difficult child is having a meltdown tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    We haven't had one of these for a while. Not like this.

    Tomorrow is the first day they have to dress for PE. She is totally freaking out. She's more worked up about this than she was about the first day of school. And now, of course, she's going to hate school and she was liking it.

    When we did her schedule, I was surprised that she wanted to go ahead and take PE this year (they have to have 2 semesters of PE to graduate). I figured she would either wait or even do it during summer school. I suggested both of those things at that time, but she was adamant.

    And now, the school is just out to torture kids. Sigh.

    I feel really bad for her. She's always been uber-modest. They do have a part of the locker room that is never lit, but she's afraid of the dark, so then she'll "just have a panic attack over that, too". I do feel bad. I know it's going to be hard for her - induce a lot of anxiety. But, she can't avoid it. Technically, she could. She could not dress nor participate in gym and fail it, but I didn't mention that. She needs to work through this. She's made a lot of progress lately and I think it can continue. I think she's in a better place now to handle this than she would have been a year ago.

    I just wish life wasn't so hard for her, you know?
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I do know. Things that other kids just seem to take in stride are major life and death for our kids. It's painful for us to watch, isn't it? Thinking of difficult child and you and hoping that she makes her way through this to discover she actually enjoys it.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    difficult child can get thru this - she can decide to dress in the locker rooms bathroom stalls or wear her gym clothes under a loose dress, etc.

    She's creating drama where none exists except in her mind. You don't have to feed into it. I think (don't take this wrong) the more you engage the more anxious & agitated difficult child will become. Let her know that if she chooses not to do this she fails gym. If she can she passes. Plain & simple.

    In the meantime, pull back & do something you enjoy rather than sitting back & engaging in all the meltdowns. I'm so glad to hear that difficult child is making positive steps.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    The big thing is she's not avoiding school - or refusing to go. She even managed to sleep last night.

    I helped her pack her gym bag this morning - it got to be too late last night. One of the things that is also bothering her is that she doesn't have time to go to her locker until 2 classes after gym so she's carrying her school bag, which is heavy enough, plus her gym bag. I helped her pick a bag that was just big enough for her clothes and gym shoes and could be carried in her hand. Fortunately, she has lots of bags to choose from. :)

    She was feeling sick from anxiety this morning. I told her that it's just a few minutes out of the day. She replied that it would be tomorrow and the next day and so on, too. And I told her that it was just a few minutes out of the whole day and that it would get easier and that I knew she could do it.

    She's making a lot of progress. It wasn't that long ago that this situation would have created a meltdown of epic proportions and flat out school refusal. I am proud of her maturity and her strength to overcome.
  5. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Maybe wearing the gym clothes under her main uniform is an option to begin with.... at least she doesn't have to completely undress? If that's the problem?
    Maybe you can sit down and work out a step by step 'program' for her to work towards, to ease the whole anxiety thing? Like clothes under the uniform for a few times, then undressing in the toilet, then the locker room, something like that?
    Good luck, I'm sure she'll conquer this as she has many other major hurdles.
  6. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    I am thinking of you and your difficult child today. That was a big stumbling block for me as a student. And I played sports so had to change several times a day!

    I am sure you are being support yet not engaging. You have provided her with options and support. I am proud (for you) of her willingness to do better and try new things.

    Let us know how it goes!
  7. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I can relate to her anxiety. I was feeling sorry for difficult child 1 who has to dress for PE for the first time this year. Apparently, she isn't bothered by it, though.

    I am happy for your difficult child that she has been able to cope with school so far. I hope she will make it through her anxiety over the changing and continue to like school. Good for her for going to school anyway, knowing this is coming! That by itself is wonderful.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm sorry. I know what you mean, that she's maing it worse for herself. But it sounds like she's done very well in the past 12 hours!
    I used to dress in the stalls, too.
    Some girls walked around naked.
    One got caught in the shower and had to do a firedrill in her tiny towel.
    (Don't tell your daughter that!)
    She will learn to work around it.
    Best of luck.
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2009