difficult child - girlfriend drama..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Ok, school is tough enough with difficult child. But for the past six months he has had a girlfriend. A very well off girlfriend.

    They text'd and talked on the phone and on-line non-stop.
    He drove me crazy. He went to her house after school several days a week. Weekends he went to her dad's house.

    When they weren't together they were on the phone. Then...
    came the fighting. The jealousy, the name calling. OMG...you think they have been married for 20 years!!!

    One instance during the last few weeks of school:
    difficult child leaving French class, girlfriend leaving Spanish class (next to each other). girlfriend follows difficult child and starts asking, "you like her don't you, don't you, don't you" He ignores her and walks away. (first time for everything). She comes up and pushes him. He keeps walking. She pushes again and calls him the F word. He replies with a very nasty name directed at her.
    (this is all witnessed by the Special Education teacher who was walking a short distance behind)
    AFter difficult child replies with the nasty name, Special Education teacher grabs him and takes him to the office. difficult child is upset. He says, "did you NOT hear what she called me??" Teacher says, "yes I did, but we are dealing with YOU now."
    difficult child totally loses it. (I don't blame him. Three years of getting blamed and punished for so many things he didn't do. Always having to prove he didn't do it, after he has been punished)

    Don't get me wrong - difficult child deserves to be punished for what he said. It was nasty. But what girlfriend said was bad also. And teacher acknowledged all that happened. Acknowledged that girlfriend was the aggressor. difficult child was very angry. Not that he was getting punished, that girlfriend was NOT getting punished. He said he needed a "time out" so he could cool off. He went to his cool off area. (his english teacher was there. Her words were that he was very respectful, but "broken") While he sat down to calm down the VP came and ordered him back to the office. difficult child said he needed to calm down. VP tried to PICK him up physically to move him. (witnessed). difficult child then walked back.

    He was totally out of it. Sad, distant...broken.

    Principal is not in. difficult child had to see the VP. (who he is NOT to work with) VP calls me (I am unavailable for 1 hour). VP calls my husband. husband cannot answer phone, only return calls at break.

    I listen to my message. I call school. VP tells me to talk to my husband he has the details and hangs up. I talk to husband - he knows nothing. Call back.
    VP is rude, just talks very bad to me. Pick up difficult child. VP says he is suspended until principal lets him back.

    I call school district about what VP said to me, all the things that have been going on the past several weeks. They page the principal who calls me at home. Has me return difficult child the next morning. Principal says, "well teacher would not deal with girlfriend, he is difficult child's advocate"....excuse me-difficult child has been hauled down to the office many times by staff members he didn't know. Principal acknowledges that.

    girlfriend continuously texting difficult child that she didn't get in trouble. School called her mother and her father and said it was all difficult child's fault, he is no good, he is bad, he is trouble.

    I question principal on why girlfriend isn't punished. No referral, no ISS, no being sent home, no detension...nothing. AND this whole thing was witnessed.

    End of this situation is...girlfriend is continuously sending messages, online, text, phone. I get on the computer, and I asked her to please stop. She goes on about how bad difficult child is. difficult child is now crying and asked me to call her father. So, I do. I speak to him and we both agreed the kids BOTH said things they should not have and they BOTH need time apart for a while. BOTH were punished. And school never called him or her mother.

    So, she has been lying to difficult child. Scaring him. Making him angry.
    He says he never wants to talk to her again.
    They fight NON STOP. text each other mean things. non stop. For about a month now. ATLEAST.

    She loves him....He loves her..blah, blah. They cannot say a single nice thing to each other. One has to always top the other. It is driving me crazy. And it isn't just them...they tell their friends who then feel they must call and get involved. OMG...I am going crazy. He told me he "wasted 6 months of his life on her". Just QUIT. He can't. he has to respond to her mean messages with more mean messages.

    He is just playing the same game she is. He does things and says things to get a reaction from her...then complains.
    AAAGGGGHHHHH...he is only 13 !!!

    Can I call the cell phone company and block her number?

    LOL. this is just ONE day that I had to deal with school in the ending few weeks. I think we had things everyday for about a month or more.

    but THIS drama is driving me crazy.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like two difficult children to me.

    The incident in school aside, sounds like they love to hate but he is getting tired of it. My easy child has a friend who has a relationship like this with a boyfriend of almost two years! All they do is fight, drama, drama, drama. But, they like it! easy child doesn't understand it, but they are "happy".

    Your difficult child is awful young to be spending so much time with a girl anyway, in my opinion. At 13, several times a week and the weekend with her is a little excesive. I would ask difficult child if he would like you to block her phone number from his cell phone. See what he says. If he says no, tell him you have had enough of the drama and blocking her number was a way to help him out. Tell him you are done hearing the stories and won't be privy to the drama anymore.

    I would be proactive the next time he expresses interest in a girl. Going to the movies or the mall with a big group of friends once a week (as well as seeing each other in school) is appropriate for his age.

    Our rule was no alone dating until 16. But easy child and her friends were really into the big group things anyway so it was easy.

    Hope this drama ends soon.

  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    difficult child asked me to block her number but I don't know how.

    We live right on Lake Michigan. (well, about 20 blocks away) He can walk if he wants. All the kids seem to hang out at the Lake. But he goes with a group, and she is there and then she will hook on to some guy, and he'll do the same and it is never ending!

    He only spends about an hour per visit though. School, baseball, religion - he is pretty busy.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yuck-the school situation alone would have driven me nuts! As for blocking the phone number call the cell phone company to see what you have to do or if it's possible. Hugs.
  5. JodyS

    JodyS New Member

    Sounds just like relationships I had in high school. I was ADHD and I craved the crazy/drama life. If things were boring, I stirred the pot and made them crazy again. Unfortunately nobody could have told me different at that time! There is a part of your son that is a magnet and likes this or he wouldn't stay. I have no advice other than I outgrew it (took me many years) before I trully realized I did not want that kind of relationship and I deserved better and no drama/craziness.
  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I had a golden rule when i was in school and luckily my difficult child I has pretty much taken it as his own

    "Never date anyone from your own town!"

    Then the social aspect of school never gets intertwined.
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    What a mess. I am sorry that it seems difficult child was the only one who was held rresponsible. I would definitely try to block her number from the phone and encourage difficult child to steer as clear of her as possible.