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difficult child Got Married
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 638572" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>It's hard enough to have the difficult child tell stories to others about our bad parenting, but when we have relatives and friends join in it seems we have no place to turn for understanding. Some of my closest relatives have said the same to me, and still don't understand why I'm not constantly 'helping' my difficult child. So I don't talk to them about him.</p><p></p><p>Before my difficult child came along I didn't understand some of my friends with tough love in their household. It really is the horrible truth, these kids tell convincing lies, and unless the person actually lives in the same house with the difficult child they are clueless. So forgive them, and find support elsewhere. Sadly, that's not hard, there are so many families struggling with difficult children today.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is not adopted, but he is so much like his dad it is scary. His dad walked out, no support of any kind and I struggled to support us. I felt guilty for many years and I let him use that to manipulate me into bending over backwards to do whatever it took to please him.</p><p></p><p>All of the difficult children have different stories, but all have the same characteristics, they are huge ME people and always think of themselves and put themselves first.</p><p></p><p>They also have a hard time maintaining relationships. My difficult child has been in a relationship with another difficult child for four years. We have called the police to finally stop her harassment. They fight, he cuts himself and threatens suicide. Two years ago she came after him with a knife and she was arrested, now he is in jail for domestic violence. He doesn't call me very much, because I'm not supportive (meaning no more money). You will hear from her when she starts having problems.</p><p></p><p>Read all you can find on enabling, co-dependency, setting boundaries, and a support group helps. I never had one close to me. It does help to vent your frustrations on this forum. </p><p></p><p>I was at a point where I was letting my difficult child's never ending drama and problems ruin my health. Learn to detach from their drama and accept the fact that you did not cause it and you can not change it. But you can change how you react to their drama. It is a very sad situation that you have zero control over, you deserve better and only you can make things better for you.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs and blessings)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 638572, member: 13558"] It's hard enough to have the difficult child tell stories to others about our bad parenting, but when we have relatives and friends join in it seems we have no place to turn for understanding. Some of my closest relatives have said the same to me, and still don't understand why I'm not constantly 'helping' my difficult child. So I don't talk to them about him. Before my difficult child came along I didn't understand some of my friends with tough love in their household. It really is the horrible truth, these kids tell convincing lies, and unless the person actually lives in the same house with the difficult child they are clueless. So forgive them, and find support elsewhere. Sadly, that's not hard, there are so many families struggling with difficult children today. My difficult child is not adopted, but he is so much like his dad it is scary. His dad walked out, no support of any kind and I struggled to support us. I felt guilty for many years and I let him use that to manipulate me into bending over backwards to do whatever it took to please him. All of the difficult children have different stories, but all have the same characteristics, they are huge ME people and always think of themselves and put themselves first. They also have a hard time maintaining relationships. My difficult child has been in a relationship with another difficult child for four years. We have called the police to finally stop her harassment. They fight, he cuts himself and threatens suicide. Two years ago she came after him with a knife and she was arrested, now he is in jail for domestic violence. He doesn't call me very much, because I'm not supportive (meaning no more money). You will hear from her when she starts having problems. Read all you can find on enabling, co-dependency, setting boundaries, and a support group helps. I never had one close to me. It does help to vent your frustrations on this forum. I was at a point where I was letting my difficult child's never ending drama and problems ruin my health. Learn to detach from their drama and accept the fact that you did not cause it and you can not change it. But you can change how you react to their drama. It is a very sad situation that you have zero control over, you deserve better and only you can make things better for you. (((hugs and blessings))) [/QUOTE]
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