difficult child is jail now, felony charge, please pray for him

[pinevalley]

My difficult child was arrested yesterday and he is now in the Cook County jail in Chicago. He has three charges: 2 counts of theft (misdemeanors) and I count of residential burglary (a felony). My h and received a call yesterday that difficult child was arrested and we decided that we could not post his bail yet. We did not go to his bond hearing today, but we have an attorney who was there with difficult child. Our son was shocked that we were not in the courtroom, and he never really thought that he would go to jail. The judge agreed to send difficult child to the hospital section of the jail because he is addicted, and he is court ordered to go to residential rehab.

difficult child has been desperate for money, so he went to two friend's houses and he stole jewelry from their mother's rooms (to sell for cash). He also broke into our home on Thursday and stole some of my jewelry, not any valuable items. He was charged with burglary because he got into a friend's home by using the code to their garage. They have a son who uses weed all the time with difficult child and he gave difficult child the garage code a long time ago. H and I told difficult child that he could not live at our house on Monday, because he refused to go to school and he was getting high all the time. He was staying with a friend whose mom was out of town, and he also stole jewelry from this house. He was arrested because difficult child was staying in a motel, he had taken a cab and he did not have enough money to pay the cab and the driver called the cops. When cops entered the motel room they found difficult child with lots of jewelry on the bed.

When difficult child called h and I from the police station he expected that we would post his bond. This is the hardest thing that I have ever done, to let difficult child go to such a horrible place. This is one of the worst jails in the country, and he is not prepared for this. I am really hoping that this will be a wake up call for him to get better. But he is a white kid from the suburbs, and I am so scared for him now. We will post his bail in a few days and then take him immediately to rehab. I just hope that he will survive in jail until we bail him out. Please say a prayer for difficult child's safety this week-end. He will need it. Thanks so much!

 

[buddy]

Prayers being said here. I am so sorry he is following this path and your hearts are hurting. Thinking of you.............

 

[Signorina]

{{{{hugs}}}}

I hate to say it but it sounds almost as though he was desperate to get caught. Let's hope this was a cry for help and that he is receptive to it. Hold on tightly to our hands and lean on us -we are here for you. You did the right thing by not fishing to his rescue.

 

[Nancy]

Oh PV I am so sorry (((((HUGS))))). You are living the ultimate tough love senario. The best part of this whole thing is that he is court ordered into residential treatment. He wasn't going to stop on his own so this was inevitable. My guess is that the felony will be reduced if he successfully completes treatment.

I know you are scared and worried about him and I know that is not a good place for him to be but he is in the hospital part and hopefully he will be detoxed and you can take him to rehab soon. I'm praying with you for his safety and for his journey to recovery.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

I, too, am praying for his safety and that this will be the wake up call that he needed. He obviously needs detox and residential treatment and I'm glad that the court saw that.

We got a call on Christmas night a few years ago from our difficult child when she was arrested for a DUI. husband did arrange bail and got her out. We told her that was the one and only time we will ever bail her out of jail. If there is a next time, she will stay there until the let her out.

You did the right thing. He is hitting the bottom right now.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

Sending understanding support your way. I know from experience how hard it is but truly you all are blessed that the Judge actually took steps to help him. Believe me that is not the norm in today's Court system. I will say prayers for him and for you all. Hoping this will be the wake up call that he so desperately needs. Hugs. DDD

 

[toughlovin]

Oh PV my heart goes out to and it brings back memories. I have so been there. I read your post and just thought at least none of us are alone. We have each other to help us get through these really tough times!!

I hope the court ordering rehab and a few days in jail will really wake him up as well as sober him up. He was on a very dangerous path as we all know. At least if nothing else this will get him to rehab even if he doesnt want to go.

I think his actions in stealing the jewelry show that he is really into much more than weed... he really needs help and my hope is that he will get it and make good use of it.

And the stupidity of not paying the cab and then having the police come and the jewelry is all over the bed. That is the kind of stuff my difficult child would do.... impulsive and really not thinking things through. Really they make such terrible criminals. Why on earth do they think they will get away with the stuff they do?

I hope you can take some time while he is not on the street to take care of you. I know this is hard... do you know where you are taking him for rehab or is that part of what you are doing in the next couple of days? Figuring that out.

Many hugs.

