difficult child just walked out
- Thread starter TerryJ2
- Start date
Terry I know your son acts in some difficult child ways, however he also acts in typical teen behavior, perhaps a tad more over the top, but doesn't always sound like full blown adult gfgdom quite yet. Immature, selfish, defiant and exhausting, yes, as many typical teens can be. Teens can be so exasperating I raised 3 and each one was so different, each one was a head strong, independent, feisty young woman who put me through my paces.
This is only my opinion and of course I could be DEAD wrong, but not all kids who are difficult are difficult child's. Many of ours have similar traits, but some don't. Your son may grow his brain a few more years and be able to catch up in maturity and find his way. He seems to have a bit more "heart" and willingness to communicate at times........good traits..........and of course, there's the rest of the story. No doubt it's hard, not minimizing that, just observing a little bit of a difference with him...........
HUGS TO YOU TERRY, WHATEVER YOUR SON IS.........
This is only my opinion and of course I could be DEAD wrong, but not all kids who are difficult are difficult child's. Many of ours have similar traits, but some don't. Your son may grow his brain a few more years and be able to catch up in maturity and find his way. He seems to have a bit more "heart" and willingness to communicate at times........good traits..........and of course, there's the rest of the story. No doubt it's hard, not minimizing that, just observing a little bit of a difference with him...........
HUGS TO YOU TERRY, WHATEVER YOUR SON IS.........
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Well, apparently, difficult child gave husband a h*ll of a time this a.m. in regard to taking medications. That's why husband does it and not me.
difficult child was home tonight when husband and I got home (all separately). He was on the couch with-his former girlfriend, watching a movie. He ate some chicken crock pot soup I had made, and said he took his medications. Not sure about that. We have a dr appointment next wk and will get a scrip for a blood draw. Come to think of it, I think I'll ask for the scrip this wk and have the blood draw done immediately so I can see if difficult child is taking his lithium and then we can talk about it during the appointment.
He's been a dud, a bum, a poopy-head, as the kids said when they were little. Although I did ask him tonight, if tomorrow, he would carry in wood and we could have a fire, and he said yes. Not an excited tone, but yes, nonetheless. I'll see if he remembers tomorrow.
I think some of this is depression, some is typical teen, some is difficult child and some of it is deliberate. Not going to sort it out. I know where he is and that's enough for the moment. And he's still in school. I checked online.
Thank you all for holding my hand through this.
difficult child was home tonight when husband and I got home (all separately). He was on the couch with-his former girlfriend, watching a movie. He ate some chicken crock pot soup I had made, and said he took his medications. Not sure about that. We have a dr appointment next wk and will get a scrip for a blood draw. Come to think of it, I think I'll ask for the scrip this wk and have the blood draw done immediately so I can see if difficult child is taking his lithium and then we can talk about it during the appointment.
He's been a dud, a bum, a poopy-head, as the kids said when they were little. Although I did ask him tonight, if tomorrow, he would carry in wood and we could have a fire, and he said yes. Not an excited tone, but yes, nonetheless. I'll see if he remembers tomorrow.
I think some of this is depression, some is typical teen, some is difficult child and some of it is deliberate. Not going to sort it out. I know where he is and that's enough for the moment. And he's still in school. I checked online.
Thank you all for holding my hand through this.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
So, yesterday difficult child left school early. He texted me, and told the teacher.
Today, he told all of his teachers and left early. Very early. It's not even 10 a.m.
He upchucked at the side door to the house on his way to school. Looks like acid reflux.
Not sure if it's all nerves or what. No fever.
He's in the shower now.
Today, he told all of his teachers and left early. Very early. It's not even 10 a.m.
He upchucked at the side door to the house on his way to school. Looks like acid reflux.
Not sure if it's all nerves or what. No fever.
He's in the shower now.
HeadlightsMom
Well-Known Member
TerryJ2 -- I think you handled a very unattractive scenario very well. Yes, detaching in the long run is necessary. But, in the short run (like security reasons), it's necessary for safety. I like what everyone said about changing the locks (it's true, one never knows who has or TRIES TO GAIN access). We changed locks, got an alarm system and posted a BIG sign on our front fence.......just in case someone wonders if we have an alarm (our dog will just lick 'em to death, so no fear factor there! LOL!) Car keys went in our lock box (years later, I still hear Al Gore in my voice every time I say "Lock box"!)
