smiles smiles smiles... Thank you all. again again again.. What we do each day is so hard... what we do the few times we have the opportunity is even harder... and totally terrifiying!
I hope all of you are right (that makes me right too.. right?!).. It is the hardest and easiest thing to love them. I know you all agree with that.. I have heard it in every post from everyone out here in every forum.
What was really hard was to go with my own way of handling things when I could hear so much concern from everyone. I read all the things everyone offered and I saw so much wisdom in them all and I was so afraid of making steps that would ultimately cause more harm than good (for everyone involved). But in truth, you all kept me grounded and I just followed my beliefs for my daughter. All of our difficult child's are different, they are all led and pushed by different things. I am as close as it gets to being the authority on my own difficult child, and it is the same for each of us. So, I did not let the exact way everyone else thinks or sees my situation dictate how to handle it, I let it keep my eyes open and focused. I felt every persons words to the bottom of my toes and it kept me real. I was never alone today. I never am, I am trying to remember that. None of us ever are, but, goodness knows, it feels that way sometimes.
I understand that if she ever lives at home again that things have to be different. I know that.. really I do. But deep inside, I think the rules and expectations were part of the problem and part of the reason she could not stay here to begin with. So, I can't do that again, I can't set her up to fail, and I can't take the disapointment. And I won't put myself or her through that.
The money I gave her and her "friends" was free, they did not ask for it. I gave it to them with information about the hotel. But, I made it clear that it was up to them how they wanted to use it. It never crossed my mind to make sure of what they did with it. I knew they might go buy drugs and sleep in the car. But, I did not think they would.. I waited to see what I thought of them before offering it and felt ok with my choice, whether it was right or wrong. They actually called me and told me that one of the boys mothers paid for the room with her credit card and then they asked me what to do with the money (shock). The boy who drove really wanted to have his oil changed.. rofl (after driving thousands of miles)... I simply told them to try to remember that they needed a place to sleep tomorrow night also and it was up to them what to do with the money, it was given freely with no expectations.
I will say this.. I am not trying to make this work.. I am trying to survive it. I am hoping that the way I am surviving it will help someone else and maybe just maybe it will help my difficult child on her chosen path. Maybe not.. no expectations..
Hugs.. I am having my second glass of wine and going to bed... knowing my daughter is close.....dreamy feeling... pinch me...let me have my one night.. tomorrow i will face reality again..
Rhonda
Had those medications in a ziplock and hidden before they crossed the state line! Along with all valuables! I mean I even locked up the tylenol! Good news is so far nothing is missing and I havent seen that tendencey yet. I think it is just the "not wanting to bite the hand that feeds" yet! If I give her the opp.. might happen though.
