difficult child is depressed

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by saving grace, Oct 1, 2007.

  1. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I am worried. He hasnt been himself lately, very down on himself and talking about how he always feels sick and life :censored2: for him and he is only 21 and shouldnt feel this way, I try to talk to him and tell him that he beat on his body for years and that he has very bad habits. He sleeps whenever he is not working and eats fast food and smokes cigarettes. He takes Depakote, Effexor, Buspar and Suboxone, he doesnt take the Seroquel anymore because he said it makes him feel sick in them morning and he doesnt need to feel any sicker. I suggested he talk to his doctor and he said "No" that he is sick of talking about it he is sick of adjusting his medications it doesnt help. He just keeps saying "you dont understand"
    I am really worried, he has that I am giving up tone, If all these medications he is taking cant help him feel normal what will? Why is he so depressed all the time, he takes medications and is still depressed. He has a girlfriend, a job, lives at home now, no trouble with the law anymore, he drives my car whenever he wants his life is pretty darn good right now if you ask me.

    I dont know... I am just worried, I can feel a relapse coming

    Please God watch over him and bring him through this darkness he feels.

  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I worry about the same thing. Mine seems to go along pretty good for awhile and then bam! He relaspses and all goes to heck in a handbasket. Would he talk to someone? Is he attending meetings? All you can do as a parent is be there when he wants to talk and try to get him to see things in a positive light.
  3. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    No advice, just want to send you a (((hug))))

  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Hi Grace~

    Unfortunately I have LOTS of experience living with depression. My husband was diagnosed over a decade ago. It's an emotional roller coaster existence.

    A couple of thoughts:

    If he is still doing drugs that may be compounding the problem. I hope he is honest with his psychiatrist if he's doing illegal drugs ... they may not mix too well with his rx drugs. You may want to raise that issue.

    Sleeping, 'feeling sick', 'giving up tone' all are symptomatic of a clinical depression.

    People with bipolar (as I'm sure you are aware) go thru cycles. Up and down. Up and down. He is quite obviously in a down place currently.

    medications? Such a frustrating thing. Seems like once ya hit on the right combination and level they are good for a while and then the bottom falls out.

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> He has a girlfriend, a job, lives at home now, no trouble with the law anymore, he drives my car whenever he wants his life is pretty darn good right now if you ask me.</div></div>

    Clinical depression (as opposed to situational depression) does not depend on externals. It does not depend on life being good. It is biochemical. It is internal ... it occurs inside of his brain. Your son (if he is truly clinically depressed) can not help his emotions. He is sick.

    I'm sorry you're worried. I understand. I really do.

    Love him. Support him. Listen to him. Suggest a visit to his psychiatrist or therapist ASAP. Watch for suicidal ideation ... and don't hesitate to call an ambulance if he gets to that point.

  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I hope he doesn't feel the need to start self medicating again if he's depressed. He's still on the suboxone? That is a good thing. It seems like maybe he needs more purpose in life to give him some insentive. I never really dealt with depression, so there isn't much I can say. I just hope he finds a constructive way to get a handle on this and doesn't relapse. How long has he been clean and on the suboxone now?? He must be seeing someone who prescribes it.
  6. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I dont know how long your so has been on his medications, but when my difficult child took the depokote he was lethargic all the time. I have been placed on buspar for my depression, adn stopped because it made me feel extra tired, weirded out, and pple could even tell a difference in me.
    I jsut take it normal as kids on cigs and fast food.
    I beleive though his ill feelings could just be a somatic feeling for his depression that is occurring. Sometimes medication changes have to occur to fit the person. Tell him, 1 medication doesnt fit all.

  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am so sorry, Grace, I know you love him. it would seem he has all he needs to be successful. depression digs deep. if he wont go for counseling, do go yourself to help get hints on how to respond to him.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Extra prayers for your son.

    They say that when an addict is feeling either Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, they need to HALT (see the acronym) and take a look at their program and check with their sponsor. I am praying that he can do that before he picks up.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I hope this is just a bad patch and that he wil feel better soon. Sending cyber support. it is very difficult living with a depressed indivitual especially when you cannot see any obvious reason for the depression. -RM
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Grace, clinical depression has no "why", it just is.

    In addition to what has already been suggested, I'd ask your pharmacist if perhaps the combination of medications he is taking could be contributing to his feeling depressed. That's not at all uncommon and it's sure worth a phone call.

  11. branbran

    branbran New Member

    I went through a few bouts of major depression a few years back and what goldenguru said is exactly right. It doesn't matter how great things seem on the outside. When you are feeling so low and living in total darkness nothing external matters. It is very hard to find any pleasure in life while depressed. When I was depressed nothing tasted good, felt good or even looked good. Sleep was my best friend. My sister used to tell me to just be in a good mood!!! It was very frustrating for my loved ones as they just couldn't understand it. Unless you have lived in depression you can't ever know how sad of an existense it truly is. I was very lucky, I put myself in the hospital and went into therapy, took anti-deppressants and got better. It's not that easy for some though, I am not mentally ill, I have never been diagnosed with an illness. My depression came from life circumstances, I had a horrible childhood with my stepfather and my mother chose him over me. So in therapy I dealt with it and learned how to leave the past in the past. I do still harbor some resentment. For someone with Bi-polar there is no quick fix. I know because my difficult child is Bi-polar, amoung other things, and it is an ongoing struggle for her. I know how scary it is to watch your child suffer so, my heart goes out to you and your family. I wish I had some magic advise for you, all I can say is, be there for him and never give up the fight. You came to the right place for support, everyone here is so wonderful and kind.

    Hang in there. I hope your son can soon find the sun again. :smile:
  12. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I understand that external things do not influence clinical depression, what I meant was that he refers to his life has having nothing, that his life is so bad. Compared to where he was a year ago he is on top of the world. this is the hard part, to see him struggle with the every day things, the things we take for granted. He finds no joy in them.
    He was better today, not great but better, he wasnt complaining of feeling sick but he made an excuse again when I asked him to go for a walk with me. I will keep asking.

    I have been wondering if the recent events with his girlfriend could have made his depression worse? It seems to have gotten more noticeable at the same time.

  13. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> he refers to his life has having nothing, that his life is so bad. </div></div> Again if he's truly depressed ... that is his view of the world. Depressed people (unwillingly) come to view the world in a very negative manner. It takes month/years of therapy to change the thinking pattern.

    I'm sorry. It's hard to coexist with people who are so unhappy.
  14. Sondar

    Sondar New Member

    I've come to understand that no mix of medications is perfect forever. Calling the pharamacist is a great idea, do your own research and then go back to your son with what you learn.

    Nothing will change about the way he feels until he -- again -- makes changes. He is young and it makes us sad when our difficult children are overwhelmed.

    Keep up your walks and giving him a good example. &lt;hugs&gt;