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difficult child home alone in your house?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 625337" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That you are traveling changes nothing about the situation, Lucy. Your child made his choice. So far, this is working for all of you.</p><p></p><p>However you are keeping in contact with him now, you can do the same while traveling. If it is a question of guilt or worry, you could mail him (or hand deliver) another Red Cross package before you go. This could be a cathartic and positive experience for all of you, actually.</p><p></p><p>A little going away party, an I love you, son.</p><p></p><p>It is never wrong to love them, never wrong to tell them we do.</p><p></p><p>The only wrong thing is to enable. Another care package is not enabling. It's making it possible for you (and all the rest of the family, too) to address an impossible situation so you can reclaim the opportunities for joy in your life without guilt.</p><p></p><p>The way it should be.</p><p> </p><p>I think having him home while you are gone might be enabling. To my mind, enabling is when we do something that weakens the kids, something that implies they are inept or incapable. For me, anyway, I am trying to believe they are strong, smart, capable people who are, whatever it looks like to me, doing what they want to do. </p><p></p><p>That is not a cop out. </p><p></p><p>After everything we have done to change their situations, my children are where they are. I am trying something different. </p><p></p><p>It is difficult not to get caught up in the shame of a child on the streets. I have learned the phrase "Please pray for difficult child." works well. If it is someone being especially nosy, I will say, "Oh, I just can't talk about it ~ please do pray for us, and for difficult child."</p><p></p><p>I hate those nosy busy bodies. It's like they are trying to suck the life out of us. What is happening to us, to our kids, is tragic. Our children's lives are not fodder for some simpering idiot to use to make herself look sympathetic.</p><p></p><p>Elie Wiesel wrote something to the effect that to speak of (the Holocaust) in words was to demean its sacred horror.</p><p></p><p>That is how I feel about what happens in our families.</p><p></p><p>Just a private little bone I like to pick, when I think about the way people use our pain to demean us or our children.</p><p></p><p>Grrrrr.....</p><p></p><p>****************************</p><p></p><p>It is the situation with our children that is bad. Not the kids, not us. Whatever we do is going to feel wrong. There is no way to prepare for the situations our children present. We need to remember that we must give ourselves the time we need to come to terms with whatever it is. We need to think about three or four options for how to handle whatever it is so that we can look at ourselves in the mirror the next morning if something goes wrong.</p><p></p><p>And we lose them.</p><p></p><p>That is the underlying horror that makes it impossible to think, that makes it feel so wrong to be far away from them.</p><p></p><p>Love him in every way you can, assure him you will bring him a special something from your travels...but I say, don't let him come home just because you are going to be far away.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 625337, member: 17461"] That you are traveling changes nothing about the situation, Lucy. Your child made his choice. So far, this is working for all of you. However you are keeping in contact with him now, you can do the same while traveling. If it is a question of guilt or worry, you could mail him (or hand deliver) another Red Cross package before you go. This could be a cathartic and positive experience for all of you, actually. A little going away party, an I love you, son. It is never wrong to love them, never wrong to tell them we do. The only wrong thing is to enable. Another care package is not enabling. It's making it possible for you (and all the rest of the family, too) to address an impossible situation so you can reclaim the opportunities for joy in your life without guilt. The way it should be. I think having him home while you are gone might be enabling. To my mind, enabling is when we do something that weakens the kids, something that implies they are inept or incapable. For me, anyway, I am trying to believe they are strong, smart, capable people who are, whatever it looks like to me, doing what they want to do. That is not a cop out. After everything we have done to change their situations, my children are where they are. I am trying something different. It is difficult not to get caught up in the shame of a child on the streets. I have learned the phrase "Please pray for difficult child." works well. If it is someone being especially nosy, I will say, "Oh, I just can't talk about it ~ please do pray for us, and for difficult child." I hate those nosy busy bodies. It's like they are trying to suck the life out of us. What is happening to us, to our kids, is tragic. Our children's lives are not fodder for some simpering idiot to use to make herself look sympathetic. Elie Wiesel wrote something to the effect that to speak of (the Holocaust) in words was to demean its sacred horror. That is how I feel about what happens in our families. Just a private little bone I like to pick, when I think about the way people use our pain to demean us or our children. Grrrrr..... **************************** It is the situation with our children that is bad. Not the kids, not us. Whatever we do is going to feel wrong. There is no way to prepare for the situations our children present. We need to remember that we must give ourselves the time we need to come to terms with whatever it is. We need to think about three or four options for how to handle whatever it is so that we can look at ourselves in the mirror the next morning if something goes wrong. And we lose them. That is the underlying horror that makes it impossible to think, that makes it feel so wrong to be far away from them. Love him in every way you can, assure him you will bring him a special something from your travels...but I say, don't let him come home just because you are going to be far away. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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