difficult child here, needing rehab: wait till semester's out? does it work? how much is copay?

[stalln4x]

I'm a huge weed/k2/alchol addict. Polysubstance abuser I guess. I've been doing AA and such on and off and it's a good thing. But I think not being able to get high or do anything or get anything for 30 days is exactly what I need, plus there having been

I just got my research job back at college tho. I dropped almost all my classes and am sorta failing the other one. The semester's half over and maybe I can, maybe I can't finish it. Between the drugs and alcohol and not taking my adderall (I have add; i just don't really like taking the medication).

I posted a little more holistic of a question on Parent Emeritus but I wanted to ask on here:

Did getting that first 'boost' of sobriety help your difficult child's?

Any thoughts on public vs private rehabs?

How much was the insurance co-pay? I have Cigna and I'd be wanting to go to a 'normal' private one.

Most of all:
**********Did you wait until they finished their semester at college?********** This is a huge thing because, aside from the money, my parents devoted about half their lives (in terms of time) each this semester helping me with college. I don't want to wait. I'm screwing this semester up bad anyway... they'll just have so many reservations because they're so financially (and time) invested in me completing this class and this semester.

I feel like I should go now. But part of that is wanting to avoid school which I normally love. Then again, I'm addicted as hell and through selling things to pay off my credit card, I'll soon be able to get more K2/weed including during this semester.

 

[Nancy]

Dear stalln, do not stall any longer. You are dangerously close to ruining your life. I'm not going to answer all your questions the way you want because I think most important for you is to get into a treatment program. What worked or didn't work for my daughter makes no difference to the success you may have. We did not wait for our daughter's semester to be over. We withdrew her and lost the tuition but at least she was able to take W's instead of F's.

Everyone's insurance is different. I'm not sure what you mean by a private or public rehab's. Which one you can go to probably will depend on what insurance coverage you have. Most insurance companies only pay for a short stay. Ours paid for 10 days, hardly anything when it comes to recovery.

Are your parents aware of what is going on with you? Please be honest with them now. They will want to help you but you have to take the first step. I am glad you recognize that you need help but you can't handle this yourself.

 

[stalln4x]

They're well aware. Here's a thread I made in the Parent Emeritus forum about this that has a more whole story.

I've missed 2 semesters over this... one from being put in a psychiatric ward (which was awful for me and I think contributed more to problems than anything else). The other semester I had been smoking more of the k2 over winter holiday... some organic kind with all these flowers and ****, and basically went crazy. This has gone on a long time and I'm ready and eager--but nervous--to finally say "Stall, you're an addict and it has to be 100% abstinence from all drugs, period".

I want to think I can do it with AA alone but I need a big marker in my life where it's over forever. Being terrorized and misdiagnosed and drugged in a mental hospital for 7 weeks should have been my clue, but frankly that just turned me on to tranquilisers and sleep aids.

Thanks for your reply. Did it help her a lot?

 

[toughlovin]

Hi Stall,

I agree with Nancy, withdraw and do it now!!! It sounds like you want it and this want is coming from you. That you are finally at a place where you want recovery. That is the most important thing and the most important indicator of a successful outcome. I can say that going to rehab did not hurt my son, and at the time I think it did help him. However he always went because of some other external factor (ie us, avoiding jail, or avoiding the street), it was never because he was really ready to truly get into recovery.

It sounds like from your posts that you know you are ready, and you know if you dont go you are going to use and just get in deeper. K2 can be dangerous stuff from what I understand. So please take care of yourself. And yes be honest with your parents... I also agree with that.

TL

 

[Nancy]

Total abstinence from all drugs is absolutely essential for recovery. I do believe you need to toally detox and learn how to be clean for a good amount of time and then hopefully AA can help you maintain. I am a firm believer that one does not recover until they want it themselves. Sadly my daughter does not yet want sobriety more than she wants to drink but all of the rehab and recovery tools she has are not in vain. I am also a firm believer that there is always hope and my hope for her is that someday she wants soemthing better for herself. She is still young, just 21.

