difficult child is a mess

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Jul 18, 2011.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I haven't been on here much for about the last month because difficult child and my granddaughter are back at my house, and I didn't really want to hear how stupid I was, since I obviously know that anyway. But today I'm just going to vent away on this post about how awful it is to have her in my house and about how awful she is! How did I end up with-a daughter like this? At any rate, about a month ago (maybe more, time has kind of stopped) she showed up at my door at 2:30 am. She had packed as much as she could in her car- mostly just clothes and a few of K's toys. I found out later she had been living with-IG and his ex-girlfriend as he had talked her into an "open" relationship. WTF??? And my poor granddaughter is living in this mess. So she finally got sick of it and came back to my house- lucky me. She continues to tell me what a great guy IG is- well, he's not so great now. He will not give her any of her stuff back. She is sleeping on my couch, has no furniture, nothing. She is supposed to be starting a job in a week. Who knows if she will really follow through? She did get K enrolled in a daycare at the local Salvation Army with-four weeks free to allow her to get on her feet. Thank God because she is not the mother I would like her to be. The baby is clean, fed, etc. But she spends an awful lot of time on the computer and phone worrying about her social life like she is a carefree teenager while the baby wanders around bored. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. She takes the baby and goes and spends the night with her friends- how does that make any sense? When I talk to her about any of this she screams that all I want to do is put her down and she's a good mother, blah, blah, blah. It's insanity.

    We have had 3 or 4 major blowouts and they are always the same insane, irrational fights because she immediately gets enraged that I speak to her about anything she might need to work on in her life. She helps around the house some- usually only when I ask her and then half-heartedly. I have been supporting them and it's like she doesn't appreciate it at all. Don't get me wrong, I knew how she was when I let her come back home, but really, I'm speechless at the horribleness that is Kat. I wrote her a letter today telling her she had 2 weeks to show me she is seeking affordable housing. I can't keep this up. I'm a nervous wreck all the time, worried about the baby and not sleeping. She thinks she should be out running around all the time having fun and she has a 19-month-old baby. The baby is a delight- no developmental problems, in fact, she's ahead of her age, which is a miracle. And I know I can't do anything because CPS called me shortly after Kat came back and told me the case was closed. I told the caseworker Kat was back at my house and what should I do if she disappeared again, and she said just file a report with-CPS. That's another huge concern- who knows when she just won't come home again. She wouldn't be in my house at all if it weren't for K, but I can't turn the poor baby out! OMG I'm a basket case! Not looking for advice, really, just a vent that I have nowhere else to vent to!
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    So, how about some ((((HUGS)))) and prayers of strength? Keeping you all in my thoughts.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and strength, eliza.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* for you and little K.
  5. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Thanks guys! It's nice to have this understanding place!
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Believe me we understand, many of us have or would do the same thing. No judgement here!!!! Hugs.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Vent away! Sadly, many of us have been there done that and completely understand. Sending hugs. DDD
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    No judgement here either sweetie!!! I have a hard time with things as they are, throw a grandchild in to the mix and whew - I don't know what I would do!! I would probably be in the same boat as you right now...
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So understand when there are grands involved. Especially after this whole Casey trial, we worry even more about the kids. I think all grandparents will be keeping eyes peeled for a long time now.
  10. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Janet- I'm glad you mentioned the Casey Anthony thing- it's been in the back of mind, which made me feel even worse than usual. But with Kat wanting to run around and party all the time- that's what keeps popping in my head.
  11. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Many hugs to you. I know how I struggle with my difficult child and her difficult child ways - I cannot imagine how I would feel with an innocent baby in the mix.

    You might not be having any fun now, but you won't regret stepping in for your granddaughter when she needed you.

  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do. Even if you know it's probably not helping difficult child. But I'd not have closed the door on that baby either.

    I wonder if perhaps Kat would be open to you caring for the baby while "she gets back on her feet", as in while she trying to work and find a place to live since her staying there keeps tension so high? Odds are friends won't take her in because of the baby. (they want their freedom too) You could do a temporary custody thing. Then you don't have to worry about baby jumping from here to there to here to there under heaven above knows what conditions. And if Kat becomes neglectful.....you can keep a journal and hand it over to cps to file for permanent custody.

    Sad part is, Kat is not the only parent out there who believes that because her child is well fed and clean that she is an excellent parent.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I wondered what happened to you. When I didn't see you and the Weimeriner here? I figured it out. So now what? I'm also not judgemental either, but what happens in two weeks? Are you telling her to get out or is the letter a threat? If that's what it is you know it's a step backwards. And I really get the CA thing and the Grandchild issue, but holding a nation in emotional blackmail because of one womans lies and decisions and allowing that to be my moral compas with my daughter? I would think that NOW would be the time that YOU....AS a Grandparent would be ABLE to go to the CPS or LAW and say "I DO NOT WANT to end up like Cindy and George - She's HOLDING ME HOSTAGE with threats - HELP me .....PLEASE BEFORE my situation ends up SIMILAR." instead of a nasty, vile, mouthy, do-nothing daughter who is living in my home controlling my house, while I support her threatens me with taking away the security, food, and safety OF my Grandchild. TURN THE FLIPPIN TABLE....and if anything USE THAT situation IN your favor at this time.

    KEEP THE Grand baby and tell the kid - TWO WEEKS - Either get a job of some kind, stop being mouthy to me OR - X,Y.X WILL HAPPEN and have your ducks in a row and start proceedings to take your Granddaughter and DO IT so that she IS not harmed and continues TO grow in a healthy environment. OTHER Granparents have sued for custody - and won. Don't see why YOU CAN'T.

    If she wants a party life? I've said this before - TELL HER to leave the baby with you - and 23 skidoo--------but ski-doo it somewhere else. You don't need the stress and NEITHER does that child.

    These things you know - you are smart....I know. (again not judging) - she's just getting her cake, her cup cakes, her twinkies, her ho ho's, and the electric, the water the gas, cable, internet......and someone to scream at....Where else would you get that all for free.

    Sending hugs......