difficult child I gets a phone call and all heck breaks loose

[amazeofgrace]

so difficult child I (17) was doing pretty well, then tonight a phone call came in and I am guessing it was the girlfriend, I am guessing she's not coming home from the Phillipians, but he did not say (there was a 50/50 chance she was coming home and not staying).

difficult child I came out of his room and has been being sheer evil to me and my Mother. He also just mouthed off to my Father. He is acting borderline Psychotic. He is cursing, glarring, clenching his fists and threatening to break my laptop and burst through me to get to it. I am at a loss when he flips into this mode, he's telling me I am trash and to go kill myself. Asking me "how you feeling mom? a little stressed? you know you're garbage right?" I am on the edge and about to call the police or mobile. He has probation 2morrow, and he literally is off house arrest on Saturday! When I mention it, he says point blank he doesn't F'n care.

I really do not feel safe when he gets like this, I also am afraid for difficult child II. Now I will be verbally brow beaten by my Father 2morrow over difficult child I's behavior this evening. He said he did not want to take his medications tonight because he said "then he can't drink!" Hello! What the F! I just do not know what flips this switch in him, again, he mirrors his Father (but S2BX was normally drinking or freshly dry when it would happened). If the clonodine kicks in, and we make it to the morning and get him to school, we'll address it at probation 2morrow and see what she says, I do not have my hopes up. I am sitting on my phone, and not leaving my laptop for fear he'll break it. It's not an exageration, when I say "he's literally terrorizing me"! I am so sorry this is what he has become, but I am done with it, done with S2BX and done with anyone treating me this way, I am so sick and tired, tired tired TIRED!

he just went in the bathroom and slammed the door!

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry things are so rough. Do you have any options, such as to send him to his father and father's parents to live? I know your in-laws don't like you but what if you send difficult child 1 to them?? What will they do?

I am very worried about you. It sounds very much like you are in danger. Real, physical danger. Can you lock the door when you go to sleep tonight? Can he get into your room while you sleep? I hope not, cause it really sounds as though he has taken something.

When was he last drug tested? Are there any medications in the home other than his that could give him a buzz of any kind? Could he have gotten something from another kid at school?

Take care of yourself. And, please, go through his room while he is in school tomorrow so you can see if there is anything there that he could get high on. You need to know to tell his probation officer. PLEASE tell the PO that you are in danger from this young man.

Keeping you in my prayers!

 

[amazeofgrace]

I will be locking the door. I wish I could lock his door from the outside.

mother in law would probably not take him. S2BX is in rehab out of state

he is sitting on the floor 1 foot away from me, badgering me

 

[busywend]

Well, I don't recall how old your difficult children are, so it makes it hard to give advice. But, I would tell him he has until 7pm tomorrow to decide if he was going to be respectful to his family OR find a new family to terrorize.
You are being verbally abused by your child. You do NOT have to take it.

Of course, the whole age thing does come into play here. If he is 12 you can not expect him to find other living arrangements.

 

[amazeofgrace]

he is 17

 

[Andy]

Can police take him to ER for a evaluation? He does sound very dangerous and maybe needs inpatient treatment NOW!

What is difficult child II doing tonight? Is he safe at home? How about your parents?

Terrorizing is grounds for arrest - your top priority is the safety of EVERYONE in the household - get him out tonight if at all possible - it should be to a place that can observe him -

 

[amazeofgrace]

thankfully he has de-escalated, which is normally the way it goes, after all the bruhaha is out of his system!

It also assures me he did not spit his pills out, when I finally got him to take them. The clonodine and melatonin are doing their job. Reality is slowly sinking in, he admitted his girlfriend called and said she's been out clubbing and drinking with her cousins (sounds like she'll really get her act together over there huh?) So I guess he's worried and PO'd about that news, then the phone cut out. I held my ground though and did not give him the phone regardless of his 1/2 baked apology.

this is the stuff that just syphons the very life out of me, I feel sick as it is, I just feel like a puddle of goo!

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow. He can get nasty!
Scary stuff.
I'm glad he calmed down.
Would he be willing to discuss it further with-you? Sounds like he already told you a bit about the call. It might be a good teaching moment, like, "I know how frustrating that can be. When you're upset like that, you can beat up a pillow (or a punching bag in the garage) instead of taking it out on us."
He has to be really, really calm when you talk about this or it will backfire (been there done that!!!)
Best of luck. Glad you're standing firm on the phone issue.
(I know how it feels to be a puddle. I've been puddling a lot lately.)

 

[Christy]

I'm glad things have calmed down but I can't imagine how scary things are for you. Can you call the police, force him into rehab, refuse to let him live there (at 17?). I don't know the legal options but you need to be safe!

Christy

 

[trinityroyal]

AOG, I'm very glad that difficult child has de-escalated.
However, I'm still worried about the next time he escalates.

You're living in the middle of it, so once the crisis has passed you feel better. Your difficult child 1 is 17. He's capable of causing you real physical harm during one of these rages.

Now that things are in place, I would strongly recommend putting an action plan in place. Something like:
The next time he goes off, you are going to get to a safe place and call 911. Get him transported to psychiatric hospital or somewhere, so that you and difficult child II are safe. You can't live like that, walking on eggshells and held hostage by your difficult child's mood and mental state.

Sending great big hugs. Sorry that you're having to go through this.

Trinity

 

[butterflydreams]

How scary! I am glad things have calmed down a bit, but it is still worrysome. My 12 yr old difficult child scares me when he gets like that, I can't imagine what it will be when he is 17 if he is still like that.

I would definitely not let this go unchecked. Get a safety plan in place and definitely talk to PO about it.

