difficult child is 16

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Dec 25, 2010.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    grrrrrr.....things are so stressful. difficult child sees me as the one with the rules and the discipline and husband as the good guy. Ofcourse, that is how it is. I have to stand there and make sure he brushes his teeth, pick up wet towels, do homework (always a struggle). I set rules. When I am not there he has NO rules. Nothing.

    He hates school. Always has. Since day one. He doesn't do homework, waits until the last week or so before quarter is over then does just enough to pass.

    He calls me from school 3 or 4 times a day to ask if he can come home because he is "angry" only he uses the "p" word.

    He has me in tears, literally crying almost daily. Crisis intervention was called. Apparently they had a meeting at school and invited husband to go, but not me. Nobody told me. Found out the "way the system works" is if difficult child calls anyone because we are arguing....They take his word for it and I am taken away. Even though HE has a history of destroying things, and anger issues. School called 3 times last year. They came to my house and I didn't let them in. I was angry at what had happened. (difficult child called on me a day prior because WE were arguing) They wanted to come in to see the damage difficult child has done. I told them to look at the siding on both sides of the door. There are knuckle marks dented in the siding from difficult child punching it. I told them I would take them to the garage to show them the bedroom door we just replaced because there is nothing left, all holes. And...the new door now has a hole in it. I told them to talk to school. We had gotten called to take difficult child to ER to have his hand checked out because it was swollen and bleeding due to him punching the lockers. Grrrrr.

    Same day he called from school to see if I was going to conference. He yells and swears at me whenever we discuss school. So I said no. But I was talking to a friend, his old elementary school counselor and she said I must go. Especially since he asked. I told her I was afraid to. She said she would go with me. She always got through to him, and he really liked her. Always got along with her.

    She came with me. He looked at her and mouthed off (at school). She ran after him and put her hands on his shoulders and said his name. He said VERY disrespectfully.."get your hands off me" and he took off. She started crying. I started crying. I told her this is what it is like everyday. She told him she would leave. Then after a few minutes he was fine. Totally different kid. 18 missing assignments. Made arrangements to stay late everyday until they were complete.
    Down to 4 missing Physics.

    I am afraid of him. Afraid of the "system". He can pick up the phone and call on me at any time and they take ME away?????? I honestly cry every day from him yelling at me.

    He made a teacher cry last week. And it is a teacher he really likes. He said he felt really bad. I said , "you make me cry everyday". He replied "and I feel bad". If he does he doesn't show it.

    don't know what to do. It is always about him. Doesn't help out. It is difficult to work nights and take care of everything. Just so tired.
  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Oops...decided to make a different thread about his 16th birthday.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I have no answers but I feel your pain. The system hoovers and does more damage than good to our kids many times, I personally believe, but our hands are tied sometimes. It kills me to think of the things I've had to sit here and watch the people in the system do that I know is only making my son worse. You know- most of the time it's young profs who just got a job and now think they know everything about how to raise a kid and turn them around- even though they have no kids and are still identifying more with being a teen than raising a teen. No real concept.

    I digress.

    My son will turn 16 yo in a few weeks. He's incarcerated. I still feel your pain and I still have mixed emotions about my son turning 16.