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difficult child Got Married
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638562" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow, so sorry you have this going on.</p><p></p><p>I have adopted many children. The older child adoptions did not even work out. Although we can try, nurture does not trump nature most of the time and I have found, from being in an adoptive parent group for twenty plus years, that usually the child turns out to be more like the birthparent than us. At least I know anyone in my parent group would say so. Many have met their child's birthparents after they have grown and were shocked at the similarities...from interests to temperment to even hand gestures. Although I do not know much about your daughter, she is acting a lot like the adult children in our parent group who have attachment disorder. These kids do not learn to bond because of serious breaks in the early years. They do not develop normal societal attitudes and lying, cheating, stealing...it is just par for the course. I adopted one like that and he even sexually abused my youngest two and we made CPS take him out of our home.</p><p></p><p>I agree that your daughter is now married and her husband should assume her bills an d her problems. Most likely the marriage will fail, but she is an adult now and you are no longer on the hook to take care of her. I am going to guess that your wonderful home (and I believe it was wonderful) could not overcome her DNA, whatever it is. This isn't your fault. You can love your child to death every second of your life, but if she/he has DNA traits that are not good or attachment disorder, it won't matter. Love is not enough...all of us on this forum are proof of that. We all loved our children and here we are.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and try to enjoy your loved ones who appreciate you and try to take good care of YOU for a change. You can not change your daughter, but you can change your reaction to her behavior and you can change how you feel about her as a person, then you can make a choice which is best for YOU. I suggest reading th e article on the top of the page on detachment. Much luck. Post often. Radical acceptance is a very good start!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638562, member: 1550"] Wow, so sorry you have this going on. I have adopted many children. The older child adoptions did not even work out. Although we can try, nurture does not trump nature most of the time and I have found, from being in an adoptive parent group for twenty plus years, that usually the child turns out to be more like the birthparent than us. At least I know anyone in my parent group would say so. Many have met their child's birthparents after they have grown and were shocked at the similarities...from interests to temperment to even hand gestures. Although I do not know much about your daughter, she is acting a lot like the adult children in our parent group who have attachment disorder. These kids do not learn to bond because of serious breaks in the early years. They do not develop normal societal attitudes and lying, cheating, stealing...it is just par for the course. I adopted one like that and he even sexually abused my youngest two and we made CPS take him out of our home. I agree that your daughter is now married and her husband should assume her bills an d her problems. Most likely the marriage will fail, but she is an adult now and you are no longer on the hook to take care of her. I am going to guess that your wonderful home (and I believe it was wonderful) could not overcome her DNA, whatever it is. This isn't your fault. You can love your child to death every second of your life, but if she/he has DNA traits that are not good or attachment disorder, it won't matter. Love is not enough...all of us on this forum are proof of that. We all loved our children and here we are. Hugs and try to enjoy your loved ones who appreciate you and try to take good care of YOU for a change. You can not change your daughter, but you can change your reaction to her behavior and you can change how you feel about her as a person, then you can make a choice which is best for YOU. I suggest reading th e article on the top of the page on detachment. Much luck. Post often. Radical acceptance is a very good start! [/QUOTE]
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