I also like what MWM said about all's not lost with your difficult child. And, not so coincidentally, am hoping her words also apply to our difficult child.
My heart is with you TerryJ2 -- We're in it with you! Different circus and monkeys, but same boat (complete with bucket for bailing us all out!)
I also like what MWM said about all's not lost with your difficult child. And, not so coincidentally, am hoping her words also apply to our difficult child.
My heart is with you TerryJ2 -- We're in it with you! Different circus and monkeys, but same boat (complete with bucket for bailing us all out!)
Take the car away. Now. Driving is a privilege that he hasn't earned. I don't believe his story that someone hit is parked car. My difficult child used that one, too. It turned out she had sideswiped someone when she was under the influence of too many Ambien. To this day, she can't remember what she hit.
If nothing else, he is a danger to others as well as himself. I am sorry that you are going through this.
{{{Hugs}}}
~Kathy
If nothing else, he is a danger to others as well as himself. I am sorry that you are going through this.
{{{Hugs}}}
~Kathy
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
He is not using the car. He hasn't called the insurance company, either.
Kids make mistakes. What we don't like is his lying about it. Or, not knowing he did it, which I don't believe.
It's a Corolla, and it was on the passenger side.
I dented my van yrs ago, backing up, and had no idea. That was a bigger vehicle, and I remembered the incident, just not that I'd hit anything. I figured it out by deduction. He doesn't want to think that hard.
Let's see, trash day, narrow alley, no parking permit ... that's all he has to do. We wouldn't have gotten on his case so much if he hadn't stonewalled.
And yes, he could have hit another car, but we doubt it. No marks on the car. No paint, no metal. A large trash can makes the most sense.
And then there's the smoking, another lie. He texted me the other night and admitted that he smokes sometimes, by the way. But I don't know if I can get him to sit down with-husband and discuss it civilly. Or even to get husband not to lose his temper again.
Male egos. Bah!
Kids make mistakes. What we don't like is his lying about it. Or, not knowing he did it, which I don't believe.
It's a Corolla, and it was on the passenger side.
I dented my van yrs ago, backing up, and had no idea. That was a bigger vehicle, and I remembered the incident, just not that I'd hit anything. I figured it out by deduction. He doesn't want to think that hard.
Let's see, trash day, narrow alley, no parking permit ... that's all he has to do. We wouldn't have gotten on his case so much if he hadn't stonewalled.
And yes, he could have hit another car, but we doubt it. No marks on the car. No paint, no metal. A large trash can makes the most sense.
And then there's the smoking, another lie. He texted me the other night and admitted that he smokes sometimes, by the way.
But I don't know if I can get him to sit down with-husband and discuss it civilly. Or even to get husband not to lose his temper again.Male egos. Bah!
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TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
So, difficult child came home around 10:30 a.m., sick. He told his teachers, picked up a book in English class (Scarlet Letter, I think).
I have no idea how he got home.
I think it was the Muslim not-girlfriend. He was fine, talking normally.
He had thrown up a little by the back door on his way out at 6 a.m... looked like acid reflux. It was frozen by the time I saw it. No pills, so it wasn't a deep, flu-like thing. Just acid.
I picked up steamed rice for him.
I tried to talk to him 2 or 3 X this afternoon but he was really grumpy and mean.
Big mood change. He was texting like mad, then put on his hat and said, "I'm leaving."
He was not mad at me ... obviously, it was a "Friend" issue.
I said, "You look mad. Calm down. Don't go anywhere. Here's a clonidine."
He stood and stared at me, then walked away. I walked behind him and asked him to please take it, to calm down.
He refused.
Slammed the door and left.
I did not go after him, although I was tempted.
I just hope he didn't slug someone. Guess I'll find out later.
So, he's too sick to go to school, but not too sick to argue or fight ... with someone outside of the house and yard. I guess that rice did the trick.
Please, send me patience.
I have no idea how he got home.
I think it was the Muslim not-girlfriend. He was fine, talking normally.
He had thrown up a little by the back door on his way out at 6 a.m... looked like acid reflux. It was frozen by the time I saw it. No pills, so it wasn't a deep, flu-like thing. Just acid.
