difficult child has a friend die - these kids are sooooo sad

[busywend]

One of the kids difficult child goes to school with was in a fatal car accident with 2 other kids (one is a cousin of a friend of difficult children - the other she did not know at all). They were coming home from a movie Saturday night 1:00am - someone got on the expressway going the wrong direction. They entered the expressway from an exit. The guy that hit them, 37 years old - on drugs. The kids were doing nothing wrong.

difficult child and her friends are just so sad. It is so hard for them to process.
I recall LittleDudesMom's easy child had a friend last year that passed away. I know I had a couple friends pass away when I was in high school.
Time heals, but you just never really forget these first experiences of a young life lost, especially so sudden.

So, Friday, on my difficult children 16th birthday, she will attend her 2nd funeral - the first was 18 months ago for her great-grandma. This is the first sudden death my difficult child has gone through. I am not even sure of what I am supposed to do. She called upset from school today and I told her she had to stay. I figured it best for her to be with others in the same pain as her. I also figured if she did not go through this today, she would have to tomorrow so best to get it over with.
Am I right?

 

[wakeupcall]

Sometimes they have to grow up too soon. I hate if for her. My first dealings with a death was when I was fourteen and a friend fell off a horse. It was aaaawwwful. I even remember what I wore to the funeral. I'm so sorry.....for everyone.

 

[flutterbee]

I think you're right. I think it's important for her to be around her peers who are experiencing the same feelings right now.

Hugs to her.

 

[Marguerite]

This sort of thing is such a waste.

I remember when we began to lose classmates. I was just fifteen when a kid the grade ahead shot himself. We all tried to find a way to explain what had happened as maybe an accident, but there was no way it could have been.

About the same time, the mother of a close friend died after a series of strokes. The whole class went to the funeral, which was made even more difficult by the priest saying to one girl who had been VERY close to the family, "First time?"

husband had some classmates riding around on a rough dirt road in the back of a ute (pick-up, I think you call it) and when they hit a pothole a kid was thrown out and killed.

We had another classmate who had actually had to repeat his final year due to suddenly going deaf. His sister was a good friend of mine, she was embarrassed by her brother because he kept acting weird. When he began to walk, dragging one leg, she said to ignore him because he was just attention-seeking. We were all fairly mean to him.
We did our final exams, and the following Friday he was rushed to hospital in a coma. Turned out he was riddled with brain tumours. He never regained consciousness. Thankfully he never knew he failed his final exams.

By the time we had our first reunion five years later, we had lost another two classmates, both to road accidents.

Marg

 

[Wiped Out]

So tragic-I'm so sorry for everyone involved. Saying a prayer for the families and for your daughter and the others who are grieving.

 

[Suz]

I'm so sorry. I remember my early friend losses. A boy who was showing off to his girlfriend playing Russian Roulette and shot himself in the head....and a girl who died unexpectedly of a virulent disease that killed her in a matter of days. It is devastating. In those days no one talked about it. Nowadays they bring counselors to school and everyone talks about it. It's so much healthier now.

You made the right decision to send her to school where she can be comforted by her peers and/or see a professional if she needs it.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> how sad. you're right...school is the best place for her right now. down here when things like this happen they bring in extra guidance couselors & specialized grief counselors to help the kids & staff cope. it seems to help a lot.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Wendy,

sorry difficult child has to go through this. Yes, easy child did loose her friend to an awful accident last July. It takes time. Just like adults, all kids handle their grief in different ways. I think you did the right thing keeping her in school.

This is one of the reasons I am so protective of easy child and her late night driving. She has to be in by 11 on the weekends. And, Va does have a midnight curfew for kids under 18. I just fear what is on the road too late into the weekend evenings.

Sharon

 

[Kjs]

Such sad news. My heart aches for those involved. Same thing happened here on Prom night, on the interstate.

I always showed easy child pictures of accidents, only to remind him of what can happen. I always talked to him about defensive driving. Unfortunately you can be the best driver in the world, and it isn't enough.

difficult child will only be 16 going into his Senior year of High school. I am so afraid for him to get into cars with others. Most of his friends will have had their liscense for 1 - 2 years. Scares me so much.

I was in the E/R once, very sick. I had to wait because of an accident. I heard the parents in the next room. I cannot even imagine the pain.

Friends, I agree are the best for her now. Things are so much different now. Back in the day..I was all alone, and when I was sad, my dad laughed at me. Lost several high school friends.

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{difficult child}}}. I'm so sorry Wendy. I think you did the right thing in having her stay in school because there were likely to be counselors there. Plus, this tends to become a group experience for teens where they all process and help each other through. I'm sorry this happened.

 

[busywend]

Thank you for the reassurance. I do feel it was for the best for her to stay. She made it at school for most of the day and we had a friend over last night so neither of them were alone.
They all wore black today.
difficult child mentioned that she realized she would be attending a funeral on her 16th birthday, but she said she did not care she was going anyway.

 

[Sunlight]

my son Nick was very much in love with his first sweetheart. she was in a fatal accident. then his best friend was killed was reaching down for a CD while driving. he was hit head on.

that summer my son stayed in the gameroom at the neighbors' house with her son and their other friend. no one would go outor do anything at all. they mourned all summer long.

 

[1905]

It's so sad when this happens. Life is so precious. easy child had a girl in his homeroom and her brother both die recently in a car accident. 9th grade and 12th grade.A few days later their mom came to school "looking" for her children. Heartbreaking. Although he wasn't friends with either, it is so disturbing. My brother in law lost 5 friends in a car accident that he witnessed. He was in 11th grade. Another kid in that car was in the hospital for 2 months. brother in law went there every day. He was invited to play golf with some friends, he said, "No" at first, but then changed his mind. Him and another kid were driving to the golf course when they saw their friends coming back toward them. The other car hit the car in front of brother in law head on. The driver and the 5 kids died. Sad

 

[Ephchap]

Oh Wendy, I'm so sorry for the loss of such a young life - and that your daughter is hurting. I remember my older son calling me sobbing and could barely speak one day. A girl from his class had fallen asleep at the wheel while driving back from spring break. No booze, just tired and lost control of the car. It really hit my son and his friends hard.

Sending some hugs to your daughter and good thoughts for the families involved.

Deb