Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child is coming home - apparently....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630981" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, hon. I'm sorry you are isolated and hope maybe you can join a support group, if you can get around, so that you can make connections with others who are disabled and alone and bring all of you together. I've no family so to speak of (not family of origin) so I had to make my own support group. I am also disabled, although I can get around...it is more for some neurological disorders that are hard to pin down but make it hard for me to work...and I'm shy to tears around people, which makes a support group a safe way to kind of get to know people before I say anything and share. You could go to Al-Anon, for example, get lots of good support and make wonderful friendships. I do understand being isolated...you did say you were married? Or had a SO? If so, I would take advantage of his love and get closer to him. You have other adult kids too. Focus on those who CAN love you. Sounds like this particular daughter can not love anyone right now.</p><p></p><p>My guess is that if sh e has any money she gets it from selling drugs (if you use you sell, or so my ex-drug using daughter tells me). Also, they tend to steal hot items and sell them. Maybe they panhandle. Let's face it. The money isn't just given to them and it doesn't drop from the sky. You do not have to cut her out of your life, but you can be cautious about how you interact with her and refuse to interact with her unless she is pleasant and NOT ASKING FOR MONEY. If she only comes home to use your comforts and ask for money, you have no real relationship anyway. Her body is there, but she is only using you. Yeah, it hurts. Many of our adult children only want us for what we can give them. How do your other adult children and your husband feel about her coming home? In my opinion, our adult problem children cause so much drama that they suck all the air out of our lives and there is little time to enjoy our other loved ones, friends, hobbies and activities. Don't let her do that to you. It isn't fair to yourself or your loved ones. She is NOT your life. Your life is what YOU make it and she is not even your only family member. Abuse from anyone is not acceptable, even if it is your adult child.</p><p></p><p>If this were me, since she doesn't work and has not demonstrated any real intent of changing, she wouldn't be coming home. Not to mention she is way too old to be living at home. But if you want to try it, I would put down these boundaries if it were me:</p><p></p><p>1/ Any disrespect and your bags are packed. No swearing at you, blaming you, causing dissension, etc.</p><p></p><p>2/ She gets a job. It is non-negotiable. Then she pays you rent. That is non-negotiable. She is nearing thirty years old. It's about time to learn to be responsible. I'd give her two weeks to get something. Certainly she can work at a gas station or McDonalds or a janitor in a church or housecleaning.</p><p></p><p>3/She has to be working toward leaving the nest. She has six months.</p><p></p><p>I would not allow her get comfortable living in your home indefinitely. It does not seem like she is healthy for you or the rest of your family.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, this is what I'd do. Take what you like and leave the rest. Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630981, member: 1550"] Hi, hon. I'm sorry you are isolated and hope maybe you can join a support group, if you can get around, so that you can make connections with others who are disabled and alone and bring all of you together. I've no family so to speak of (not family of origin) so I had to make my own support group. I am also disabled, although I can get around...it is more for some neurological disorders that are hard to pin down but make it hard for me to work...and I'm shy to tears around people, which makes a support group a safe way to kind of get to know people before I say anything and share. You could go to Al-Anon, for example, get lots of good support and make wonderful friendships. I do understand being isolated...you did say you were married? Or had a SO? If so, I would take advantage of his love and get closer to him. You have other adult kids too. Focus on those who CAN love you. Sounds like this particular daughter can not love anyone right now. My guess is that if sh e has any money she gets it from selling drugs (if you use you sell, or so my ex-drug using daughter tells me). Also, they tend to steal hot items and sell them. Maybe they panhandle. Let's face it. The money isn't just given to them and it doesn't drop from the sky. You do not have to cut her out of your life, but you can be cautious about how you interact with her and refuse to interact with her unless she is pleasant and NOT ASKING FOR MONEY. If she only comes home to use your comforts and ask for money, you have no real relationship anyway. Her body is there, but she is only using you. Yeah, it hurts. Many of our adult children only want us for what we can give them. How do your other adult children and your husband feel about her coming home? In my opinion, our adult problem children cause so much drama that they suck all the air out of our lives and there is little time to enjoy our other loved ones, friends, hobbies and activities. Don't let her do that to you. It isn't fair to yourself or your loved ones. She is NOT your life. Your life is what YOU make it and she is not even your only family member. Abuse from anyone is not acceptable, even if it is your adult child. If this were me, since she doesn't work and has not demonstrated any real intent of changing, she wouldn't be coming home. Not to mention she is way too old to be living at home. But if you want to try it, I would put down these boundaries if it were me: 1/ Any disrespect and your bags are packed. No swearing at you, blaming you, causing dissension, etc. 2/ She gets a job. It is non-negotiable. Then she pays you rent. That is non-negotiable. She is nearing thirty years old. It's about time to learn to be responsible. I'd give her two weeks to get something. Certainly she can work at a gas station or McDonalds or a janitor in a church or housecleaning. 3/She has to be working toward leaving the nest. She has six months. I would not allow her get comfortable living in your home indefinitely. It does not seem like she is healthy for you or the rest of your family. Anyway, this is what I'd do. Take what you like and leave the rest. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child is coming home - apparently....
Top