difficult child has been suspended from college

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child had her college hearing today stemming from her alcohol/drug use in her dorm. She has to be evaluated at the health center for alcohol/drug problems, attend weekly counseling until the end of this semester, has been put on the strictest campus restrictions, pay a $100 fine and has been suspended for the next semester. difficult child had already decided to leave college after this semester because she said she is not ready for college.

    In addition, she has to attend a court ordered drug aweness class this Satruday at the health center, be assessed at the county family and children's services next week, attend an alcohol class, complete 24 hours of community service and pay about $500 in fines and fees. All of this before her court sentencing date of Dec 15.

    husband went to the hearing with her today and she told him that getting into trouble as an adult stinks.

    Last edited: Nov 4, 2009
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow Nancy, college is not playing any games! Wonder what the court date has in store. Hopefully difficult child's comment will stick in her mind as she makes choices in the future.

  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    She already appeared in court and was ordered into the diversion program. She has to complete her classes, assessment and communtiy service before her sentencing Dec 15 or go to jail.

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe this will help her turn things around before she gets into this stuff any deeper- I hope so. Won't her charge be dropped if she does these things?
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Nancy, I know you must be horribly disappointed. The silver lining in all this, I think, is that difficult child is getting irrefutable evidence that the expectations and consequences she grew up with in your home were not unique or excessive or unrealistic. I think it's a really good thing that she's getting it from the college and the court, and *not* from you and husband. Hopefully it will "stink" enough to make her rethink her choices.

    Fingers crossed.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lots of hugs to you, Nancy.
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry. In a way, it was good that there were consequences for her behaviors, that counseling was/is offered and that she acknowledges that there is a stiff price to pay for misdeeds as an adult. by the way, if she doesn't attend the alcohol class (s), this will not bode well for her in court.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    It stinks? Yeah, well welcome to real life, hon! Like SLSH said, she gets to see first-hand just how real it gets and that you weren't kidding all these years. She could have done things your way, but she chose the hard way, and there are no do-overs this time.

    I'm sorry about the disappointment you must be feeling, but I'm glad you are able to stand back and let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps she's finally on a path towards real learning.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Nancy, your eyes must be empty of tears by now. If the system could have been tougher when she was younger maybe this wouldn't have happened but on the other hand no one wants to see a 15yr old held to adult consequences and have a record the rest of their lives.

    Hopefully, she will break down the responsibilities into manageable tasks to avoid being overwhelmed. It was nice of husband to be there.
    I keep thinking that she will realize she does have a drug problem and turn things around.
    I'm sorry for you and husband. I'm sorry for difficult child and what she has done to herself.
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Was thinking about you this morning and came here.
    I'm so sorry the stress continues....
    I'm sorry to say our daughter had some even rougher moments after high school and perhaps similar to your thoughts...this is what I expected would be the case.
    We gave her opportunities for growth, but she did not take them and made many, many mistakes. It was horrible for my mommy heart and husband had to take over.
    Very recently (knock on wood), I have noticed some improvements on her part. True, it is not ideal, but there are noticeable changes. She is working with a social worker and she commented the other day that in the last 2 months, the changes are more concrete. I suppose over the last year, there were tiny baby steps, but this was a more noticeable one. It's hard to fully explain, but I think you understand.
    I am working in an addiction treatment place ( we provide a variety of counseling, but working with DUI is the main work we do) and there are many young people. Some are older and out of the ones who are not (younger than 25), many of those started when they were young.
    It is noticeable to me that the ones who show the most promise, are the ones who go to AA regularly and who have formed a camaraderie there. One thing that is a little "tricky" is finding a location when the person is young....sometimes they want to find a place with many other young people, but the truth is they learn the most from a mix and learn much from folks older than themselves.
    Sometimes I think they get just as much out of AA as expensive treatments, although some really totally need both and have done extremely well doing this.
    We have one young man, who had a very tumultuous past, I mean really really bad, including long jail time.... for drinking, driving and narcotics.
    He went to various programs, but loves his AA and NA.
    He is out our place for a former conviction...cleaning up his past. He has been sober (abstinent) for over a year.
    Today, he has a job making $100,000 a year and is seriously considering going back to college (has a plan) and entering a very difficult and prestigious career. It is totally impressive and he credits it all to working the AA and NA programs (he goes as often as possible).
    Again, I'm so sorry for you, your husband and also for your difficult child. I hope and pray for your wisdom, peace and sanity. PLEASE go to extreme self nurturing. Please know that myself as well as others really care. (hugs).
    Lasted edited by : Nov 5, 2009
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Nancy - that is a tough punishment. But, I am glad they are opening her eyes to adult consequences.

    Wonder if she realizes her life will be different this go round at home. Loss of freedom is another consequence she does not even realize yet.

    It is difficult to be disappointed over and over again. Some day she will have tons of regrets.

  12. Penta

    Penta New Member

    Maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of a new life. Stay strong.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im laughing at the comment about how getting into trouble as an adult. Yeah...it does stink. Does Ohio take their drivers license if they get a minor in possession conviction? They do here. Wouldnt that be another blow! I would think Ohio would be one of the tough states because they take felons licenses for 6 months.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet the law allows them to take your license but they didn't do that in her case. Perhaps it's because it was her first offense (as an adult) and she was placed in the diversion program. They probably would have if it was not.

  15. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I think this may in the long run be a very good thing that happened. Just the fact that she realizes getting into trouble as an adult stinks is a promising sign! I know my dtr never believed me when I told her she would suffer natural consequences for the stuff she was doing--she had to experience it to believe it. Nothing else worked.