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difficult child is homeless- what do I say to her
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 664943" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi DNB,</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you found this site. It is a true lifeline. You sound like you have a good grasp on this in that you have told her you are cutting her off from your financial support. That is not an easy thing to do but is necessary in order to regain control over your own life.</p><p></p><p>My son is 33 and is homeless drifter so I understand the emotions you are feeling.</p><p></p><p>The others have given you some excellent advice.</p><p></p><p>Being prepared is your best defense in dealing with your daughter when she calls. One thing I have learned is not to believe everything my son tells me when he contacts me. Understand that our Difficult Child want it both ways; they want to live their lives without adhering to any rules, no job, no worries, just party and yet when they run out of money or don't want to sleep on the streets they contact us and expect us to "rescue" them. For whatever reason they are not making the connection to the consequences of their actions.</p><p></p><p>The less you say to your daughter the better. I have found that not asking any questions is best. I never ask how my son how he's doing, I already know the answer. My son now understands that asking me for money is pointless, he knows I will always say no but that hasn't stopped him from being creative. Be prepared that your daughter will do the same.</p><p></p><p>Son: Hey Mom (in a very depressed tone)</p><p>Me: Hi</p><p>Son: Live sucks, I have no money, someone stole all my stuff, I don't know what I'm going to do.</p><p>Me: I'm so sorry to hear that</p><p>Son: It's freezing outside</p><p>Me: Yes it is.</p><p>Son: I'm also starving to death</p><p>Me: Hmmm</p><p>Son: What am I going to do, I have nothing.</p><p>Me: You're smart, you'll figure it out.</p><p>Son: I just need someone to help me.</p><p>Me: Someone's at the door, gotta go, I love you, bye.</p><p></p><p>I find it best not to engage into conversation, if I do it always ends in an argument. I have learned to not offer any advice as it's always met with defiance.</p><p></p><p>Keep it simple and you'll do fine.</p><p></p><p>There is a good article at the top of the Parent Emeritus forum on detaching, take some time to read it. It's very helpful.</p><p></p><p>Also, you need to do something good for yourself. We have taken care of our Difficult Child for so long we forget to take care of ourselves. Find something you enjoy and immerse yourself in it. It's time to take your life back and make it something wonderful.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for reaching out to us. We're glad you're here.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you................................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 664943, member: 18516"] Hi DNB, I am so glad you found this site. It is a true lifeline. You sound like you have a good grasp on this in that you have told her you are cutting her off from your financial support. That is not an easy thing to do but is necessary in order to regain control over your own life. My son is 33 and is homeless drifter so I understand the emotions you are feeling. The others have given you some excellent advice. Being prepared is your best defense in dealing with your daughter when she calls. One thing I have learned is not to believe everything my son tells me when he contacts me. Understand that our Difficult Child want it both ways; they want to live their lives without adhering to any rules, no job, no worries, just party and yet when they run out of money or don't want to sleep on the streets they contact us and expect us to "rescue" them. For whatever reason they are not making the connection to the consequences of their actions. The less you say to your daughter the better. I have found that not asking any questions is best. I never ask how my son how he's doing, I already know the answer. My son now understands that asking me for money is pointless, he knows I will always say no but that hasn't stopped him from being creative. Be prepared that your daughter will do the same. Son: Hey Mom (in a very depressed tone) Me: Hi Son: Live sucks, I have no money, someone stole all my stuff, I don't know what I'm going to do. Me: I'm so sorry to hear that Son: It's freezing outside Me: Yes it is. Son: I'm also starving to death Me: Hmmm Son: What am I going to do, I have nothing. Me: You're smart, you'll figure it out. Son: I just need someone to help me. Me: Someone's at the door, gotta go, I love you, bye. I find it best not to engage into conversation, if I do it always ends in an argument. I have learned to not offer any advice as it's always met with defiance. Keep it simple and you'll do fine. There is a good article at the top of the Parent Emeritus forum on detaching, take some time to read it. It's very helpful. Also, you need to do something good for yourself. We have taken care of our Difficult Child for so long we forget to take care of ourselves. Find something you enjoy and immerse yourself in it. It's time to take your life back and make it something wonderful. Thanks for reaching out to us. We're glad you're here. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you................................ [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is homeless- what do I say to her
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