I picked up steamed rice for him.
I tried to talk to him 2 or 3 X this afternoon but he was really grumpy and mean.
Big mood change. He was texting like mad, then put on his hat and said, "I'm leaving."
He was not mad at me ... obviously, it was a "Friend" issue.
I said, "You look mad. Calm down. Don't go anywhere. Here's a clonidine."
He stood and stared at me, then walked away. I walked behind him and asked him to please take it, to calm down.
He refused.
Slammed the door and left.
I did not go after him, although I was tempted.
I just hope he didn't slug someone. Guess I'll find out later.
So, he's too sick to go to school, but not too sick to argue or fight ... with someone outside of the house and yard. I guess that rice did the trick.
Please, send me patience.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
37 used to fake illness and stayed home or came home in the middle of the day all the time. I worked so half the time I didn't know that he'd come home. The sad part here is, 37 is so smart that he got into college anyway, although for many reasons, he didn't finish.
I was too tired from work and the divorce to fight over it. If he stayed home from school, he did. His grades remained good. It was legal to drop out of school at sixteen back then and he was told that if he did so, he could forget about getting any money from us if he couldn't get a job. One summer he did hard labor for a few weeks, like what he'd have had to do if he'd dropped out. Hehe...he hated it. He does not like to get his hands dirty or work physically. He went to school more often after that and I have to thank his awesome principal for taking an interest in him, seeing his potential, and literally doing more than I could ever have done to keep him in school with a "B" average. Doesn't mean he never stayed home with a "headache" (cough), but his principal did not punish him. He did call him and talk to him and usually 37 went back the next day because principal encouraged him and got him interested in going.
I'm sorry that nobody is taking that sort of interest in your son. He is surly and defiant, like mine, and doesn't want to go to school, like mine, but if somebody at school acted like he/she cared a dang about him, he may be more motivated to go and stay and graduate. To me, encouragement from school is sooooooooooo much better than condemnation and threats to call the truancy officers. That just makes them think school is ""The Man" (I got that from the 60's!)
You may have noticed I like your son. I don't like everything he does, but I still think he has a lot of potential and that he has a very important thing many difficult child's lack...a heart. I hope his heart wins out against the defiance. Whatever happens, Terry, you could not have done a better job with this young man. He would be a LOT worse if not in your wonderful care. I think even after this rough spot he has a great chance of being a wonderful young man. He is very bonded to your family...that is so important in the success or lack of it with especially adopted children.
I was too tired from work and the divorce to fight over it. If he stayed home from school, he did. His grades remained good. It was legal to drop out of school at sixteen back then and he was told that if he did so, he could forget about getting any money from us if he couldn't get a job. One summer he did hard labor for a few weeks, like what he'd have had to do if he'd dropped out. Hehe...he hated it. He does not like to get his hands dirty or work physically. He went to school more often after that and I have to thank his awesome principal for taking an interest in him, seeing his potential, and literally doing more than I could ever have done to keep him in school with a "B" average. Doesn't mean he never stayed home with a "headache" (cough), but his principal did not punish him. He did call him and talk to him and usually 37 went back the next day because principal encouraged him and got him interested in going.
I'm sorry that nobody is taking that sort of interest in your son. He is surly and defiant, like mine, and doesn't want to go to school, like mine, but if somebody at school acted like he/she cared a dang about him, he may be more motivated to go and stay and graduate. To me, encouragement from school is sooooooooooo much better than condemnation and threats to call the truancy officers. That just makes them think school is ""The Man" (I got that from the 60's!)
You may have noticed I like your son. I don't like everything he does, but I still think he has a lot of potential and that he has a very important thing many difficult child's lack...a heart. I hope his heart wins out against the defiance. Whatever happens, Terry, you could not have done a better job with this young man. He would be a LOT worse if not in your wonderful care. I think even after this rough spot he has a great chance of being a wonderful young man. He is very bonded to your family...that is so important in the success or lack of it with especially adopted children.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Mine also liked to "throw up" only it sounds like you actually found evidence. My son would just say he had, but there was no evidence. Originally, it was easy to believe him as he was always the best "puker". You know how little kids cry and scream and have a fit if they throw up? Mine would just puke and go on about his business, no big deal. lol
But it became apparent that "I threw up" was his key to "I don't want to be at school, I'm going home." We ended up telling him he couldn't come home or stay home unless he had a fever. That really didn't stick though and he did stay home a lot. He even admitted it once, "You know I'm never sick mom."
