difficult child in psychiatric hospital

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Took my difficult child to the ER in the same hospital as the pediatrician.psychiatric hospital yesterday afternoon. We got there around 2 PM. 9:30 last night, I walked out of the hospital with my SO, but without difficult child. SO was afraid to let me drive home, I was so upset, but I did, I have to have my car to take the easy child's to the bus stop and stuff. I got it back together to drive home, and fell apart again once we were home. Walking away from my 6 YO, the baby of the family, while he begged me not to leave him was the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that he is in the best place he can be right now, but I feel like such a failure as a mom, that I have let him down, that there had to be something more that I could have done.

    The nurse called us after we got home to let us know that he settled down, got his shower and went to bed and right to sleep after we left, so that helped.

    SO supports my decision to have him admitted, totally, but he is so confused by his behavior, he is just lost. He is 11 years older than me, raised his 2 kids alone, and never experienced anything or anyone like my difficult child before.

    I have a ton of stuff to do today, I have to get his school work for the next week, call his therapist and the psychiatrist he was scheduled to see Thursday, still have to get my wrist XRays taken and at 10 AM I have the first meeting with the case manager here at home. I need to take some more clothes down to difficult child, SO took a few things this AM, but he needs more PJ's socks and undies.

    Sigh. What a horrible 36 hours we have had.

    Thanks to everyone for all your support so far... and all your help and advice.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jan, admitting a child to psychiatric hospital is among the hardest things a parent must do. But don't ever think of yourself as a failure. A parent who fails is a parent who buries her head in the sand and doesn't face up to the fact that her child needs help. You have taken a very important step -- getting your son into a safe place where he can be observed, evaluated and treated for whatever is going on with him.

    I hope you will take this time to rest and replenish yourself (and take care of your wrist). Kids in phosps generally do quite well with the structure and activities the psychiatric hospital has to offer. The time will go very quickly, and he will be home before you know it.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. I know how difficult this is for you and your family.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are not a failure - actually, you are a hero. You recognized that this is bigger than what you can handle and are asking for help.

    I remember those same feelings last October when I left my son at psychiatric hospital and drove 1 hour home to get his belongings (clothes, pillow, ect.). I cried all the way home. I called the church to let the teacher know. Another friend called me and I cried to her. I just couldn't face telling husband and the rest of the family. I just kept telling myself over and over that I could not continue the way it was going.

    You have two other kids to also take care of (my easy child was 17 so could take care of herself) so your challenge is even bigger than mine. I buried myself in my work. I have a private office and it really was good therapy for me. Today will also be hard but the errands you need to do will help.

    I am glad the psychiatric hospital called you to let you know he did well last night.

    Take very good care of yourself. Plenty of sleep, good meals, exercise - you need your strength to take care of all your kids.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. It must take amazing strength to do what you (and many others) have done. Hang in there, he is in the place that he needs to be.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know this is hard, but it is a positive step toward getting your difficult child healthy and stable. It really is something a GOOD parent does. I am glad your SO is there for you. It may help having a busy day. Be sure to take time to recharge YOUR batteries while difficult child is safe in the psychiatric hospital.

    Most difficult children really do very well in the structure of a psychiatric hospital, surprisingly enough.


  6. jal

    jal Member

    You are not a failure. You need help. husband and I had to put our 6 y.o. difficult child in the psychiatric hospital this summer, so I can sympathize at how hard it is with-one so young. Our difficult child stayed for 3 weeks. You can get through this, just knowing you are getting your difficult child the help he needs. Truthfully too, the respite is much needed (for all of you). I know it was for us. Hang in there!
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You did the right thing. I know how hard it is to leave your child, especially for the first time. The first time my difficult child was admitted, I too was a total mess. I could not drive home either. One of my difficult child's teachers once said something to me that stuck with me, she said "What would you do if your daughter had a horrible gash in her head and was bleeding uncontrollably? Would you bring her to the hospital?" I said, "Of course" She then said "Well Shawna, she is bleeding from her head!!! Take her to the hospital" It sounds bad but I understood, we can't physically see our childrens illness, nonetheless it is still there and needs to be treated. Sometimes I think life would be easier if our difficult children had a physicall illness that can be seen by the naked eye, it would be easier to understand, more forgiving, especially to the outside world.

    You did what you had to do. Admitting your child to the hospital makes you a good mother. You ultimately did it because you love your son and you want the best for him. It may not seem like that right now, the guilt is a killer, but your heart is so in the right place. You have to try to let go of that guilt and remember that you did what you needed to do to help your son not hurt him. Take some time for yourself to relax and regain your energy so you can be ready when he gets home. Go out and have a date night with your SO, you deserve it!!!

    {{{HUGS}}} :)
  8. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Jan-My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how difficult a decision that was for you and your family. I hope you are somewhat comforted in the fact that he (and your family) will be getting the help you need. Please know that you did the right thing for you. At that moment in time it was the best decision you had available.

