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difficult child is coming home - apparently....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631176" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>It sounds like she has the ability and strength to overcome significant obstacles. She did it once, she can do it again. Challenges like this build character. She can access the character she has---it's still there, but buried under the addiction---at any time. </p><p></p><p>I can imagine that your mommy heart factors all of her "issues" into every decision, even subconsciously. My sister's son has a mild form of CP, and they have overaccommodated that to the point that he is 28 and still living at home. Very bad for all. If we don't treat them the same, they won't act the same. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is awesome! Remember this when you start to feel weak. She did it, and she can do it again. Without you by her side every minute. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Hmmmm....we teach them this attitude by our behavior. I know, because I did it too. I kept thinking, this time, this time, after this time, but that day never came. The more I did, the more he expected, and NOTHING changed. Except I was out of my mind too. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Not sure what you mean here. She is a grown woman, and it's up to her to seek recovery and treatment for her addiction, and start to rebuild her own life. Every day is a new chance. If you mean to move back into your house, for me, the answer would be: Never. My 25 year old son isn't going to live with me again. My parenting days are over, and he is a grown man. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's great! A visit with a grown adult child can be wonderful. A visit with an active addict in your house can be awful. I enjoy easy child coming here a lot. I feel very uncomfortable when difficult child is here---I never know what is going to happen next, and I'm afraid he is stealing from me if I can't see him every minute. I will not live like that, even for one night.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You don't have to cut her out of your life. That is always an option, but can be a last option, if you choose. You can set boundaries about your relationship with her, physical and verbal boundaries of how it will be. Talk on the phone periodically (once a week), no money given, meet for dinner once every two weeks, I wish you all the best, honey, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind to, because your life is living proof of that. You can do it, because you already have done it. So good luck!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What RE said. This has nothing to do with you. This is all about her drug addiction. Read up on addiction, When the Servant Becomes the Master is a great recent book, written by a recovering MD. It will give you a lot of insight.</p><p></p><p>I know this is hard. Writing, reading, creating a support system, focusing on your own life, that's our job now---to learn how to let go and still love them. It can be done!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631176, member: 17542"] It sounds like she has the ability and strength to overcome significant obstacles. She did it once, she can do it again. Challenges like this build character. She can access the character she has---it's still there, but buried under the addiction---at any time. I can imagine that your mommy heart factors all of her "issues" into every decision, even subconsciously. My sister's son has a mild form of CP, and they have overaccommodated that to the point that he is 28 and still living at home. Very bad for all. If we don't treat them the same, they won't act the same. That is awesome! Remember this when you start to feel weak. She did it, and she can do it again. Without you by her side every minute. Hmmmm....we teach them this attitude by our behavior. I know, because I did it too. I kept thinking, this time, this time, after this time, but that day never came. The more I did, the more he expected, and NOTHING changed. Except I was out of my mind too. Not sure what you mean here. She is a grown woman, and it's up to her to seek recovery and treatment for her addiction, and start to rebuild her own life. Every day is a new chance. If you mean to move back into your house, for me, the answer would be: Never. My 25 year old son isn't going to live with me again. My parenting days are over, and he is a grown man. That's great! A visit with a grown adult child can be wonderful. A visit with an active addict in your house can be awful. I enjoy easy child coming here a lot. I feel very uncomfortable when difficult child is here---I never know what is going to happen next, and I'm afraid he is stealing from me if I can't see him every minute. I will not live like that, even for one night. You don't have to cut her out of your life. That is always an option, but can be a last option, if you choose. You can set boundaries about your relationship with her, physical and verbal boundaries of how it will be. Talk on the phone periodically (once a week), no money given, meet for dinner once every two weeks, I wish you all the best, honey, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind to, because your life is living proof of that. You can do it, because you already have done it. So good luck! What RE said. This has nothing to do with you. This is all about her drug addiction. Read up on addiction, When the Servant Becomes the Master is a great recent book, written by a recovering MD. It will give you a lot of insight. I know this is hard. Writing, reading, creating a support system, focusing on your own life, that's our job now---to learn how to let go and still love them. It can be done! [/QUOTE]
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