difficult child gift obsession. Would this be rude...?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    difficult child 2's former babysitter bought him a present for Christmas. The only time we've been together with her since Christmas (which was Saturday), there were other children around that she didn't get a gift for, so we held off on exchanging gifts, but she told difficult child quietly before we left that she'd gotten him a gift.

    difficult child is OBSESSING over this gift. He cries at least 4 times a day over this gift, and brings it up much more than that. (and his docs say they don't see Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) signs here...sheesh - anyway, I digress...)

    Would it be just plain rude of me to call up babysitter and tell her what's happening and get this gift exchange over with? She knows difficult child well, she kept him for 3 years.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    My daughter, who has a serious anxiety disorder but not Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), obsesses over gifts, too.

    I'd recommend just calling the babysitter today and inviting her over at the earliest possible mutually convenient time. If you think she'd understand, you can explain how excited difficult child is about her gift.

    Good luck.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Ditto - just ask her over for a tea party so you can give her your gift.
  4. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    I wonder if this is less of the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and more of him just being a little kid wanting a present which is emphasized by the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Know what I mean??? One of the things we do for time frames is get a calender out and mark down days. Everyday make it a point to mark off the next day, count how many are left, etc. (if you already had a prearranged day to meet with the sitter again).
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    In the early years difficult child went through gift obsession to the point where it caused severe angst. I'm sure it was his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) perservating coming out.

    Put him out of his misery. It would be especially appropriate to call if the two of you have a gift lined up for her--in this case you don't need to explain.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Thanks for the input.

    I'm sure part of it is little kid, but its obsessive, even for a little kid. If his whining and crying had worked for him even one time in the past years, I could understand it, but he's never gotten to open a present early, yet it continues. I mean, our tree is down, gifts put away, etc etc etc, we don't see this sitter anymore, there are no "reminders", yet it is constantly on his mind. He only *cries* 3 or 4 times a day, but it comes up hourly at least, and was all he would talk about until we started walking away when he talked about it (he'll cry about it, tho, whether we're in his presence or not).

    I don't know if he's Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or not, half his team says he is, other half says he's not, but he toes walks, hand flaps, beats his head agains the wall/chair/seat, does not read facial expressions AT ALL, and obsesses over more than just gifts - can't say the signs aren't there.

    His gift obsession has nearly ruined the holidays the past years he's been big enough to be aware of what's going on. He knows the tree can go up at Thanksgiving (thank you blaring tv commercials) but we don't put presents under it or talk about gifts or exchanges or even Santa anymore because this is where we end up. (and on the Santa note, he hears songs or people asking him if he's been good this year and he ends up in a heap on the floor because, as he says, he's so bad - so the Santa that comes to our house is not a judge of character or behavior - he comes to all). But once difficult child finds out there are gifts for him, it is a constant battle (literally constant) to get him to focus on anything else. Its the first thing he says when he wakes up in the morning, comes home from school, its just all the time.

    Our gift to the sitter and her kids is dinner out and I'm taking her kids for a day/evening at the playplex (not McDonald's playplace), so there's nothing to unwrap and we've already told them. But she knows difficult child and how he can be, so I just emailed her and explained what was going on and asked if we could get together soon. She's a good friend, she knows difficult child as well as anyone (she was the first one who talked to me about him having some "issues"), I think she'll understand.

    A little positive spin on my wee difficult child, tho - when he woke up Christmas morning and found what Santa left under the tree for him, I watched/listened from my room for a while...he looked at each thing, and after the initial marveling, would look to the ceiling and say "Thank you, Santa" for each thing he was given.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Before starting Depakote this summer, difficult child 2 would obsess over stuff like that, and other things too. And even after reaching a therapeutic level with Depakote, when he's overtired, he would start to get "stuck" on things again. psychiatrist just added Lamictal to the mix because he said that the obesessiveness tells him difficult child 2 was not yet stable and was still a bit fragile.

    His dad also gets obesessive about things. But since starting Lamictal for seizures last month, that has improved for him as well.

    Just wanted you to know that we've experienced the obsessiveness, too.
  8. ggluvbug

    ggluvbug New Member

    My son does the same thing. If the babysitter knows him, then I would imagine she would understand. My son would have had a nervous breakdown by this point if he hadn't been able to get his gift.

    I can remember reading something about the fixations in the Bipolar Child. It is one of the harder traits in my son to manage.