to be in class?

    Is it possible for him to take online classes from home, and graduate that way?

    Whatever is going on with difficult child, the social structure at school isn't helping.

    As tough as this is Welcome, try to find time to take care of yourself, and of husband, too.

    Holding you and your son in my thoughts. I hope he pulls this together.

  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Uggggh wtw! I'm so sorry! I'm really happy to hear that you're ok though. That's important. difficult child is making his own decisions for his own life. You need to live yours in the meantime. I like that PJ Funnybunny analogy. It's so true and hopefully one day he will realize it! (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!!!!
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though you are doing well with detaching from this. There's nothing you can do about it, so not worrying yourself is probably the best course of action. I take it that there are no summer school options that the school could talk to him about? Not that you should jump in there on this, but we did it with M. He'd never have graduated HS if we hadn't.

    Your mention of "waiting for the magic age of 25" got me curious. Is there something special that happens with him at 25, like a end of something or beginning of something? Did I miss something?
  5. Barbara - The 2 classes he was kicked out of fell on other friend's lunch periods. His school has 5 periods a day. Periods 2, 3, and 4 are divided into lunch periods. Those were the 2 classes he was skipping and also happened to be the 2 most important classes that would come with homework. Sigh. If he passes cooking class and drama class he will get 3 credits this year.

    Last semester I helped him find a correspondence course that he could do - a very easy one, that would help him get another credit and he never did a stitch of work on it. He says he is going to take a summer school class but I don't have very high hopes that he will attend and pass it.

    JKF - Thank you. I like the PJ Funnybunny analogy too. Hopefully he'll come around. I will love him always regardless but it sure would be nice to have a better relationship.

    Witz - The magic age of 25 is just an age I have in mind and have heard from others that could be a turning point in maturity for difficult child. We have a nephew that went through a lot of koi as a kid and teenager and started to turn himself around in his 20's and has really made himself a success story.

    I spoke to difficult child last night. He was in a foul mood with me as usual. He didn't really want to talk (also as usual) but he did say his drama exam was that night and he was fighting with his group. They all wanted to wear stage make up and he didn't want to so he had basically told them he wasn't participating. Ugh. I don't understand why he can't get along with others. Everything is always someone else's fault, everyone else is always in the wrong. I guess I'll call him today to see if he made up with the group and actually performed his exam. He just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper and doesn't see it.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not everyone who has problems getting along with others is because of a diagnosis but... sometimes, I wonder if he might be a bit Aspie?
  7. Insane - He does have some aspie tendencies. But I guess he wasn't aspie enough for a diagnosis. When we saw the psychiatrist last summer she gave us the DSMIV test for Autism/Aspergers and difficult child tested low in all areas except the intellectual area (really smart, uses big words, that kind of thing). I never thought he was really aspie because he had such a good sense of humour growing up, didn't seem bothered by not having a set schedule, didn't have texture/fabric issues, wasn't ruled by a need for order... but he did have difficulty making friends, he just marched to his own beat, didn't always know how to make a good connection with people and hated crowded loud places.

    I just chalked those traits up to overlapping with the Tourette's and ADHD. Maybe that's wrong and he is Aspie. It was something I wanted to look into last summer with the psychiatrist but I had to tread carefully because difficult child was terrified of that diagnosis. Based on our answers to the DMV IV test psychiatrist said he definitely was not Aspie. I don't know.

    At this point I can't even get him to take his medications or go to the doctor so we are at a standstill in making any progress on that front. Hopefully that will change soon.
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you're doing okay with all of it, with our kids and their antics, doing okay is often the very best we can do. In spite of occasional lapses into the sheer reality of all of it, you, for the most part, do a very good job of detaching. Step by step, like me and the rest of us here, we learn to step away from their actions and choices. Sigh. I'm hoping your Funnybunny does return someday to his roots, we all can still hope for that. In the meantime, many hugs to you..........
  9. RE - Thank you. Seeing you refer to difficult child as my Funnybunny made me smile and soften. I find sometimes that I just feel fed up and angry with him and I don't want to. I think from now on I will call him Funnybunny as a way to remind me to continue to feel kindly towards him as he travels the road he is on.