Since your parents are well aware of your addiction go to them now and tell them you want to go to a treatment center so that you can get clean and stay clean, that you are tired of this life and you want the help now. I would give anything to hear my daughter say that.

 

[Nancy]

I'm not sure if you are playing games with us or not. You either want to get clean or want to continue using. It's your choice.

 

[toughlovin]

I think wanting both at the same time is very common actually, so i may be wrong but it seems to me stall is giving us some insight into the thought processes an addict goes through as they are considering rehab.

Stall from a parents point of view it is hard to have faith or believe your child when they have lied and manipulated you over and over again....so i can understand your parents holding back on being happy until you actuallyngo through rehab and get sober...if my son called and told me he was ready for rehab i would be happy but also wary.

t
TL

 

[Signorina]

Stalln- your school must have mental health services. Go to them, speak to them, they can point you in the right direction.

Your drugs are your crutch and you're afraid you won't be you without them. I'm going to guess you had a decent balance for a time when you could manage your use- enjoying the high while the rest of your life stayed relatively together. That's what you want back and it doesn't work with abstinence/recovery.

If you could manage your use, you wouldn't want rehab. You want rehab because you know it's out of control. "When the pain of change is preferable to the pain of staying the same; it's time to change."

Talk to a mental health professional at your school and start the change to a healthier, happier you. You can do this.

 

[Nancy]

Stallin I may have been overly harsh and for that I'm sorry but there are some concerns here. You are obviously an intelligent person and you explain in detail why you want to continue using drugs and which one you use, then you explain in equal detail why you should stop (because your life is a mess, your failing school, the money, etc etc). You say your parents won't send you to rehab so you do more drugs so they will. There comes a point where you have to stop talking and do. You know you need help. An intelligent well read person like yourself knows an addict must stop all drugs/alcohol. Abstinence is the only way. We can argue occassional use all we want but you and I both know the reality.

You mentioned that you are going to AA. Do you have a sponsor? You should discuss your feelings with your sponsor, that is what they are there for. You must know that those of us on this forum who have difficult child's who are addicts will have all the same advice for you....get help now, go into recovery, however you need to do that. You don't need to wait for your parents to see that you are bad enough to send you. Are you on your parents insurance? Then call your insurance company to find out what benefits you have. If you cannot find a place with your insurance start checking out sober/recovery houses. This is where a sponsor can help. The members of AA do not recommend AA alone, they know you need help. Most members in the AA meetings I go to are also living in recovery houses and many have been through several rehabs themselves.

You know you are an addict and your life in unmanageable. I have little patience for someone trying to talk his/her way out of recovery and that's what it seems you are doing. But I care about you and you are smart enough to know what you need to do, so do it. And then tell us what decision you have made and we will applaud you.

Nancy

 

[stalln4x]

Nancy, I wrote a big, long reply last night and then my internet was out by the time I clicked submit so i lost it (my parents house has the wifi shut off around 11:30). It might be better to disregard that post and in the reply that and i was actually going to ask you, since you're a moderator, if it would be okay to delete my previous post on this thread before this one that I did on my phone--I didn't communicate at all what I meant to and it looks like someone else entirely wrote it. Deleting it would make this thread not make sense and make you look like you were being mean to someone who was asking for help though.

What I meant to and should have communicated better is that I'm ready to be 100% done with substances, but I haven't been able to do it so far. Toughlovin's comment on the thought process skirts the issue, but honestly I'm not sure my last post is even that relevant. Suffice it to say that what I meant is that I'm an addict, I want to quit once and for all, and I'm hoping the drastic, intensive step of rehab would be what it takes to help me one and for all accept the fact that I can't use, period. Even in moderation. Signoria is exactly right that I, at once point, could balance substance abuse and school but I got cocky and into more (And more into) drugs. This is the poisonous fact that my addict mind is holding onto but I'm at the point where at a logical, human level, I know that it's never going to work and that it wouldn't enrich my life even if I could. It must be hard to understand and sound like I'm talking about contradictions or two different people. I do want to go to rehab and yes, I have the reservations that everyone has (what to do about my job, school, the stigma, the cost). I should have just focused on my initial questions rather than get into that stream-of-counsciousness-from-a-smartphone.

