difficult child hates her job!!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child called me crying this morning. She said she hates her boss and is afraid he is going to fire her. Here is what is going on:

    1) She has to work 8.5 hours a day without any breaks or lunch. She is expected to eat at the front desk.

    2) He is very nit picky. She comes in the next morning to a list of things that she did wrong.

    3) He tells her to call him if she has any problems but then doesn't answer the phone.


    The stylists wanted to leave 30 minutes early since the salon was dead one night. They wanted their tips before they left. difficult child didn't know if she should do that so she called the manager 3 times but he didn't answer. In the meantime, the stylists were getting mad so she gave them the tips. Next day, she got screamed at for not calling the manager. She explained she had called three times (in front of the stylists) and he claimed to have no record of the calls.

    Another time, a man wanted to bring his child with him so he could get a haircut since his wife was in the hospital and he had no one to take care of the child. The salon has a no children policy so difficult child again tried calling and calling to ask permission. No answer so she let the child come in and then was yelled at for violating the no child policy.

    4) Belittles difficult child for her mistakes to the point of making her cry in front of him one day. She is afraid to say anything back because the last receptionist was fired for "smarting off."

    5) In the 9 years they have been in business, no receptionist has lasted more than 6 months.

    6) She is not allowed to talk to the stylists and the stylists have been told that they can not talk to each other because he knows that they are talking behind his back.

    Now my first inclination is to blame difficult child and think she is doing something wrong. However, she has held down jobs for long periods of time before and was generally loved by the people that she worked for. Also, I got on citysearch and looked up reviews of the salon and review after review criticized the manager and how abrupt and rude he was with customers. It only makes sense that he probably is also abrupt and rude to his employees.

    difficult child said that she hasn't told me any of this because she didn't want to disappoint me. She said that last night she was locking the door to the salon when the manager was standing there and he saw her NA key fob and gave her a strange look. Now she thinks he will fire her. The stylists had warned her not to let him know anything about her personal life because he will hold it against her. They told her about another receptionist that had told him about her learning disability and that he used it and made fun of her whenever she made a mistake after that.

    I told her that sometimes jobs just don't work out and it sounds like this guy is nuts. I told her the adult thing to do would be to keep this job while she is looking for another one. She asked me to start sending out resumes again and I told her that I would. One of the salons that she was supposed to interview with right when she got this job called her two days ago asking if she would be interested in a stylist position. She is not but I told her to call them back and say that she would like an assistant position or receptionist position and see what they say.

    Dang it, why couldn't this one have been a great experience for difficult child?

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}} for difficult child, and for you too.

    Actually... everyone has to deal with really horrid jobs from time to time. Our difficult children seem to have things come up smelling like roses a lot - but - I agree with your advice that she should find another job and stick with the horrible one till she does.

    It hoovers, but maybe it will be good for her?
  3. keista

    keista New Member


    Actually, it is. It's a great experience in learning to asses a bad situation and walking away sooner rather than later. We teach our kids NOT to stay in abusive relationships, but when the abuser is the boss, for some reason the rules change. Most definitely do everything you can to help her find another job, and if she can't stick it out until she finds another one, I wouldn't be too hard on her. A paycheck is not worth giving up your self esteem and self respect.
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh-this is stinky. The poor kid. When I heard she wasn't suppose to talk to the stylists, I was wondering what the dynamics were. That smacked of control and secrecy. She needs to get out as fast as possible. Next interview she might now have some good questions of her own to ask. "How do you handle situations where I might have to make a decision when you are not available and what would you do if you do not agree with my decision." " How do you handle conflict in your salon?" etc.. I also thought the whole first check in cash was weird. Are there tax issues? Why didn't he have her paper work done? A hug to you both. Life is just plain tough.
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Quite honestly, part of me just wanted to tell her to quit right now. However . . .

    difficult child tends to get overemotional and a little while later everything is hunky dory again. So I am trying to figure out if this was one of those moments. Also, some of her complaints were she has no time to do anything but work and sleep which doesn't garner any sympathy from me. Also, her boyfriend got mad at her because she was too tired to go over to his house and that made me mad because he never supports her when she is trying to accomplish something so I couldn't get very worked up about that one either.

    Finally, we all have had experiences with a boss from he77 and have to deal with it the best we can until we find something else. That is an important life lesson, too. I am just afraid that in her fragile state of recovery something like this can send her over the edge. She told me that she has been talking a lot with the director of the halfway house and he told her the same thing that I did. She should stick it out and be looking for something else.

    One other thing that she said that bothered me was that the manager refused to pay the last receptionist after he fired her. I told difficult child that wasn't legal and she said that is what she had been told happened. I told her to discreetly take a picture of her time card with her cell phone.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was anticipating sexual issues so it's a bit of a relief that it just PIA boss issues. Did she ever follow through on the other salons that called her after she accepted this job? Sounds like a good place to start. Meanwhile I'm sending you hugs and hoping that you can find the "right" position to take so you are supportive but she is taking ownership. Geez, life really is complex nowadays. Hugs DDD
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, the roller coaster continues. difficult child just called and said she was on the way home I asked if she was fired and she said just the opposite. The manager told her that she was doing great and he wanted her to know that and why didn't she just go home and get some rest and he wanted her to come in on Tuesday and open the store by herself.

    He repeated several times about how great she was doing. difficult child said, "Mom, it is like a roller coaster. He has me so upset and then he says how great I am doing. How am I supposed to deal with someone like that? Up and down."

    Hmm, sounds like life with a difficult child, doesn't it??

    Anyway, I told her it sounded like he realized how upset she had been last night and he didn't want her to quit so he is backing off. He had told her when she started it would be full-time but he didn't want to burn her out. Maybe he realized that was just what he was doing.

    difficult child said she still wants me to send in more resumes. In the meantime, she asked if she could come over and spend the night tonight and go see The Hunger Games tomorrow. I told her that would be fun.

  8. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry, but I must get brutal here - He's setting up the pattern of abuse. Of course he doesn't want her to quit because she is doing a good job despite the fact that he always finds a reason to yell at her. I would even venture to bet that he doesn't even realize how poorly he has treated her. Most abusive bosses don't. They simply think they are being "effective managers"

    Please, please, please encourage her to keep looking for another job. The fact that this salon has not kept a receptionist for longer than six months speaks VOLUMES. If this were her boyfriend treating her this poorly you would not be encouraging second chances.
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't worry. I have already sent in 2 resumes for her (she doesn't have a computer). I just want her to keep this job while she is looking.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldn't be surprised if he was bipolar. When I look back on some of the bosses I had during my working career I now understand. At the time I thought either I was going crazy or they were.

    Yes she should actively loo for another job.

  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is totally a classic abuser move = the constant criticism and then the huge praise, which in a day or two would be followed by more criticism, probably a bit more vicious after each round of praise. She does need to stick it out but look for something else. Then, even if he is totally sweet the day she gets another job she still NEEDS to quit. I would encourage her to give very minimal notice because he is going to do all he can to savage her after she gives her notice. His kind want you to work every second of your notice because they will tear you down and try to talk to the new boss to make the new job go away. Then he will say she gave notice so she is done and her new job disappearing is not his problem. I have seen this quite a few times and experienced it myself.

    I am proud that she tried to stick it out with-o telling you, and that she did not just quit when it got difficult. those are big steps, in my opinion, not baby ones.