TL

 

[AmericanGirl]

PV,

I am so very sorry to hear the news. I'm praying that this will be his rick bottom and he can and will rise from this place. It does seem like he wanted to be caught.

Will be sending prayers up for him and for all of you for these next few difficult days.

 

[pinevalley]

Thank you for all your support. I feel like I should hide from my friends now, because my h and I are the parents of a criminal. But it really helps me to know that everyone here understands about difficult child's and how hard it is to parents one.

difficult child called us a little bit ago and he was begging and crying, asking us to bail him out NOW. We are not going to tell him the day that we will come to post bond, because we want him to understand what serious trouble he is in. He sounded so pitiful on the phone that it was so hard for h and I to listen to him. I have all these horrible images of him getting damaged when he is in jail, and I am glad that he is OK for now.

Our difficult child did tell our attorney this morning that he was using a drug called DMT this week. We had never heard of DMT, and we found out that it is like LSD, and produces hallucinations. Have any of you heard of this drug before?

We are going to take difficult child to the residential rehab that he was in the first time. I called the counselors that we worked with this week, and told them about difficult child's complete relapse, and they told us to bring him in as soon as we can.

And to TL: I agree that these difficult child's really make such stupid criminals. I know that he was refusing to go to rehab, but it really makes no sense for him to be staying in a motel that is 10 minutes from our house. We think that he wanted a quiet place where difficult child could take the DMT and then hallucinate in privacy. The cops found several packages of triple C pills with him when he was arrested. I think that difficult child has been using weed and triple C almost every day.

Thanks again for your support. I'm going to eat a lot of cookies and have a good cry now.

 

[toughlovin]

I had not heard of DMT before so I just looked it up on the internet. I go to a website I learned about from my son (looking at his internet history years ago) called erowid.org. It is not a website I would recommend to difficult children as it is not anti drug use at all.... but it does give a lot of information and so I have found it useful.

Anyway you are right DMT is a hallucinogenic similar to LSD and comes in a variety of plants.... but they also said it is not something you are likely to get from a dealer so I wonder where your son was getting it?

Before I looked it up I wondered if he meant DXM which is the drugs found in cough medicines such as Triple C. That also can cause hallucinations... and my son has used that a bunch via robitussin.

I think you are stronger than I was in the past... it took quite a few arrests before we stopped bailing our son out or picking him up etc. I think you are doing the right thing and I sure hope it works.

Enjoy those cookies and have one for me.

TL

 

[pinevalley]

TL:
Our difficult child has been using the triple C pills for a few months. I think that he likes to use the triple C because they are easy to buy, since he can buy the cold pills over the counter. He takes 8 pills at a time, and we have warned him that if he takes more than 14 at a time he can go into a coma.

I'm not sure if difficult child is just using triple C or if he is using the triple C and also DMT. We will find this out when we get him to rehab.

Thank you so much for your understanding. I am so glad that I found this board!

 

[AmericanGirl]

PV, you sound like you are handling this well. As for the other parents, hold your head HIGH.

Maybe our difficult children came from God because He knew we were strong enough to handle them.

Glad you heard from him and have plans. I know it is hard to think of where he is now but he is safer than in that motel.

Sending you lots of hugs...

 

[Kathy813]

PV, your son made the choice to be a criminal . . . not you. He is an adult and his choices reflect on him. You are good parents that love your son despite his bad choices.

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

Triple C's were the gateway for a bunch of young teens when difficult child discovered them. Yes they all took large numbers at a time and bragged about how many they had swallowed. The problem was so great in Florida that the government encouraged (or mandated, can't recall) that they no longer be placed on seleves in drug stores. That seemed to reduce the problem. Drug tests did not show C's so they were very popular.

I genuinely understand your discomfort facing neighbors and friends. Where we live they actually published each arrest with the booking picture...even for kids as young as twelve. From star athlete and scholar pictures in the paper we plunged to booking pictures. It was so painful that I will never forget it. on the other hand, like you and your husband, we had to "suck it up", put on a pleasant face and learn to accept that his poor choices were not a reflection of our parenting. I know it's not easy but you will make it. DDD

 

[pinevalley]

DDD: You are absolutely right that my h and I will just have to be strong and face our friends and neighbors about our son's arrest and jail time. difficult child was arrested because he entered a friend's house when they were not home and stole two guitars. Now this loser druggie friend is posting all kinds of trash about difficult child on his facebook page, and I have been getting a couple of calls from parents today. I do not know exactly what this druggie posted on fb, but I am learning quickly that I can just refuse to talk about my difficult child and the charges. My best friends know all about our troubles with difficult child, and I really don't care about all the other parents. I have to keep reminding myself that difficult child made the choice to break the law, and it has nothing to do with how he was raised by us.

