difficult child in foster care and tonights another another visitation/i'm nervous.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Sep 13, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    my difficult child has been in foster care for a couple of months. she gets to come to the house for a two hour visit once a week. Last week, during the first hour a lot of the reasons she's in foster care were present, and the second hour was better. That first hour, I was extremely nervous. I have begun to enjoy waking up in the mornings, I lay awake in the mornings realizing that no one is going to call me a fngbch, and that brings a smile to my face, I can walk all around my entire home and be happy in all the rooms, and nothing is going to come flying my way. I can talk to my dog, and not be criticized for anything that I do. I get excited instead of dreading the end of a workday or workweek. It's fun to go home. I've learned things about me. I am a good mom, I was a good mom, I am a good person, I can be happy, I do know how to smile, and I do have a sense of humor, I can laugh, and Laugh and laugh. I don't want it to end. I don't want her to come home and ruin it. The thought of even trying to bring her home makes me want to run in another direction. I know I am not strong enough and the state is not pushing her to come home, but I am not sure that I will ever want her to. She cries to come home, but I know it's manipulation, because the behaviors are still there. I guess I am just not ready. Will I ever be is what I wonder?
  2. zba189

    zba189 Guest

    I'm no where near an expert, but my difficult child is in at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program right now and I think the question you're asking is perfectly normal. My difficult child is showing vast improvements in his behavior but I still break out in a cold sweat hours before his THVs. I asked my husband last night if it was alright to think that life is easier when he's not here. Easier because I'm not always having to be "on", like when he is home. If you're anything like me you struggled with making the decision to seek out a less than traditional idea of help for your difficult child and now you're just taking things one day at a time. Hugs.
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    well the caseworker called and cancelled because she has strep throat. I cried. So I guess deep down I really wanted to see her. I guess it's just going to take some time. I know she's going to be really disappointed today and I'de like to be there to give her a big hug. I made her a special supper, pot roast and carrots and potatoes in the crock pot. Thanks zba189, this is definately not easy. Good luck with your difficult child coming hoime soon.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Jody, after having both kt & wm in various & sundry Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stays & now wm in long term therapeutic foster care I can tell you your feelings are perfectly normal.

    There are days your heart is literally breaking from missing your difficult child; there are others that makes you wonder why you ever had kids in the first place. :) A parents heart must be flexible & strong. It must be able to withstand the manipulation when you know darned well what is going on in your difficult children head. This is the way of the world with our little wonders.

    Rest up - do something special for you tonight. Next week's visit will come soon enough.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  6. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Jody -- perfectly normal. I dreaded gfg17 coming home and worked actively against it even when he was getting better. I had to pushed -- almost to be confronted -- to make up my mind about whether or not I could accept the idea of him coming home.

    It turns out he is doing OK, but that's not really the point. The point is your feelings are normal and healthy and you don't want to be traumatized again. The only thing I can suggest is that we can use some of this time to build ourselves up so we don't feel like victims again. Unfortunately I had to spend a lot of time doing that while difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because I had become so traumatized. Well, I didn't have to, I chose to. We had home-based family therapy while difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and that really helped. We talked about our feelings about difficult child, looked at our own roles in what was going on (not in a blaming way) and made a safety plan for what to do in a crisis when he came home. All kids who go to this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have home-based in place for when they come home, and it starts before they come home.

    Take care. It's a slow process.