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difficult child is back
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 676521" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>please do not be so hard on yourself. Of course we want to be there for our adult children, it is our nature, to want to nurture. The trick of all of this, I think is that there is that imbalance, and <em>our d cs, do not think of us, the same way we think of them.</em> It is not loving , or kind to blame ones consequences of choice on their parents. To manipulate and target their parent, to make threats, or say we do not care. We do care, <em>but we have done our job as parents</em>. For whatever reason, our d cs have failed to launch from under our roofs, and will go to great extremes, to get back in, and to guilt us into thinking it is our fault, that they make the choices they do.</p><p> It is a threat, and unfair to you. He needs his medications, and needs to take responsibility for himself. I agree that you may need to stop viewing his texts for awhile and to distance yourself. For your own health and well being. It is good you will go to the NAMI meeting. I think it will be good for you to be amongst folks who are going, or have gone through this.</p><p> Did you mean <em>concerning</em>, or discerning? I think folks are still here posting, for many reasons. Some have ongoing issues with their d cs, others have received great comfort, have developed camaraderie with fellow posters, and also find solace in trying to help others, the way CD helped them. I think for me, being here this short while, it has been a help to post and share, it is a way, too of reaffirming decisions made to stop enabling. I also feel a closeness, to those who have helped me along the way. Whatever the case may be, I think this is possibly one of the hardest trials to go through as a human being, to have children grow up, become adults, and choose this path. I am feeling a bit better, but I won't sugar coat it, it has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am thankful for everyone that is here, both long time warriors, and new members. It is a way for me to process everything I have gone through with my two. Also, it is good to know that I am not alone. I would not wish this on anyone, but am grateful for the honesty and stories presented here. I certainly do not hear similar stories from my workmates, and feel sometimes, like a lone ranger, when they are talking about their "well" children, and how wonderful their lives are. I do not resent their happiness, just can't share about my two, with them, like I can here. I hope you continue to post, and share your story, because as you say, it does help you, and it also helps others. I am glad you have been strong in your stance of no money, not coming home. It must be very difficult to have your heartstrings tugged at, constantly. I would have a hard time with that, myself. I am sorry for the pain you have endured, and are feeling right now. I hope you are able to attend the meeting tomorrow night, and find comfort there. I think you are way stronger than you have written here, you must be exhausted caring for your ill baby, and dealing with all of this to boot. Hang in there warrior mom, you are not alone, and we are all pulling for you. May you find peace of heart and mind. {{{HUGS}}} leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 676521, member: 19522"] please do not be so hard on yourself. Of course we want to be there for our adult children, it is our nature, to want to nurture. The trick of all of this, I think is that there is that imbalance, and [I]our d cs, do not think of us, the same way we think of them.[/I] It is not loving , or kind to blame ones consequences of choice on their parents. To manipulate and target their parent, to make threats, or say we do not care. We do care, [I]but we have done our job as parents[/I]. For whatever reason, our d cs have failed to launch from under our roofs, and will go to great extremes, to get back in, and to guilt us into thinking it is our fault, that they make the choices they do. It is a threat, and unfair to you. He needs his medications, and needs to take responsibility for himself. I agree that you may need to stop viewing his texts for awhile and to distance yourself. For your own health and well being. It is good you will go to the NAMI meeting. I think it will be good for you to be amongst folks who are going, or have gone through this. Did you mean [I]concerning[/I], or discerning? I think folks are still here posting, for many reasons. Some have ongoing issues with their d cs, others have received great comfort, have developed camaraderie with fellow posters, and also find solace in trying to help others, the way CD helped them. I think for me, being here this short while, it has been a help to post and share, it is a way, too of reaffirming decisions made to stop enabling. I also feel a closeness, to those who have helped me along the way. Whatever the case may be, I think this is possibly one of the hardest trials to go through as a human being, to have children grow up, become adults, and choose this path. I am feeling a bit better, but I won't sugar coat it, it has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am thankful for everyone that is here, both long time warriors, and new members. It is a way for me to process everything I have gone through with my two. Also, it is good to know that I am not alone. I would not wish this on anyone, but am grateful for the honesty and stories presented here. I certainly do not hear similar stories from my workmates, and feel sometimes, like a lone ranger, when they are talking about their "well" children, and how wonderful their lives are. I do not resent their happiness, just can't share about my two, with them, like I can here. I hope you continue to post, and share your story, because as you say, it does help you, and it also helps others. I am glad you have been strong in your stance of no money, not coming home. It must be very difficult to have your heartstrings tugged at, constantly. I would have a hard time with that, myself. I am sorry for the pain you have endured, and are feeling right now. I hope you are able to attend the meeting tomorrow night, and find comfort there. I think you are way stronger than you have written here, you must be exhausted caring for your ill baby, and dealing with all of this to boot. Hang in there warrior mom, you are not alone, and we are all pulling for you. May you find peace of heart and mind. {{{HUGS}}} leafy [/QUOTE]
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