difficult child hospitalized

Fran

Former desparate mom
She is pretty manipulative and you didn't allow yourself a chance for a respite. Once you drew the line in the sand so to speak, she did settle down. She will push you as long as you let her. Mama bear takes care of herself first as well as very protective of her cubs.
Hopefully, she will be this angel child for a few days but I wouldn't count on it. Every time she throws a tantrum, pack up and go home.
The narcotics probably have scrambled her memory so you can't really count on her remembering all the loving hours you have put in.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Fran is right. You stopped being her punching bag and she changed her tune. REMEMBER THIS!!!!

The more you let her yell, scream. demand and be horrible the more she will be horrible. If you remove her audience and privileges and emotional punching bag, she is vastly more likely to behave well. I imagine that at home she gets loud and mean and demanding and eventually either gets what she wants or she gets something so that she will just stop. Even if something is just to have whatever chore or task minimized or reduced. It buys you some peace but it teaches her that bad behavior gets what she wants.

WE ALL HAVE TIMES WE FALL INTO THIS. The trick is to change as soon as you realize you are giving in to her.

Everyone at home walks on eggshells because she might blow up, right? What would happen if every time she blew up or got mean or demanding, you and easy child started doing something fun and completely ignoring her?

At 16 she is more than old enough to understand the concept of "Do to Get". It is very very simple. If she wants to GET something over and above the bare minimum that the law says she must have then she must DO something to EARN IT FIRST. Legally you must provide her with a mattress to sleep on, blanket, and pillow, a light in the room, shelter, food to eat,clothes to wear and medical care. Period. EVERYTHING over that is a PRIVILEGE. It may be a way to help get rid of the gfgness, though it won't be easy.

I am glad she was so pleasant the next day. Her insistence on one drug over another is rather scary, isn't it? Is she addicted to any substance? The dilaudid for the pain of the infection would have likely taken care of withdrawal. Ask the doctor, PRIVATELY, if she is likely to experience withdrawal when they stop giving her the dilaudid? It might be a good idea to ask him if he thinks she might have a sub abuse problem. SOME people with addictive tendencies (I have heard people talk about addictive personalities but am not sure if that is a real diagnosis or not) get much needed pain relief while in a hospital for a problem and then do not stop taking the medications. With her rage over the two pain medications and refusal to take medications that don't make her "high", it is something you need to ask about.

I am not saying to tell the doctor not to give her pain medications because it is cruel and inhumane to withhold pain medications if someone is in terrible pain (and it can slow healing and cause other complications). Make sure he knows that you want her to have adequate pain management but worry about addiction given her other problems. You may want to tell him that she has X other diagnosis's and refuses to take medications unless they will make her "high". It might even be possible to have her evaluated by a psychiatrist or therapist to see what signs of sub abuse are there.

Take care of Mama Bear, then youngest cublet, then older difficult child cublettina. Cublet comes first because he is younger, vulnerable to her, and has EARNED more because he is a easy child. The more you and cublet stay around her when she is being ugly (or let her stay around you at home), the more she will be ugly.

(((((hugs)))))
 
P

PatriotsGirl

Guest
She was discharged on Friday and believe it or not, she is still being wonderful!!! Hubs and I were talking about it yesterday - how it is like we brought home a different child. I am not stupid enough to believe this will last. I know it won't. But for the meantime I am going to cherish every moment od respite :) I have lots and lots of posts to catch up on tomorrow - just wanted to shoot a quick update on my situation. Thank you all sooooo much for being here!!!!!

P.S. One of her nurses got her the prescription for Percocet while she was in the hospital and she didn't even use them!! She continued the dilauded until they said no more and she was adult about it and said okay, no problem.
 

idohope

Member
Thanks for the update. I have been wondering about you all. I am glad that she was well enough to be discharged and that she is still behaving well enough to give you a break. As you said. Enjoy this time and use it well to recharge.
 
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