difficult child just asked me....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    "Mom, Do you know any hot chicks who will work for free? We need a secretary." He and his two buddies have a "dectective agency". I told him that first they needed a customer and THEN one of them can be the "secretary". "No, boys are not secretaries!"


    Welcome to the 15 year old boy world!

  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sure there are, they're called assistants! LOL
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Have them look up the history of the job position "secretary"...
    AND have them look up the various meanings of it....

    It sounds quite different when you call someone the Secretary of State!
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Great ideas! I am going to suggest that.

    This from the same kid who told me that the girls in High School were not as hot as he thought they would be but is still happy to be sharing a hall of lockers with some of them.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    I am so sorry, but he really needs some sensitivity training!

    Please, please, please tell me that he's aware that a woman can do any job a man can do.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm finding that boys this age actually do believe that a woman can do any job that a man can do.
    They even believe that a man "can do" any job a woman can do.
    BUT. They do have a fairly accurate sense of the "pink ghetto" - and I don't know of ANY guy that age who would want to do a "pink collar" job. And in their minds, the ultimate "pink collar" job is secretary or receptionist...

    Its OK for a guy to be a nurse, or a teacher. Its even OK to wait tables. But... not even my very-open-minded 14.75YO fellow would ever consider "secretary".
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    This is just the opposite - He is saying that a boy can not be a secretary because he has never seen a man in a receptionist desk. He knows that anyone can do any job they want to do. As a 15 year old, it is normal for a boy to look for jobs that they see men doing and come to think about it, I don't think I have ever seen a man in a receptionist "secretary" position.

    He really is not being unsensitive toward women. How many men/boys do you know that will come forward at a meeting and volunteer to take notes? I think it is more that women are more inclined to take on the "secretary" task than men are, not that men can't, more that I don't think they really want to.

    difficult child is not saying that women can only be secretarys. He is well aware of their abilities in all jobs as he sees women all around doing everything.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    HA! I'd have smacked him. When I was prez of our rotary club, we had an 85-yr-old male secretary.

    I like your idea about the customers, though. He needs to learn about biz the right way. :)
  9. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I could not help but remember. When I was in high school, all my friends took secretary classes (typing and if you can remember it short hand) and went on to become secretaries. Back them my Dyslexia = No confidence. I knew I could not ever be a secretary even though I wanted to be one, because of my bad spelling and poor organizational skills. Yes I NEVER volunteered to take the notes. So I asked myself what was I good at, and answered "nothing", "well that's not totally true, I am good at math". So because I could never make it as a secretary I went on to become an engineer. (Lots of engineers have troubles with spelling and I found I fit well here!). Oh how glad I am now.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I was more concerned about him calling the girls "Hot Chicks". I have no idea where that is coming from - school or t.v.? I have not heard that term in ages! However, I know that is also the normal for his age so I am not going to do an over the top reaction to it. I will just let him know that I don't think that is appropriate.

    I think this was a case that they wanted to expand their non-business and couldn't find another boy who would do the secretary duties so decided that a girl may be willing. And, what better way to meet a girl than to offer her a non-paying position in their up and coming business?

    At the school open house, a group of girls called him over and as they talked, he told them about his business. They asked what that meant and I explained that if they loose something the boys will help them find it. She said she would go home and loose something. I told her that it only worked with things lost on school property - that he would not be going off school grounds to "investigate" (missing pencils, calculators, stuff like that).

    They started this "business" last Spring and never got a customer so I am not too concerned.
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Ha, ha. :)
  12. keista

    keista New Member

    See, that's the part that was bugging me. I realize that it's difficult, especially for male teens, to think outside of traditional gender roles, but the objectification is what really got to me.

    Beside, in a small "business" they'd need an office manager more than a secretary.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I think boys go through a phase where girls are "hot chicks" in their mind, a combination of budding physical attraction and sheer terror at the idea of talking to them. I don't think it is a precursor to anything. As long as boys are surrounded in the media by strong women in powerful roles AND in their daily lives by strong women, they will be fine.
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I don't think they understand what an office manager is. It is normal for boys to go through this stage of "genderdizing". It is a time of learning for them - they are looking for differences - why are there men and women - what roles do they play - very normal for them to be mixed up - and he will learn that "hot chicks" is very an inappropriate term.

    He really is a great kid and does respect all people. As a 15 year old, he is just trying to figure out where everyone fits in the world and using language that he is hearing older boys use which is another very normal thing for boys to do - look for the reaction of when a certain something is said. Trying out various ways with his friends to see what they react to. Very very normal. I have no concern at all that he will come out the other side as a very respectable human being knowing as an adult that all people can do all things and there are certain terms like "hot chick" that are not appropriate in ANY setting. Like every other 15 year old boy, he will work through the maturing process and hopefully as an adult have learned his leasons.

    I like taking my son and his friends places because then I do get to hear what they are thinking about. A parent can not help a child learn if they don't know what is going on - what their child is thinking about - how they are relating to others. As your child gets older, the opportunity to know what they are thinking shrinks as they don't always want to share.

    Now, if difficult child was a 21 year old and said the same thing and was very serious about it, then red flags would be jumping up everywhere. However, young teenagers are just beginning to see the world outside their home and trying to do things to get friends. Most will learn as time goes on what is and is not acceptable.
  15. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    To be honest, I would have thought it was quite healthy and normal. An analogy might be drawn with my 4 year old's fascination with fighting, guns and weaponry of any kind! I don't suppose I "approve" in some wider, philosophical sense but this is how many boys are... a question of energy that needs to be expressed. I wouldn't presume that your teenager calling girls "hot chicks" implies that he is a budding misogynist. It all sounds rather sweet and harmless :)
  16. keista

    keista New Member

    OK. Forgive me because 1. I'm in "sensitive" time of month mode, and 2. While I do have a 15 year old son of my own, he's nowhere near being a "normal" boy. I'm missing out on all the "normal" stuff boys his age think and do. Most days, I am extremely grateful for that. :)
  17. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Keista, you are forgiven. I can most certainly understand your reaction being you don't know my difficult child. I know some boys his age that if they had said this I would have reacted the same as you did. It all depends on the kid and if he is truly disrespectful at heart than it will become a problem. Perfectly fine to ask for clarifications or voice concerns.

    I can assure you in difficult child's case this is just sweet and harmless. My instincts would have told me otherwise if that was the case. difficult child is a kind hearted soul.

    When I was in 12th grade, I was assigned to tutor a 7th grader. He would have nothing to do with it saying that girls don't know anything and can not teach boys anything even with the age difference. Now that is one kid that even back then was headed for trouble with the disrespectful attitude that I had heard he learned from his dad.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I thought that the current word for girls was babes. I could be wrong. I only have a fifteen year old daughter...
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The meaning of so many of these words has changed - and my teenagers will not even tell me what they mean, but it seems like both "babe" and "chick" have very negative connotations. I made the mistake of calling daughter a "cute chick" and got raked over the coals good and proper by DS... but they won't tell me why.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok...I have no clue what the current term for cute girls in HS is...Im still laughing about the girl who told him she would go home and lose something for him so he could come find it! Hilarious.

    He's 15. Right now he isnt thinking with the appropriate part of his anatomy. In 10 years he will be a fine upstanding young man who will look back fondly on his little detective agency with a grin.