difficult child in psychiatric hospital -again..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He had been doing better- but he had two knives tonight. One in his right arm swung back and one in his left hand about an inch from my throat. He demanded my cigs. I gave them to him and he went to his room. This all came shockingly out of the blue- we had just been chatting in the kitchen- he wasn't irratible or anything.

    Anyway, as soon as he went to his room, I called 911. They came- these two guys weren't so nice- but they didn't bring tasers. I immediately starting telling them that I wanted difficult child tdo'd and that they had to take him somewhere tonight. They started with the "We don't HAVE to take him anywhere, Ma'am". And that did it for me.

    I said "oh really". I went to the other room and came back with therapist's letter and a copy of my request for emergency hearing, dated last Thurs. I pput that out for them to read. I told them he saw psychiatrist yesterday. He saw PO today- she said if she'd thought he needed more, she would have requested it. I said "so just what is it that you think I should be doing that I haven't already done and just who in this county is supposed to be doing something?"

    They read the stuff and got nicer. One said he'd been doing this 13 years and he was sorry to say that I'm not the only parent that has called them and confronted them with the exact same problems and frustrations. I asked if he could do anything to speed up getting a hearing and he said no- he said they listen to cops less than they listen to parents.

    Then, he called mental health crisis to start tdo and - check this out- the crisis center put him on hold for over 10 mins. I was thinking at that point, that if we can get difficult child tdo'd, I'm not going to sign parental admission to psychiatric hospital- that will force a hearing. But, the cops got frustrated over being put on hold from county crisis center (the only place in the county that cops can call to get a tdo) so they started talking about taking difficult child to detention center.

    difficult child heard this and decided he'd go to psychiatric hospital willingly. Well, that blew my plan to force a tdo hearing. One cop followed me and difficult child down there. That's another weird thing- I'd been told by several cops before that they aren't allowed to do that because it's over the county line. Anyway, about 6 hours later, here I am.

    At least difficult child told them (cops and people at psychiatric hospital) that he put a knife in my face to get cigs. It didn't sound quite so violent coming from him and using those words- but it definitely sounded irrational and mentally unstable. Especially when they asked if he was planning on hurting me and he just nonchalantly said "Oh- Noooo".

    Our family meeting is already scheduled- for Friday. I'll push again for them to try to get more supports- but I'm worried because last time I did that, the social worker said she would check on things with psychiatric hospital psychiatrist. Then, I got a call from that psychiatrist and he just said difficult child was standing next to him and he was discharging him. But, my therapist told me today that every trip/admission to psychiatric hospital just worked to prove my point to others in the system that difficult child needs more mental health care than just typical outpatient appts.

    And, after thinking about it, my plan to force a hearing by not signing parental placement in psychiatric hospital would have backfired- the judge probably would have said "why should the county help you- you wouldn't sign to put your son in psychiatric hospital when he was taken there".
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    geeze, I just can't imagine how terrifying it must be to have your son wielding two knives! And you just had a psychiatrist appointment in the afternoon didn't you?

    I think you did everything right. Now we wait and see if others will do what's right. Hugs and support.

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very scary! I think you handled it wonderfully with the police. I'm glad they became more helpful after you pulled out your letters. It's sad it took that. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Hopefully, they will start providing more services. Hugs.
  4. artana

    artana New Member

    How hard and how scary.:( I think you are really strong. I am so glad he's in the psychiatric hospital and away from you so he can't try to hurt you again.
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Wow, how terrible to have your son holding a knife to your throat! I'm sorry.

    I hope they can help you at the hospital. How long are they keeping him? I hope they are able to put together a discharge plan that includes you not being put in harms way. Are you going to allow him to come home after the phospital? I dunno, I'd be very leery of it. Never had that happen to me, but, I wouldn't tolerate it.

    Be safe.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    That is scary. You are doing a fantastic job going through this - I know how hard this has to be on your mommy heart. Stay strong - hide the knives, scissors and hammers (that is what my difficult child asked me to do when he felt he couldn't trust himself to not hurt himself or others).
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It seems like a never ending circle of the same for you. I am sorry. You are such a strong mom. I hope that someone out there will help you get the help for your son. You both deserve much more than you are getting.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh honey I'm sorry. I still believe that something positive will come out of this experience tonight in terms of the hearing. Please know my prayers and good thoughts are constant during this time. Love you, ML
  9. How scarey, klmno. I sure hope that difficult child is able to get the help he needs. I don't know why it has to be so difficult to get the kids the help they need.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Klmno, I am so sorry. He has no idea that all it takes is to trip on something ...
    anyway, I think that the mental health crisis place putting the cop on hold for 10 min. is a metaphor for the whole darn thing. :(
    I hope your son gets some real help this time.
  11. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    ((HUGS)) start boxing up the sharps while he's at the hospital.......
    glad you weren't hurt
    sure hope he'll get some sort of help this time :(
  12. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am so sorry!! Glad he is in the hospital. You handled it beautifully. How scary and sad for you. I hope they are able to stabilize him. Try to get some rest while he is away. Respite for you.

