difficult child is struggling and I'm feeling pretty hopeless

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, May 9, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    difficult child continues to have health problems and she is struggling in school. Her ulcers seems to be getting worse and she continues to miss days at school because of the pain. Due to the location of the pain the gastroenterologist is now thinking that her gallbladder is involved. So I am taking her to the children's hospital on Tuesday to run more tests. And she had a flat erect test to check her bowels at her pediatrician's office. The results came back abnormal so the doctor wants to run the test again to see if it was just a fluke or it's really something abnormal. In the meantime she continues to miss more school and I have my mom and now my boyfriend breathing down my neck asking why I am not forcing her to go. I am doing my best but it's not easy when your 200 pound kid is throwing up and insists she's in pain and won't get into the car. My boyfriend is asking me how she is ever supposed to graduate if she's not at school and I don't know what to say. I wonder about the same thing.

    When she is at school she is struggling in her elective classes. So far she's doing okay in her academics because she has an aide work with her one on one and she gets the work done. In art and ceramics they have essays to write and it's hard for her since writing is her biggest weakness. Sometimes they send an aide in to go help her but they can't do it every day so she's not getting as much help as she should. And she's failing PE, mostly due to the fact that she says she is too sick to participate so she gets marked down for it. At this rate she will have to redo PE in her junior year because she can't pass it.

    I hate watching her struggle and I feel helpless. Her dad just got through telling her about a month ago that she's a hopeless cause and it's too late for her to become a success in life. He told her that her brother still has a chance to become successful so that's why he took him in to live with him. To give him a chance. But for her it's too late and she is never going to be a success. So I try to be as positive as I can to combat all the negative stuff she hears from her dad. But it's hard for me to try and motivate her when she has pretty much given up on herself. How do you tell a kid they can make it in this life if she doesn't believe in her own abilities? At this rate I am just hoping and praying she will make it far enough to graduate. But right now I'm not too sure.
  2. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Gallbladder is very easy to diagnose with a ultrasound of that area. Gallstones show up pretty easy. But it is a HELL of a lot of pain. If that turns out to be what it is, cut the fat literally. Chicken, chicken noodle soup, rice will be her best friend until surgery can be scheduled. No eggs, oil, mayonnaise, milk red meat at all. Sandwiches without mayo may not hurt either. Mustard and ketchup are fine. Staying hydrated is very important. I dropped down to 115 lbs from 145 lbs
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You HAVE to get to the bottom of the medical stuff.
    Warrior mom mode big time.

    YOU have to believe, before she can.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm with IC. This is first and foremost a medical problem. I'm going to say you should tell your boyfriend to shaddup. This isn't his kid and it's none of his business. Actually, many people are late bloomers and do go to post-school after eighteen. My Julie did. She is successful, probably more successful than boyfriend at this point. When a child is sick, everything gets put on hold. She can always go to online public school if she really can't go to school.

    Huggies!!!! Don't stress out over school right now.
  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    What about a home/health program where they send a teacher to the home? Also sending hugs .
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    difficult child wants to become a chef. I have a friend who is in her forties and still lives with her mom because she has no ambition and failed culinary arts school. She told me that the classes were too hard because they involved a lot of math and writing. So if it was too hard for her I'm wondering how difficult child will do with her learning disabilities. I know I am probably jumping the gun right now but it seems like she is struggling so much even with easier classes and she has given up on herself. So I am going to try my hardest to be positive and back her up and motivate her. And I am almost hoping they do find something wrong with her gallbladder so they can take it out and we can be done with it.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Hoping you get answers to all the medical questions soon. Sorry that your boyfriend and mom aren't more supportive. KSM
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would send her to a culinary school at a two year college because they offer tutoring and want the kids to succeed. My daughter is both a teacher and a pastry chef at a two year college. This is different and in her and my opinion better than going to a culinary school. My daughter allots much time to help her kids succeed. Your daughter can do it. Right now she is ill. Give her time to heal.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry your mother and boyfriend are not supportive of you. I hope the new tests reveal some news that will help your daughter, I feel bad for her being in pain and having difficulty in school as well. CB, my 17 year old granddaughter has been taking Culinary Arts in HS and she loves it. I talked to the teacher who told me that the Santa Rosa JC here in California has one of the best programs in the Country for Culinary Arts and is a fraction of the cost of the best schools. You might want to look into it. I was just there last weekend, the Culinary Dept is brand new and state of the art and it's a beautiful campus too.

    Your ex telling your daughter she will not amount to anything has certainly had a really negative impact on her too, geez, the poor kid. Sorry, but your ex is a real jerk to talk to her that way. Is she in therapy? Because she has a lot going on in her young life. Is your boyfriend still living with you guys too? That's so many changes for her........ her brother is gone, your boyfriend is there, a new school, a father who puts her down........ I might be throwing up from all of that too!!

    Having raised 3 girls now, sometimes what I would do is sit down and just start saying things like, "it must feel weird being in a new school"......................"how is it for you with your brother at his Dad's?" ................"What are the girls like in the new school?"...................just some openers to give her a chance to express herself............kids don't always know what they are feeling and she really has a lot of stress. There have been so many changes for her to deal with and she already has Bipolar and learning disabilities. She's likely holding in a lot of bad feelings about herself, girls of that age are already prone to so much strife and self cruelty, it just seems that she needs to be able to express her pain to someone who loves her and cares about how she feels. Girls are so sensitive and to have her Dad say that to her..............just reading it made me cringe and it hurt my heart.

    You can't stop your boyfriend or your ex or your Mom from being insensitive, but you can certainly show up for your girl, listen to her, try to get her to talk to you about her feelings. Statistics show that if a child has just one person who believes in them, just one person who cares and shows an interest and offers love, they can be successful, contributing, healthy adults. Be that for her CB, she needs you now. 15 is such a tender age, even though they are such drama queens, I know............but she needs your love and guidance. You're all she's got now.............hugs and caring wishes going out to you.........
  10. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice, Midwestmom. I will look into a two year community college program for her when the time comes. And thank you, Recovering, for the kind words of advice. I managed to get her to school today without much of a fight, but during second period she told the teacher she didn't feel well and wanted to go home due to anxiety. The teacher called the school psychiatric to come and talk to her. I have no idea what his magic words are that he says to her, but he is the only person on campus who can convince her to go back to class. Within minutes he can calm her down and talk her into toughing it out the rest of the day. difficult child loves him. I sure could use his help in the mornings when she refuses to get outta bed! So she is back in class today and she made a promise to attend school all next week. Hopefully she is good on her promise. We have seven weeks left till summer vacation. I am so looking forward to not having these kinds of battles for two whole months!
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    OMW someone needs to smack her father. How can she be a failure in life when she's still in high school? WTH? Way to help her succeed a*****e.I also agree with the rest that the medical issues come first and everyone else needs to back off - and you should feel free to tell them so in no uncertain terms (you can be polite and still be firm about it - but continue to be firm and stand your ground).
  12. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Can you possibly sit down with the school psychiatric. who has good rapport with difficult child, and ask for some tips on how he works his magic with her? Is it also possible for her to have a weekly "get together" at a convenient time for both of them for some therapy? She is going through so many changes, and it's wonderful that she likes this dr. and she may feel so much better if she had scheduled meetings with him. It may make a tremendous difference with her confidence, etc.