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Substance Abuse
Difficult Child is at Juvenile shelter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707461" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi ksm.</p><p></p><p>That is stupid of the facility to deny her access to the pill. I do not really understand their ability to do so, unless while she is there she becomes their dependent, and not yours, which must of course be the case. They will not have the responsibility for the possible consequences of her condition, you will. Or more accurately, SHE WILL.</p><p></p><p>In your signature you describe dgd as having "found the wrong group of friends." Did she? Or did she seek out these new friends, consciously and with intent. At least the consciousness and intent of which she is capable.</p><p></p><p>You run behind her trying to pull her out of messes, and failing this, trying to prevent devastating consequences. And her? After a short period of rest, she begins again to catapult into more and bigger messes.</p><p></p><p>Of course you have a legal and moral obligation to try to parent her until she is of legal age.</p><p></p><p>It is laudable and heroic to do your best that the worst of her mistakes do not destroy her life. But do any of us have the capacity to protect our children from the consequences of their acts or even the events of their lives? Is this possible?</p><p></p><p>My central issue with my own son (and his own with his life) was the discovery when he was 19 that he had suffered from Hep B since birth which had never been detected. And then when he was 20 his condition worsened. He was enraged at his birth parents that their lifestyle had so greatly damaged him. And he began to identify with them as damaged and destroyed, to the extent of seeking out their lifestyle in some of its aspects.</p><p></p><p>I tried to micromanage his health care over which I had no control. He was already an adult. I felt that my own life hung in the balance, as long as this great threat of his deteriorating health, and eventual death haunted me. Him? He thought he could control the virus with otc supplements. His sense of dread about the illness was suppressed and became a sense of self-hatred and hatred of his (very handsome) appearance.</p><p></p><p>I struggled to get him to go to the doctor; to accept treatment; to get bloodwork, to realize he had a mortal illness that could not be treated with vitamins. Every single thing he undermined. It served to re-intensify his self-determination to obstruct and to act in the way he chose. Just as with your daughter their were issues of competency that affected his judgment. I thought about this and that possibility to try to seize greater control and I realized the only real option I had was to let go of the illusion that I could control him...and pray that he matured and grew in capacity.</p><p></p><p>He has. More than baby steps.</p><p></p><p>Now your child is still a minor and you are legally and ethically responsible. Any control or responsibility, however, for consequences of her acts, which you have valiantly tried to limit and contain....cannot be yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707461, member: 18958"] Hi ksm. That is stupid of the facility to deny her access to the pill. I do not really understand their ability to do so, unless while she is there she becomes their dependent, and not yours, which must of course be the case. They will not have the responsibility for the possible consequences of her condition, you will. Or more accurately, SHE WILL. In your signature you describe dgd as having "found the wrong group of friends." Did she? Or did she seek out these new friends, consciously and with intent. At least the consciousness and intent of which she is capable. You run behind her trying to pull her out of messes, and failing this, trying to prevent devastating consequences. And her? After a short period of rest, she begins again to catapult into more and bigger messes. Of course you have a legal and moral obligation to try to parent her until she is of legal age. It is laudable and heroic to do your best that the worst of her mistakes do not destroy her life. But do any of us have the capacity to protect our children from the consequences of their acts or even the events of their lives? Is this possible? My central issue with my own son (and his own with his life) was the discovery when he was 19 that he had suffered from Hep B since birth which had never been detected. And then when he was 20 his condition worsened. He was enraged at his birth parents that their lifestyle had so greatly damaged him. And he began to identify with them as damaged and destroyed, to the extent of seeking out their lifestyle in some of its aspects. I tried to micromanage his health care over which I had no control. He was already an adult. I felt that my own life hung in the balance, as long as this great threat of his deteriorating health, and eventual death haunted me. Him? He thought he could control the virus with otc supplements. His sense of dread about the illness was suppressed and became a sense of self-hatred and hatred of his (very handsome) appearance. I struggled to get him to go to the doctor; to accept treatment; to get bloodwork, to realize he had a mortal illness that could not be treated with vitamins. Every single thing he undermined. It served to re-intensify his self-determination to obstruct and to act in the way he chose. Just as with your daughter their were issues of competency that affected his judgment. I thought about this and that possibility to try to seize greater control and I realized the only real option I had was to let go of the illusion that I could control him...and pray that he matured and grew in capacity. He has. More than baby steps. Now your child is still a minor and you are legally and ethically responsible. Any control or responsibility, however, for consequences of her acts, which you have valiantly tried to limit and contain....cannot be yours. [/QUOTE]
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