    I am so frustrated for you. What else has to happen for these people to give you what you need???

    Hang in there. :)
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    BIG HUGS. I know how hard this is, but also what a kind of relief it can be. I always had such mixed emotions when these things happened. I'm sorry your county seems so darned inept at handling these things.

    The police can transport over the county line, they did that once when Oldest was TDO'd. All the way to Pburg. If they can transport, I don't see why they can't escort you. Glad they did. I hate to say it, b ut this admission is more ammunition that you need more assistance from teh county, including wrap-around services. See if you can get the psychiatric hospital doctor to put that in his discharge papers, when the time comes.

    I hope you can get some rest. You must be both emotionally and physically exhausted And hey, if you want to take this time and have a quick break for coffee (or something stronger!), you have my numbers. Time for yourself is definitely needed right now.

    HUGS again.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs. I"m sorry, but again you did the right thing and made the right choice. I"m glad he verbalized what he did to them.

  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, All! Thank you for all the support and well-wishes. At this point, I think he should go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)- immediately upon discharge. I don't see any way to make that happen, but that's what I think. I called PO and let her know he was back in psychiatric hospital. She just said to keep her informed. psychiatrist has his letter ready- I wish now that I'd waited to ask for it so he could include something about this psychiatric hospital stay and recommendations.

    Maybe I can write a letter and see if I can have therapist, psychiatrist, and my letter attached to the request for hearing. I think I'll call over to clerk's office today and see, since it's been almost a week since I put this request in. It sure would be nice if I could get a letter from psychiatric hospital recommending an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If that didn't get him in one I don't know what would. Then, I guess the issue would be a waiting list.
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    How many times are they gonna let him slip through the cracks? I mean come on someone help this kid and you!
    This is po'ing me so much, I can not even imagine how crazy this must make you.
    Do they want him to really hurt you? Send you or himself to the hospital with wounds?
    He really should not go home at this point. I know you don't feel good about the places in your area, but he does not seem to be moving forward at all. His stability has been so up and down over time.
    I am just so dumbfounded by our Mental Health System. By our Government at times.
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep pushing, and please take care of yourself.
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    psychiatrist from psychiatric hospital just called. He discussed medications and debated out loud about adding seroquel or abilify to the lithobid and tegretol. I told him I don't mind adding seroquel. He went with abilify instead. I told him point blank that I think difficult child needs to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at this point. He said we'd discuss it a t family meeting. He's never at the family meeting. Oh, well. I'll be discussing it then anyway. This psychiatrist hears difficult child's version of things, which of course is minimized, then he downplays that. So to listen to him, there's hardly any problem at all. I'm learning to speak up quick and let him know that there is more to it and this isn't the first time this has happened and it's getting worse.

    difficult child is telling all of them up there that the issue is that he was craving cigarettes. in my humble opinion, that is NOT the issue. The issue is the knife in my face. I don't care if he was starving for food, that does not justify what he did and anyone who lets difficult child turn the focus onto his "craving for cigs" is only reinforcing an idea that the aggression was understandable.

    I called court's clerk to ask status of my request and to see if I can bring written recommendations from therapist and psychiatrist. She said "hold on" and the next thing you know, I'm having to leave a voice mail for someone who didn't even identify her position on her message so I have no idea if I was even transferred to the right place. I might have to make another trip down there.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know it's frustrating. And, I know the psychiatrist is never at the family meeting. Their role in acute inpatient treatment always seems minimal at best. Of all the times Youngest was hospitalized (total of 8, I think, at least once in every adolescent unit you can name around here), I only found ONE psychiatrist who actually listened to what I had to say. He even kept Youngest an extra few days, stretched insurance as far as he could, to give me time to set up help at home. He was wonderful. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum, another psychiatric hospital, on two separate admissions, called me out of the blue one afternoon and said, "ok! come get her! She's been discharged!" with no planning whatsoever.

    The acute programs are subject to the same budget cuts and short-staffing that the counties are dealing with. They're putting bandaids on these kids and sending them home. I don't think they are equipped to do much more, sadly.

    Keep fighting. You're doing great.
  19. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    O.M.G.! I am just amazed at the friggin' circle you are stuck in! It's like a horrible Twilight Zone episode and gee, haven't we been here before?! You are amazing that you still have your sanity and patience to work the system like you are having to!

    I sure do hope they hear you loud and clear at the meeting on Friday -- do you get to specify which Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he goes to in your request?
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks!! I hope someone would have come forward and made all this public knowledge if difficult child had have killed me. It is pathetic. And yes, I'm upset with difficult child, but things wouldn't have gotten to this point if adequate help had been given a long time ago.