Our difficult child called from jail last night, and he was crying and begging to come home. Now he called from jail this morning and he was much more composed, and he kept asking why we could not get him out of jail today. He was upset that we could not bail him out of jail today, but we are not going to do that. He is probably coming down from the drugs, and he does not feel good and is moody.

I feel much better now, because I know that difficult child is surviving in jail, even though he does not like being there. We are not telling difficult child exactly when we will post his bond and get him out of jail. I am still very angry with difficult child, and I really did not want to talk to him when he called today. I will be so glad when we finally get him in rehab, and we can let the professionals deal with difficult child and his moods.

 

[tiredmommy]

(((Pinevalley))) Sending peaceful thoughts and prayers your way and saying a prayer that difficult child has hit bottom and stays safe.

 

[AmericanGirl]

PV, Thanks for the update. Been thinking about you.

Glad difficult child is doing okay there. You are smart to not tell him when you are coming.

Hang in there. Wish I could make you some cookies.

 

[pinevalley]

AlabamaGirl: It's funny how cookies can make us feel so much better. My sister is really worried about my h and I and our difficult child, and she just mailed me a huge box of home-made cookies. That was just what I needed! I still have a constant crisis with difficult child, but now I can worry while munching on delicious homemade cookies. Take care...

 

[DammitJanet]

PV...Can I chime in here as a parent who has had a son who has been in and out of jail several times when he was a young adult? What I am going to say will probably sound mean and awful to you and you will think I am just the most horrible parent in the world but I am going to say it anyway.

Dont bail him out. If he is court ordered into a rehab then after he is sentenced they will transport him there. He isnt going to be hurt in jail. That is your imagination running wild. I have seen Cook County Jail on TV shows many, many times and it isnt that bad. Tony has built county jails and prisons. They arent what we imagine they are. I know we have these images of prisoners being gang raped and stabbed and beat to a pulp at every turn but if they act decent they will be fine. Cory has been fine. He has been in a fight or two but nothing major. If they are acting decent they are in general population and that is 2 to a cell and they are out in the dorms most of the day. He will have TV most likely.

I know he is going to call and beg you incessantly. He will tell you everything he thinks you want to hear. He has changed. He will never do drugs again. He will go back to school. He will go to mental health. He will drop his old friends. He will sign any contract you want him to. Anything you want.

Want to know how long that will last? One day. If that.

Now I dont know your kid or if he is a runner or not. If he is a runner, your bail could be in danger. Realize that. Whatever you put up for bail will be gone if he runs. Thankfully Cory wouldnt leave my side on a bet. He never missed a court date but if he ever did, they would revoke his bail in a second. And that meant we lost his bond. If I had put up my house or car, they could have taken it. If he had left the state to avoid prosecution, I wouldnt have a house today. The only time I bailed Cory out was when he had the money himself so I was using his money and I just had to be the one to sign. That still left me liable but I knew he wasnt going anywhere. He was too afraid.

I honestly wish I had left him in there the first time and not listened to his begging and lies about how he had changed. He only had a short sentence. That would have probably showed him something. There a ton of things I wish I had done differently so we didnt end up where we were when I had to finally lay down the law and charge him with three felonies at age 21. That was the hardest day of my life. Well..one of the hardest. Those days run together as hard.

 

[toughlovin]

I wanted to add that there is a real difference between jail and prison. Jail is where they hold you until trial. I don't know about where you are but when my son was in jail, the jail section was separate from the prison section. I felt (though i dont know) that those in jail are more likely to be on good behavior because they havent been convicted yet and are hopefully not going to want to do anything to make their situation worse.

When I talked to my son about his 2 weeks in jail I asked him more about it. I got the feeling that the worst part of it for him was the boredom. He was scared, nothing terrible happened to him, but man he was bored to death. My difficult child does not do well with boredom.

I also have to admit that he was in a situation where we could not bail him out. He was being held without bail (due to his total stupidity) and so we did not get the pleadings for us to bail him out. He was willing however to do whatever it took to get out and that included going to rehab... which is what he did.

TL