difficult child is already ramping up...

[ksm]

It is a special weekend. Their biomom's only brother flew in from the coast to meet them for the first time (he actually saw them once as toddlers but the girls don't remember him) Plus, their older brother (age 16) is here for the weekend too (who lives about 200 miles away). difficult child is getting in to one of her attitudes... first with her sister - for no real reason. difficult child thinks she should be able to give attitude to her younger sister, and younger sister should just shut up and take it. Last night their uncle, girls and I played a couple board games and difficult child got so competitve it was crazy. She gets mad in she doesn't win. She makes rude comments... and couldn't even set at the table - had to stand andmove around a lot.

With her uncle and brother here, she wants/needs to be the center of attention. I don't know if you can give her enough attention - it never seems to be enough.

Hope we make it thru today and tomorrow... KSM

 

[BusynMember]

Curious.

Why is this uncle suddenly expressing an interest in meeting his niece? Isn't it a bit late? Meeting new people can throw off a difficult child.

 

[ksm]

a little over two years ago our girls oldest brother arranged to fly here for 5 weeks to get to know his sisters. He was 23 then... and he was getting ready to go in to the army. Since then, I believe that the oldest brother and his uncle (who are 10 years apart in age) must have talked about the girls. Then we became facebook friends with the uncle and he has been keeping in touch. I think he distanced himself from his sister (major difficult child) for so long that he was never involved with her for the last 20 years. Plus, uncle and older brother lived in the north west and we live in the central part - so paths never really met.

THe uncle always hadf a close relationship with his sisters oldest son as they lived close and they both enjoyed sports... he said they were more like brothers. His sister had moved here about 16 years ago and stayed here until about 2 years ago and then she moved back north west. He seems like a nice guy and we have enjoyed having him here. For my difficult child - she loves the fact that he is "blood relative" as if that really matters... but it does to her as we don't know her bio dad, and we aren't related to bio mom... But she has to share him with little sis and middle brother... and that is hard for her. She must be the center of attention... KSM

 

[buddy]

I think that's a lovely way to have a bio connection. I hope they just understand that it's going too be affecting them to experience thus but her"blood relative"comment slows it's important to her and you are so wonderful to give them that gift.

One of my sons bio brothers contacted us when he was 14 (q was only 4 or 5) he was having a horrible time in his adoptive family with the fact that his parents had several bio kids and the other adopted kids were all adopted in pairs. So he was the only one who had no"blood relative". It was just a big deal, though he loved his family. Social services called us. Q couldn't talk then but we sent pictures etc. i guess it made him feel better. Haven't heard for years though.

 

[ksm]

Well, the weekend is coming to an end. Will be taking grandson and uncle to the larger town near us after lunch. DGS's other grandparents live there so will drop him off. His parents were celebrating their anniversary so they dropped off the two younger boys with their grandma and we got to have the girls biobrother visit. The uncle will fly home (about 1500 miles away) Bit he has already told the girls that he will be back in the future. It may not be often, but I think he will keep in touch.

DGS (who will be 17) talked to us with out difficult child around last night, and he told us he would see us more, but his sister (difficult child one) is so annoying. She will start fights with little sis, or her over the top actions and attitudes irritate him. He said he and his guy friends at his school avoid girls like her as they are too much drama and are high maitenance ... He even told us she called her BFF down the street when husband and I went to the store for food. Then BFF came to our house and was actually trying to hide when husband came in. He said he tried to tell her that she shouldn't have a friend over if we aren't home.

DGS has really matured and I give the credit to his "mom" who married his biodad. He was being tardy to his first class his first year in high school, and his mom told him that if he was late again, she wouldn't drop him off at school any more. She would park the car, take the youngest brother, put him in a stroller, hold the hand of the next older little brother, and then walk him thru the school to his first class to make sure he got there. He said she knew he would do it... so he straightened up. He also has to keep a 3.0 grade average to get to ride to school with his friend... so he brought and kept his grades up. I wish that type of motivation worked with difficult child - as it only sends her in to a tail spin. more lies. and more tantrums.

We feel blessed, that ever though we "lost" DGS to bio dad, we have been able to be a part of his life and have gained his parents as friends, and their parents too. And now. we have got to know our girls oldest brother, and now his uncle, and even fb friends with stepmom. We keep in touch with maternal grandparents, but they live halfway across the USA from us and aren't really computer savy...

I guess I feel it is important - as we are "older" parents who won't probably be able to be around by the time are kids are 30 to 40 years old. We want them to have other connections... KSM

 

[Liahona]

It sounds like a very nice visit, minus the difficult child drama of course.