But one thing was for sure, if he came home sick from school, he may as well consider himself grounded to the house. That was non-negotiable.
But it became apparent that "I threw up" was his key to "I don't want to be at school, I'm going home." We ended up telling him he couldn't come home or stay home unless he had a fever. That really didn't stick though and he did stay home a lot. He even admitted it once, "You know I'm never sick mom."
But one thing was for sure, if he came home sick from school, he may as well consider himself grounded to the house. That was non-negotiable.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Thank you.
Sigh.
He says he's going to make up a story about smoking in the car just to shut up husband. NOT.
I said, "Wouldn't it be possible for one of your friends to smoke with-o you knowing it? If they had the window open an inch, like it was two days ago? Flick-flick. (I showed him how people flick cigarettes out the window.)
He said, "Well, actually, I did tell them they could have something-or-other/liquid cigs, because they're guaranteed not to leave a smell."
Arrrgh!
So, I got husband and difficult child to sit together at the kitchen table and have a very short conversation. difficult child said he was on the spot and wanted to think about what he wanted to say. I said, "Just say 'I'm sorry.' Doesn't have to be for vapes, ecigs or real cigs. Just 'I'm sorry that the car smells.'"
husband said, "Just let it go. We'll talk another time."
Arrrgh. Well, at least I got halfway there.
(difficult child said he paid $20 for a vape and he broke it. Not surprising. He breaks everything. Always has.)
And I also made difficult child promise that when he gets another job (he hasn't been on the McD schedule for a month so it's safe to assume he was fired, although the mgr is at good at dodging responsibility as he is, since she hasn't called to tell him he's fired, and to ask for his uniform. She's a difficult child too. Tattoos from The Bloods. Sheesh) that he will pay for detailing the inside of the car (wet-washing and drying the upholstery).
And he's got to call the ins. company Fri. He tried to tell husband that he left the ins card at home and "Mom didn't text me until 4 or 5 and they closed at 5 and it was too late."
Don't you love it when it's all Mom's fault?
husband said, "You've had two days to do that. DO IT TOMORROW."
doG, this is exhausting.
Sigh.
He says he's going to make up a story about smoking in the car just to shut up husband. NOT.
I said, "Wouldn't it be possible for one of your friends to smoke with-o you knowing it? If they had the window open an inch, like it was two days ago? Flick-flick. (I showed him how people flick cigarettes out the window.)
He said, "Well, actually, I did tell them they could have something-or-other/liquid cigs, because they're guaranteed not to leave a smell."
Arrrgh!
So, I got husband and difficult child to sit together at the kitchen table and have a very short conversation. difficult child said he was on the spot and wanted to think about what he wanted to say. I said, "Just say 'I'm sorry.' Doesn't have to be for vapes, ecigs or real cigs. Just 'I'm sorry that the car smells.'"
husband said, "Just let it go. We'll talk another time."
Arrrgh. Well, at least I got halfway there.
(difficult child said he paid $20 for a vape and he broke it. Not surprising. He breaks everything. Always has.)
And I also made difficult child promise that when he gets another job (he hasn't been on the McD schedule for a month so it's safe to assume he was fired, although the mgr is at good at dodging responsibility as he is, since she hasn't called to tell him he's fired, and to ask for his uniform. She's a difficult child too. Tattoos from The Bloods. Sheesh) that he will pay for detailing the inside of the car (wet-washing and drying the upholstery).
And he's got to call the ins. company Fri. He tried to tell husband that he left the ins card at home and "Mom didn't text me until 4 or 5 and they closed at 5 and it was too late."
Don't you love it when it's all Mom's fault?
husband said, "You've had two days to do that. DO IT TOMORROW."
doG, this is exhausting.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
And I just ordered this book. Someone here suggested it. I just love the title, even if the book isn't any good.
http://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Co...life+but+first+take+me+and+cheryl+to+the+mall
I have that book!! I could have sent it to you.
It's good - funny - but truthful...