I'm not at all talking about talking my way out of rehab or anything. I want this. I do have one more issue I need to address but maybe I should make a new topic for that, and it's that I [STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPIDLY] offered 'wanting to go to rehab to avoid school this semester' as my reason/rational for using again when it came to light at the very beginning of this semester. This was one of those "How do you tell if an addict's lying? His mouth's moving." things where I've become a chameleon and will just say whatever might or could explain something, whether it's true or even relevant and this is something else I want to change. But after my addicted self said that, I'm afraid they'll equate "rehab" with "Stall wants a nice vacation". I'm thinking about having my psychiatrist ask them or bring it up, as he's mentioned it before. There's a CSW/CSAC-II at my psychiatrists office who I've met in passing that maybe I could have bring it up with them, but I'm not sure. And this whole semester they've been making me stay with one of them them at a hotel in the college town so they could make sure I couldn't use, but I've been blasted this whole time anyway and I think I clogged the hotel toilet flushing mini liquor bottles last week so I'm mortified to even go back to that hotel today. I really had no desire to g o to rehab when I said I was just trying to get out of school (which I normally love when my parents don't pick out my classes so that I'm only taking things I hate), and that wasn't my reason for doing drugs or I, well, probably wouldn't have been on a huge, subtle bender most of the time since.

 

[Nancy]

You are free to delete your earlier post if you are uncomfortable with it. Please don't worry about how that may make me look. If you have difficulty deleting it and would like me to do it I'll be happy to. You can edit the post to remove everything and just place a . in the field if you can't delete the post.

I do think you are sincere about wanting to quit and wanting help. I still have a hard time understanding why your parents don't get it. Why don't you send them to this forum and have them ask this question:" my son says he is addicted to drugs and wants to go to rehab, what should we do?" We will tell her to run, not walk to find the best rehab for you and to not worry about school or tuition and that the only stigma is knowing you need help and not getting it. Recoverering addicts have a huge support group and a great deal of admiration from most people. I'm concerned that you are 23 and yet your parents still pick out your classes for you and make you stay in a hotel room with them in college town. I assume you stay there during the week only and go home on weekends? That seems like an extreme position to take. Also I wpould think that of you flushed all those little glass alcohol bottles down the toilet at some point they would float and your parents would understand the seriousness of the issue. How can you hide the smell of alcohol and pot from them if they are with you all the time?

I truly am sorry that you are in such pain. I want you to get help. Having your psychiatrist speak to your parents is a great idea.

I am still curious whether you have an AA sponsor. I do think that would help a great deal.

Nancy

 

[stalln4x]

Hey Nancy,

Thanks for being kind about that. I think I'll delete it in a bit, or perhaps just nuke every post I've made if my parents get on this forum. I just got to talk to my mom and she's on the phone right now. I don't have a sponsor in AA, but I realize the next big step is going to be getting one and actually working the steps and program rather than just going.

