horserider
New Member
Hello everyone, I am new to your boards. I read many posts last night and found this a definite "soft spot" for parents like us. We have had an extremely difficult 2 months. Our difficult child has been in the youth home since Aug. 1., charged with domestic violence. He is 16 yrs. old, 17 in Dec. and has been non-medication compliant since April. I've read many of the post about "parent abuse" with interest as we have been down this road. Although in your heart you do not want to call 911, I do also believe we have rights to not be a victim of abuse, even if sadly it is from our difficult child. But if there is any way you can find an alternative "safe" environment for you difficult child, please do so. Having the court system control our son's life has been nothing short of tragic. Ironically I had to go on medications for my nerves while my son won't take his! He has been placed in a "therapy" program, but none the less it is still the youth home, jail for kids. He is only allowed one five minute phone call a week to us, and one hour visit a week. In the adult prison they can call 3 times a week and have two visit. Because my son is unstable and extremely emotional he has had a few incidents where he has had to face "re-entry". This is a 3 day process. They put him in his cell the first 24 hours, bringing him his food. If he behaves the 2nd day he can go to the gym by himself for exercise for one hour. The third day, if he behaves, he can leave his cell to go into the unit with the other boys for a few hours but he is not allowed to talk with anyone. The punshishment has been extreme, the therapy not very effective. Another serious issue we are dealing with is they do not have the teachers or resources to give my difficult child classes at the level (11th grade) he is at to stay on track for graduation. So the one important goal he has, to graduate on time they are taking away from him because he cannot get the classes/credits he needs. He is distressed realizing he will fail 11th grade, when he never failed a grade in school before. This is what we get for $170 a day! We have a court date Tuesday morning to review his placement in the program. I have worked hard and found an alternative residential placement in the next county over that has a wonderful educational component and intensive individual and family therapy. Here we can also work towards getting him back on medications. When they placed our son in the youth home therapy program they said they could not give us any other options, but the county right next to them places children in the program I found for years. I have written the judge a letter requesting my son's transfer to the program I found, explaining they would cause my son not to graduate if he stays in their program. The program I want to move him to is on 320 acres with a lake and many activities my son can be involved with, including community service once a week. The price, the same as the youth home program. No severe punishment, just caring staff with a mission statement "every child deserves a chance". So my lesson I would like to share with you is proactively seek out a residential program in your area, have the phone numbers and contacts ready if you need them. Contact your local Community Mental Health also. Our son received services for 2 years with CMH, working with us on a financial arrangement we could afford. If we would have known of this program I found before we called 911 we would have placed him there. We will be paying this bill until we go to our graves, but we only have one chance with our difficult child and I try and keep the faith and pray a lot. I have been a strong advocate for our difficult child all his life. Yes sometimes I do not "like" him and hate what he has done to our family. But the unconditionaly love remains. The last thing we want to do is remove our child from his home, but sometimes you have no choice. I pray the courts will be in agreement on Tuesday, his case manager and attorney agree we have to transition him to the program I found to have any hope of him coming out of this all okay. It takes a lot of time, effort, research and a strong will to never give up. My nerves are shot, I cry a lot, but I will always know when he turns 18 I did everything I can to get him the help he needs.
God Bless and take care
horserider -
Me - no diagnosis, on Xanex to help me through this
husband - Type 1 diabetic, adopted son at 5
ghg - only child, ADHD, BiPolar (BP), ODD was on Abilify and Vyvanse
God Bless and take care
horserider -
Me - no diagnosis, on Xanex to help me through this
husband - Type 1 diabetic, adopted son at 5
ghg - only child, ADHD, BiPolar (BP), ODD was on Abilify and Vyvanse