    Take this opportunity to get yourself in the right place-spiritually, mentally, whatever you think you need. Refresh your batteries and get prepared for the next step in the process. Give some extra love to your other kids because they're probably scared about all this too. Major ((((HUGS)))) to you. Hang in there and look for the rainbow while you get through the rain.
  9. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Well, I called the psychiatric hospital this AM, they said difficult child slept through the night, and had gotten up and was eating breakfast, seemed to be fine. I had a meeting with the case manager Behavioral Health assigned to us, and she told me before she left that I seemed to be on the right track and had my head screwed on straight about all of this. She was wonderful, and I think she will really go to bat for us when difficult child comes home. She has already offered to help with getting the school to do his testing for learning disabilities, she said she will be part of the IAT they are putting together.

    We have a tentative meeting set up with her on the 23rd for a meeting here with difficult child and the rest of the family. If he is out of the hospital by then.

    I'm waiting on the doctors office to call about my XRays and the school to call about difficult child's school work for the next week so I can take it and his clothes to the hospital.

    I know in my head I did the right thing for difficult child yesterday. Its so hard for my heart to accept though. difficult child's bio dad's SO and I spoke today, dad was extremely upset, kept telling his SO that difficult child "was supposed to be perfect". The good thing is that his SO used to work in a adolescent psychiatric hospital, so she can help him through this. I can't help him, its all I can do to help myself and the kids here :(

    I just wish either the school or the DR office would call. Sitting here is so hard :(

    Thanks for all the kind words and support

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jan, I know how you feel, except with-us, it was my husband who cried all the way home.
    I vacillated between thinking that the psychiatric hospital would give us a magic diagnosis and solution, and bracing myself for the fact that the diagnosis would probably be "mood disorder not otherwise specified." It did, in fact, turn out to be mood disorder, not otherwise specified. Bah, humbug.
    They did give us some validation and some strategies, but mostly, it was a way to keep difficult child calm and structured and make sure he wasn't a danger to himself.
    The only think my difficult child got upset about when he got out was the fact we didn't warn him. I told him I was afraid he'd refuse to go so I hoped he'd understand that. He said he did. :)
    It must be way harder for you because your son is so young. Sigh.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Haven't been down this path but want to offer hugs and encouragement to you during this tough time. You're a warrior mom doing the best for your child, and you both will get through this ordeal and be better for it.

    Hang in there!
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


    We had to admit our son when he was 10. We had adopted him out of foster care and this was not his first hospitalization but it was OUR first time. husband was at work when he was admitted so I handled it by myself. Fortunately, we went straight from a scheduled psychiatrist appointment to the hospital and I didn't have to spend hours in the ER. But...by the time I walked out of there I was blubbering to beat the band. Same thing the first visit. The doctor warned me that difficult child may try to get me to take him home and if he started on this I was to tell him I loved him and walk out. I did and blubbered the entire time out then too. I called husband and he was (gently) laughing at me because I was such a mess. But...it was the right thing to do and it had NOTHING to do with our parenting skills just as it has nothing to do with yours. (see quote above)

    It's hard especially when they are so young, but this is what is needed. Your baby is where he needs to be to get the help that he needs. One thing I noticed when difficult child was in the hospital (and we only have the one child so take this as you will) was that there was soooooooooooo much LESS stress in our house. As much as I worried about him, I felt like I had a chance to breathe again and recharge a little. Use this time to take a bit of a break from the chaos and help your easy child's to do the same. He's safe, he's being taken care of and now is the time for the rest of you to catch your breath. ((((((HUGS)))))
  14. moonwolf

    moonwolf moonwolf

    I know it's hard mom...it's hard on all of us...but just know that Mo and I are here for you....I love you
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off, very gentle hugs to you. You are not a failure, you had the courage to do what was hard for you and very much needed for your difficult child. My difficult child was 7 the first time he was hospitalized. I truly think it was harder on husband and I then on him. He thrived in the structure that only the hospital could provide. It was so difficult to leave him and yet I also felt guilt at the huge relief I felt. Until I looked at it from the point of view that he was safe and so was everyone else. This was important.

    Take this time to do some recharging, be good to you. Sending prayers your way.
  16. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks to all. We had our first phone call this evening, one call a day, 10 minutes long. The entire 10 minutes he cried for me to please come get him to take him home, to just come see him, it was horrible. I kept telling him I'd be there tomorrow, but he was insistent that I could have been there tonight if I had wanted to. I did call the psychiatric hospital afterward and ask them to please explain the visitors policy again. I know that tomorrow when I leave after our visit it will be terrible all over again. I KNOW he needs to be there, but how do I make a 6 YO understand that? He feels that I've deserted him, and with the separation issues we already have, I'm afraid we are making one thing worse to make something else (hopefully) better.

    The good news is, at first look, my wrist does not seem to be broken. I still have to wait until tomorrow for the official report, but was told that nothing obvious jumped out at the doctor.

    One minute at a time til I can handle one day at a time, right?

  17. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    That's right, one minute, one hour, one day at at time. I haven't had a child in a psychiatric hospital, but I've been to the point of serious consideration and that was brutal. I can only imagine what you are going through.

    (((((hugs))))) for your aching :warrior: mom heart.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Tomorrow will be here b4 you know it. I hope that the hospital. has been of some assistance, in the meantime.
    Best of luck with-your wrist. Ouch.