difficult child found a place to live....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by welcometowitsend, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. I had lunch with difficult child today - 2 weeks in a row and they were both pleasant! Yippee!!

    He has found a place to live - it's a small bedroom in a house shared with the landlord and 3 other renters. $590 a month which is super expensive in my opinion but rent in our area is very pricey.

    So, difficult child has been to social services and I guess they match $0.50 for every dollar he makes at his job. IE> if he makes $100 they will give him $50.00. He is getting very low hours at his work and only making $240 a month right now which would amount to $360 with social services - not enough to make rent. He was offered another job at a clothing store starting right after Christmas. He figures if he gets 6 hours a week at the fast food place and 6 hours a week at the clothing store he'll make $480/month and SS will kick in $240 so that'll be $720. $130 for food and incidentals / month. I'm hoping he gets more hours so he has more $$ to eat.

    We talked about the 2 churches in town that do community suppers. He has enough money from the sale of his dirtbike to cover 3 months rent (Dec, Jan, Feb). In the meantime he's going to have to start saving some money up for month 4. It's a month to month situation - no lease.

    We also talked about ways to save on groceries - bulk oatmeal, dried beans (he hates beans but he may have to learn to love them), sales, etc..

    He is moving in to the place on Wednesday. Kind of weird - he says he's quite happy to sleep on the floor and fold his clothes in piles. I offered him his bed, bedding and dresser - doesn't want them. He does want his alarm clock and the rest of his clothes.

    He is nervous about being able to get out of bed on time and without letting his alarm go off for an hour and disturb everyone in the house. I guess when he was staying at his buddy's he did that and his buddy woke him up my smacking him across the face. LOL. Maybe it will occur to him that was has irritated us for so long also irritates most other people too. So, anyway, we discussed him going to bed much earlier (I don't think this will happen) in order to not sleep through his alarm clock.

    And he is looking forward to this Sunday when he is coming here for Turkey dinner (early Christmas). He said he doesn't want anything for Christmas but I'm going to get him a nice teapot and some specialty teas (he loves tea) along with bus tickets, grocery gift cards, some cash, socks, underwear, that kind of thing.

    He says "I'm living the dream." His dream really is to have a tiny place, very little money to live on and I guess the freedom and independence he figures goes with it. So he certainly has a tiny place and very little money. I wonder how much that will appeal to him when the rent is due and he doesn't have it? I hope he proves me wrong but I don't think it'll take more than 4 or 5 months for him to figure out that 'very little money' gets old really fast.

    Another positive - his guitar teacher says he's already playing like someone who has 3 years experience and he's only been going there for 2 months. difficult child is proud of himself and I am too - he is really quite musically talented.
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    WTWE, I'm so glad to hear your difficult child has found a place. Tiny and spartan, but if independence is that important to him, then perhaps having next-to-nothing that's his is better than having more handed to him by someone else. I'm not sure where in Canada you're located, but in my area $590 a month for rent is really reasonable. Sounds like difficult child made the best deal he could.

    Crossing fingers and toes that he keeps on this positive path. Hope you have a nice early Christmas dinner on Sunday.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    He doesn't want furniture in case he has to move.
    Would he take an air mattress?
    How about a few moving-style boxes (all the same size) for putting clothes in?
  4. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Mine moved out this weekend - signed a lease with a friend and his share is 1,100 a month without adding in the utilities)- they are looking for two more roommates to help - if not, I guess we will be seeing him for dinner a lot more. SO is like, HA, wait till he gets the electric bill LOL Heating the pool alone and running air conditioning is going to be a killer. Mine was never a collector of "stuff" so had pretty much just his bedroom to move. Even though he didn't "need anything" I started collecting stuff for him a few months ago, just in case. His housewarming gift was some new pots and pans, and a microwave. Since we were out of town this weekend, I thought sure I would come home to a lot less of "my" stuff, but he called like every five minutes with "Can I take the spare lamp, can I have a few bath towels, can I have some dish towels, can I take some dog food, can I take the xtra can opener" The old difficult child would have just packed the stuff and left.

    Its baby steps for your difficult child - he is still young - once he finds a better paying job and has a few dollars extra, he will probably move on up real estate wise :) I remember my first apartment was 60.00 a week, came fully furnished with maid service twice a week. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

    An air matress sounds like an excellent idea.

  5. Insane - I was thinking that too. If he has to leave he can just take his clothes and such. I think I will give him a nice laundry basket and one of those rolling hamper carts (I have one) to use. He can store his clothes in the laundry basket and use the cart to go to the laundromat. An air mattress is a good idea. Maybe my mom and dad can give him one for Christmas.

    Marcie - $60 a week, fully furnished with maid service! I think I'd have died and gone to heaven too! LOL. It sounds like your difficult child has come a long way. $1100 a month for half the rent is pretty pricey. Phew! I can certainly understand why they are looking for roommates. At least he doesn't have far to come to visit for dinner. :)
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Around here, $5-600 for a room is the going rate. I am stunned that a person would pay $1100 for half rent. OMG. I'd be homeless. I pay less than that for full rent (minus utilities that I also pay though, including water/hydro/gas). Mind you I am not renting a full house. I rent in a semi, top floor 3 bedroom. Thankfully the downstairs tenants are so good that one wouldn't know there was another tenant, its that quiet. Even still, my rent is considered very high. This is for a family. I can't imagine being single and forking over that kind of money to split a home. A pool though sounds great. lol

    Anyhow WTWE, I'm glad your difficult child found a place to hang his hat. I really hope he can get the hours to make some extra money. It would be so good for him to be able to swing this beyond when his current funds from his bike sale run out. A great learning experience, and if he can make it work after the initial few months, he will have that pride in knowing how good it feels to work for your own keep. I'm rooting for him.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    WTWE, this all sounds encouraging! It made me smile to read his thoughts on "living the dream" ahhhh, to be so innocent. Well, he's living his dream and you are doing a great job staying connected in a loving way and yet letting him go too. Good job Mom! (((HUGS)))
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    It may be silly but I feel excited for him. difficult child or not, but I can still remember that excitement from my first own home (yeah, it wasn't much, but I was out of home and independent and it was exciting.) Yes, he is young and naive and will learn it is not that easy. But I think that him wanting it and taking enjoyment from it is a very good sign. I would be much more worried if young adult wouldn't want independence.

    I also love how you have been able to keep the distance, let him manage his own life and at the same time showed love and support to him. Excellent job!

    There will be bumps on the road, some maybe big ones, but I love that you got a good start to different kind of relationship with him.
  9. Mattsmom - I'm also hoping that he makes it past the first few months and finds a way to make enough money to live on and remain independent. I would like to see him proud of himself and would like to tell him how proud I am of him for accomplishing what he set out to do.

    RE - Yes, his dream certainly isn't my dream but that's ok. I can remember the first apartment my hubby and I ever got. It was teeny tiny and not the prettiest but it was ours and I loved it. His dreams will change as he matures as ours have.

    SuZir - I'm kind of excited for him too. I'm rooting for him that this works because he wants it to. I know it's not what's best for him nor is it the easiest path but he seems happy and excited and that's a good thing.

    I do have some concerns and worries but only time will tell how that works out. For now he is warm, safe, has enough money for a few months rent and is going to school.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I think that's great! Maybe he doesn't want much because he is fearful (1) he would become a target or (2) he might fear he would make poor choices. Whatever...I'm rootin' for him. Hugs DDD