Hugs,

Christy

 

[amazeofgrace]

He admitted the reason he was so angry was that his girlfriend called and told him she has been out partying and clubbing in the Philipians (she is 15) then the phone card ran out, I guess because she had used all the minutes on calling her "friends" 1st. So he went into a rage.

Remind me to thank her if she ever comes back, no no, I am not going to enable him to blame his behavior on others, he is to blame, she is just a hoochie!

difficult child I went to see the PO officer today, he did not want me to go in with him (wonder why?) but I had already called and left her a voice mail about last nite, so she ripped into him pretty good, but he is still off house arrest as of 2morrow, he even took the day off from work, and plans on walking out of the house as soon as he opens his eyes! Little does he know there's a tropical storm coming, we've already had win and flood warnings here in Jersey! Say la vie, I can see another rage on the horizon!

PS: Butterfly, my 11 y/o can get equally scarey, that's the hard part, if it is not one it's the other, or even worse BOTH!!! It's very good birth control though!

 

[galadriel]

amazeofgrace, that is exactly how my sons are, they are age 16. One is bi-polar, ADHD and anxiety disorder. The other is Bi-polar Lite for lack of a proper diagnosis - he rages too but at least afterwards he feels bad about it. difficult child is always either raging or surly. He uses taking/ not taking his medications to try and manipulate me into giving him money. You never know what is going to set one or both of them off, and it doesn't take much. They call me all kinds of names, the vilest swearing you've heard.

This week was rough because our school still isn't in session due to delayed construction. The boys refused to come home wed. nite, they wanted to stay in town with their friends. I called their best friend's mother and she said they could stay there. 5:00AM came the call, all boys were in police custody. Hers (he's a 16 yr old kid too, with "no brakes") was under arrest for Unauthorized Possession of Alcohol and providing same to minors. He had $5000 bail and went to jail. Mine were: #1 - getting a ticket for Criminal Tampering (he moved public works cones from a sidewalk repair into the street to stop traffic) and #2 (difficult child Lite)- had nothing happen to him, as he had drunk the beers provided and fallen asleep on a porch swing.

After this all settled out I told them they were going to be staying home all weekend but when I got home from work they wanted rides to another friend's house. I said no, and things devolved from there. The arguing ended up with difficult child screaming about me buying four shirts and a pair of shoes for #2 and only getting him one during the summer. When I reminded him that he didn't get to go to the mall with us because he had refused to go to his psychiatrist appointment earlier that day, he just yelled f u. It was pretty ugly and after I had done so well all summer not getting into circular arguments with them!

They then called the 2nd friend's dad without my knowledge and he actually came and got them both. I just let them go. About that time husband arrived home and he didn't want them in the house tonight, either.

Neither kid can handle being asked to do anything, and neither kid can take no for an answer. It's pretty scary when they both get going but usually it's just one at a time. They are particularly stressed because they were shocked that the buddy went to jail. He's also the local drug mule, which is why the village cops hauled him to County Jail so fast.

difficult child also stuffed his medications in his pocket that night instead of taking them, I assume like you said so he could drink.

 

[amazeofgrace]

ya know I just do not get kids these days. difficult child I is devastated his "brother" from JV got 4 years in the "berg" for armed robery! 1st of all he only just me his "brother" the 7 days he was in JV in June. Second of all Armed freaking robery! He deserves longer then 4 years. The entitlement of this generation is going to make for an interesting future for our country, they will probably manage to make it legal to uthinize us "seniors" by then, rather then caring for us!

 

[galadriel]

Oh heck, after taking all this abuse from kids, by then I'll be signing up for the PTS list!

 

[Wiped Out]

AOG,
I'm sorry, it sounds very scary. No new advice, just sending hugs.

 

[Love the sunshine]

amazeofgrace,

Does your son's po not allow you to provide any input regarding him coming off house arrest? Maybe we're just lucky, but my son's po made sure my husband and I were OK with it before she agreed to let him off house arrest. If your son starts any trouble at all tomorrow, I would call her immediately. It could be different in our state and with my son's po, but since he's still 17, she allows us to give a lot of input and checks with us frequently about his behavior.

And I can't stress enough how much I agree with what the others said regarding your safety. Please, get your safety plan in place. The second your son starts something where you feel you are in danger, follow through on your plan to keep everyone safe - including your son. As you know, things can escalate SO quickly.

It's so difficult to handle the rages when they are younger, but when they get to be in their late teens and older, it can be really scary. A few months ago, we had to call the police and have our son housed because of a violent rage. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. As I looked back, I thought I should have done it sooner. If I were looking at a stranger's situation, it would be a "no-brainer" -that person is violent - call the police and keep the family safe.

However, as a mom of a difficult child with behavior like that, maybe we become desensitized to what is happening, or maybe their behavior gradually gets worse, or maybe we subconciously downplay incidents after the fact. I know it's probably a combination of all of those things for me. I'm not an expert, but I'm thinking those are VERY common behaviors/characteristics of victims of abuse - physical AND verbal. I can't let myself fall into those traps anymore. I wouldn't want you to either.

Take care of yourself and stay safe.

 

[amazeofgrace]

love the sunshine,

we had to call the police and have our son housed because of a violent rage

I have called the police countless times on difficult child I, and literally told them to take him the last time, they refused. Even when I pointed out that he was out of control and being violent and that I was afraid and could not control him. I asked what would happen if he hit me and then said I could press charges but they still would not take him! I guess that's just how it is here in jersey. Sigh....everyone passes the buck and no one does anything

 

[TerryJ2]

as a mom of a difficult child with behavior like that, maybe we become desensitized

I agree.
So sorry, Amaze and Galadriel.

 

[Love the sunshine]

I'm so sorry. That must be a really helpless feeling. The system (or the people that work in it) can be so stinkin' frustrating. I hope today was better, for you amazeofgrace, and galadriel.