I'll admit I got very frustrated with my mom talking about this and the idea of rehab after I posted last on here. We actually had a couple chuckles, which was good (and surprising, talking about such a dire topic!). Her perspective, and I suspect my Dad's, is that if you keep screwing up while you're attending AA then you didn't fully accept the problem or fully try it. I accept that this is possible and the case with some, and that I should've probably been trying to actively work the steps, but I feel that the "if it didn't work, you weren't really doing it" mentality neglects the other possibility, namely that

I just confessed to drinking in addition to the K2 as well, plus that I got back into Nitrous and that when I didn't have anything available I tried inhalants (toluene, lighter fluid). My mom's on the phone with my Dad as I type this. We talked a little over some Burger King and she said she thinks the rehab thing is a manifestation of my impulsive/quick fix nature, but this may be exacerbated by her own reservations about rehab even though she did tell me about how a cousin of mine went (wow!). The rehab I toured has a location in my hometown and a location ~30 minutes from my college that has an outpatient program. That would allow me to finish my one class (which I'm failing--that's what drugs get ya) and continue my would-be-pristigious-if-I-had-actually-been-doing-it-instead-of-doing-drugs research position. They don't really know that I had been skipping lab meetings and doing drugs except for last week when I showed up...

I think maybe an outpatient program would work, but then again that's what AA is basically and I'd still be spending 5 days a week on my college campus with money available from the job and several liquor stores and head shops with K2 in walking distance.

Do you mean get a sponsor instead of go to rehab?

 

[Nancy]

No, I hoped if you had a sponsor he could help you get through to your parents or give you some resources where you can go on your own for treatment. Also he would be someone to talk to about your feelings, he's been there. He could answer a lot of your questions about rehab also.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Stallin,

My son dropped two of his classes the first week in March. The other two were online. He contacted the profs, explained he was headed for rehab and received incompletes.

I can tell you that waiting, for him, would have been a HUGE MISTAKE.

The first boost helped but also left him still cocky...he thought he was working a good program. He relapsed in July for 5 days which put him into a position to learn he wasn't doing what he needed to do. Since then, he has consistently improved.

The best rehab is the one which works for you. A good friend sent his father to Willingway in Georgia (the "Betty Ford" of the South). It failed. I'm certain many peopl4e would tell you it was an excellent program. It all depends on what you put into it as long as the program is sound. Most good ones have a detox, intensive inpatient, intensive outpatient, and continuing care.

Your insurance company will likely have someone on staff who can help you determine what you qualify for and what program might be best. A local Al-anon program might also be a great resource for your parents. These people have watched different programs over the years and may have suggestions and support.

Back to school...if you have dropped al but one and you aren't doing well in it....seems to me that you don't have much to lose by going to rehab now.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[AmericanGirl]

P.S. I wouldn't only consider normal "private" ones. My son went to one at a large teaching hospital. It was far, far superior to the normal "private" one where he went to intensive outpatient. He would tell you that as well.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. I have a daughter who was heavily into drug use and quit (she didn't use any rehab...she just quit). I want to remind you, in case you are not aware, that no rehab or anything else will be of help to you until you are 100% committed to quitting and desperately want to do so. I'm not getting that feeling from your posts. There are still excuses in there about how you can learn to use responsibly. This will never be the case for you.

It is HARD to quit and one has to really want it bad. And to be willing to change your friends, your mindset, your entire lifestyle. If you go to rehab, they can't do the work for you; that is on you.

Until you desperately want to quit, you won't.

I hope you really do want to quit. If you do, you'll find a way to do it, like my daughter did. Take care and lots of luck.

 

[toughlovin]

I think the advantage of an inpatientn rehab over iop is that you are immersed for the time you are there in recovery and you are in a situation where you really cant use... so you do get the drugs out of your system which may help some with physical type cravings. However harder than the physical cravings are the mental/emotional ones and those wont go away.... but hopefully a month of inpatient would give you the tools to deal with those feelings.

However if you want it bad enough then I think an IOP would work as well... as does AA for many people.

As far as your parents (from a different thread), it sounds to me like they are somewhat in denial about the seriousness of y our drug use... and in their mind and hope if you could pass your class this semester then it would show the drug use is really not so bad. That is just my take. And as a parent they are probably pretty frustrated at spending money on school to have you flunking your classes... and they may just seee this as your way of escaping.

I would suggest to them they find an alanon meeting, especially one geared for parents. That helped me immensely.

TL