difficult child is still on probation for another month ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    because of the questionable urine drug test. Sigh. I have to go tell him now.

    This is a follow up to last week. difficult child does not need to report to the office on 3/27/13; however I am scheduling his next office appointment. for 4/17/13 @ 4:00 p.m. as I will be recommending that he remain on probation for an additional 90 days due to the questionable drug test. Mr. S did indicate that the test results were questionable. I would feel more comfortable recommending that difficult child remain on probation to monitor any issues that we may have with- possible illegal substance use. You may want to contact difficult child’ attorney, Mr. K and advised him of the situation as you may want to appear in court on 4/11/13 since the recommendation will not be release from probation.

  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that but it sounds like you don't have any choice in the matter.
  3. I know difficult child will not be happy about the extended probation but keeping him on probation for another 90 days will either help deter drug use or find out about it if it is happening.

    Sorry Terry - this stinks.
  4. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm sorry that this had to happen but....if the depakote is working and he is actually working on it, this should not bother him in quite the way it normally would. He will understand that they are not saying "YOU DID THIS" but we "are not sure" so we want "TO BE SURE" so let's just say another 90 days. The alternative if it Had come up hot? Maybe he might want to think about that and be very thankful?! That's what and where I'd be with him and what I'd present. Yes, I'm not there or have gone through this but it's my tactic I use on other things.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I know, it's out of my hands now.
    I showed him the email. He said it was stupid, he was tired of the whole thing, and he wanted to have a phone conference with-his PO to say that he isn't using anything and he doesn't want to go to court.
    Hey, *I* don't want to go to court, and *I* sure didn't do anything!
    I am going to let him cool off for a while and then husband and I will talk to him and tell him that he has no choice. If we go, he goes. We are not letting him off that easily, regardless whether it was a false positive.
    Meanwhile, I'm really down in the dumps.
    Every. Single. Thing. He. Does. I. Question.

    For example, for the past 3 wks, he's been coming home with-his girlfriend on the bus, like I've asked him to, iow, not going to her house. He zooms in, throws all of this clothes in the washing mashine, then takes a shower.
    I assumed it was because he has a girlfriend.
    Now I'm wondering if it's to get rid of any telltale smell.

    See what I mean?
    Guilty until proven innocent. I just hate living like this. I just wish that I could automatically know that he's innocent and telling the truth for a change.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The clothes and shower are very suspicious. I think the ninety days is a good idea.

    Bummer though.
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2013
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    difficult child 1 is guilty until proven innocent about aggression. It does stink. Its a hard way to live, but he has proven that the majority if the time my suspicion is justified. When he complains about it being unfair I give him the trust is earned talk. Good luck. It is a draining way to live.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    How often did he wash his clothes before he started coming home with girlfriend on the bus? How often did he shower right after school before he started coming home on the bus with her? Maybe the washer needs to be 'broken' for an afternoon or two and you can just take his clothes from him to the laundromat. If you don't notice a smell for a few days, plug the washer back in and say that the repair person fixed it. Cause you are the repair person and by plugging it in, you DID fix it.

    I would be super suspicious if my child started washing his clothes right after school each day, esp if he diid not do this until recently. Ditto the showers. Though thank you does now shower before going to do something after school. Wiz got on to him after their wed night D&D thingy, and so did the girls in his OM team. I love having him be in a group with 2 boys and 4 girls.. They don't spend nearly the $$ on food (so far they have had pizza at ONE meeting) because the girls don't seem to always be starving. I once sent two big bags of chips to a meeting and one wasn't opened and the other was still half full! LOL. He even asks for haircuts now because a couple of the girls on his team told him he needed one. He isn't interested in them, except as friends, but they are very interested in him, lol. He looks confused when anyone mentions it. I can handle that for a few more years as he is only 13.
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Maybe it is time to explain him some truths of life? Tell him, that he got himself onto probation and that means he will be a fair game for a long time. That the way criminals are treated often is not fair at all, but it is what it is. When you first got yourself into the trouble, you have very few rights left after that. And if you have a record or are suspected drug user, you will not be treated the same you and your husband and easy child and other middle class people are. Law enforcement will not have the same respect and protection to people with records or people they suspect to be drug users etc. that they have for your family and others in your community.

    Show him some of the harshest drug laws (I know you have a few) and tell that while people often may not be punished that harshly for smoking pot or something, but that is just luck. On the whim police and prosecutor and judge can come very hard down on them even though everyone else gets scot free from same type of things. And because you have broken the law and law gives that opportunity to them, you absolutely have no rights against it. I'm sure you can find even court cases there they have came down very hard on someone in smaller things because of this or that.

    It is not fair, but it is. And he has a choice between leaving himself prone to all kinds of arbitrariness by authority or keeping himself protected like you are.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree. We did talk to him and we told him that he was darn lucky that this is all that happened, considering what the PO could have done.
    When he said he was tired of all of this, I told him I was tired of not getting my jewelry back.
    No sympathy from this end.

    SusieStar, great idea about the washing machine!