Difficult Child is at Juvenile shelter

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Feb 11, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I have been posting on a different thread of all we have gone thru this week.

    But I have a concern...and I guess there is nothing I can do.

    daughter was gone from Monday evening to Friday morning. A couple hours later I took her medications, retainer, and a small stack of clothes and even a pair of shoes. She came in to intake bare footed. She thought her shoes were in someone's car...

    I think she was pretty strung out on meth during that time. I asked the director of the shelter if I could buy one of the morning after pills and bring it to the facility for the nurse to give her. Nope... I am not allowed to do that! I took all her prescribed medications there...even the new BC patches we had just gotten prescribed.

    This stinks. I would have liked to lower the chance of a pregnancy.

    It's bad enough that your child is out of control, taking drugs, sneaking out, and now, I have to worry about unwanted pregnancy.

    This sucks. Ksm
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I agree. I am surprised that she is allowed to wear street clothes. Our system requires that they wear scrubs with BCJJS stamped on the back and orange rubber shower shoes. They are also brought out in cuffs. A bit of harsh reality that sometimes gets their attention.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Our shelter has two sides. The delinquency side...and the child in need of care side. She is a CINC case. Even though she tested positive for meth twice... They didn't find any on her. Just in her. So since they didn't find any...not a crime. SMH...

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thats ridiculous. If its in her its on her.
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi ksm.

    That is stupid of the facility to deny her access to the pill. I do not really understand their ability to do so, unless while she is there she becomes their dependent, and not yours, which must of course be the case. They will not have the responsibility for the possible consequences of her condition, you will. Or more accurately, SHE WILL.

    In your signature you describe dgd as having "found the wrong group of friends." Did she? Or did she seek out these new friends, consciously and with intent. At least the consciousness and intent of which she is capable.

    You run behind her trying to pull her out of messes, and failing this, trying to prevent devastating consequences. And her? After a short period of rest, she begins again to catapult into more and bigger messes.

    Of course you have a legal and moral obligation to try to parent her until she is of legal age.

    It is laudable and heroic to do your best that the worst of her mistakes do not destroy her life. But do any of us have the capacity to protect our children from the consequences of their acts or even the events of their lives? Is this possible?

    My central issue with my own son (and his own with his life) was the discovery when he was 19 that he had suffered from Hep B since birth which had never been detected. And then when he was 20 his condition worsened. He was enraged at his birth parents that their lifestyle had so greatly damaged him. And he began to identify with them as damaged and destroyed, to the extent of seeking out their lifestyle in some of its aspects.

    I tried to micromanage his health care over which I had no control. He was already an adult. I felt that my own life hung in the balance, as long as this great threat of his deteriorating health, and eventual death haunted me. Him? He thought he could control the virus with otc supplements. His sense of dread about the illness was suppressed and became a sense of self-hatred and hatred of his (very handsome) appearance.

    I struggled to get him to go to the doctor; to accept treatment; to get bloodwork, to realize he had a mortal illness that could not be treated with vitamins. Every single thing he undermined. It served to re-intensify his self-determination to obstruct and to act in the way he chose. Just as with your daughter their were issues of competency that affected his judgment. I thought about this and that possibility to try to seize greater control and I realized the only real option I had was to let go of the illusion that I could control him...and pray that he matured and grew in capacity.

    He has. More than baby steps.

    Now your child is still a minor and you are legally and ethically responsible. Any control or responsibility, however, for consequences of her acts, which you have valiantly tried to limit and contain....cannot be yours.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Until court happens...and a legal decision Is made by the judge to give the state temporary custody, I assume I still have some rights. But two or three staff members told me I could not bring the morning after pill and have any one give it to her.

    I know that no matter what I try to do to help her I can't control a 16.5 year old. But I am held legally responsible for her actions. It's a hard position to be in.

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  7. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    how awful. I'm assuming they are in control of her health issues for now, and will give her a pregnancy test...and I suppose she will withdrawal with supervision...I pray she gets extensive residential treatment t..she is a flight risk for sure.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ksm I wish there was a sad face to choose. I am sorry they would not let you bring the morning after pill for her. What a worry. I had to face that issue too. And in today's climate it could be a bigger problem. I will keep fingers crossed that all is ok.
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  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  10. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    They are probably concerned with liability issues.
  11. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Ok...Difficult Child was released to us after court today. The D A said some strict words about whether she should be released to us or sent elsewhere. I imagine it was just a scare tactic.

    I am exhausted. I will update later. Ksm
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    I thought they might actually do something different this time!

    Did she go back to school this morning?
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Yes, she got to school on time, took her medications and ate cereal and toast before we left. Whew...

    After school we go to the probation office....I am hoping she gets a tough one. She is in a better mood today.

    We had a meeting at the Learning Center (alternative school option) with the teacher in charge, the family preservation worker, daughter and I. It went well. If she doesn't finish the class she is on by Wednesday next week...she will be dropped from the program. That basically just leaves the regular high school, and she can go back, but she would have to take lots more classes, a bunch of electives, which she doesn't want to do.

    I am hoping she is motivated...it will be hard to finish. She has basically lost the last two weeks...

  14. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    She prefers to go to the alternative school? I can understand not wanting to have to take more classes, but if she has goals for going to college she will have to have those classes and electives. Does she have career goals? Cosmetology school might be best if she's not interested in college. Kids that go to alternative school don't usually fare well. She needs to start making plans for a career path. She is a high risk student. I hope she starts thinking about how she wants her life to turn out, and sees that she is capable of doing better and having a successful life someday.
  15. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Gee, I hope that for ours too. But school is a taboo subject for him...stubborn!

    I just don't understand what goes through their heads
  16. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Even though it is an alternative school, she will get a diploma from the high school. It is called GED Plus. She had to take US History, Government, and two semesters of Senior English, then she will have met the requirements. Then she takes the GED tests, and when she passes, it is an actual high school diploma, not a GED certificate.

    Her math and science skills are very good. Literature is good. English is not her favorite...mostly doesn't like the grammar and punctuation. Writing for content is good. She just had a lot of social anxieties when at the local high school. 1600 kids. Alternative school... 5 to 10 attend on the average.

    Hoping for the best... Yes, she plans o attend our community college...further...I am not sure.

  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member


    What does she say about what she is doing, what is going on with her (with respect to the running, the meth?) If you ask her is she avoidant or does she talk?

    Is she able to articulate what she wants, what she is motivated to do?

    Is she making commitments to do go to school or to any other thing?

    Do you have a sense that she takes seriously the mess she is making?
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2017
  18. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She seemed upfront at the last two meeting we had; the one with family preservation, and her court services officer ;like a juvenile probation officer). She admitted using meth 10 or 12 times...over 3 months. I wonder if that was accurate... She also told the CSO that out of the 6 or so friends she hung with, all did drugs. Out of 20/25 acquaintances, only 2 or 3 did not use.

    After havckng her FB account, I only trust two guys that she has spent a little time with... She really doesn't have many female friends. Most only last a week or two.

    Tomorrow we see the drug/alcohol therapist. I am hoping that the "bad trip" she had on meth has scared her...but time will tell.

  19. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Just returned after a week of vacation.

    Glad she is back home BUT why not in rehab for her meth use?

    That seems strange to me to be honest.

    I pray you get some peace.
  20. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    ksm, I am only chiming in to say that you are an amazing mother to this girl. I hope for her sake that she learns to love herself as much as you love her.