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difficult child just walked out
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 646804" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Terry, I am so sorry. This stuff is bone-wearying. I have been through it again and again with my son since he was about 19--he's now 25.5. </p><p></p><p>I learned that he would keep coming back. I learned that he would say awful things, and wouldn't agree to any rules, or would agree and then not do any of them, was smoking the whole time he swore that he didn't smoke---remember, Mom, how much I hate smoking? How much I have always hated smoking? And you think I would smoke---, he was lying and stealing from me and other people and using...on and on and on. I'm sure there is so much I still have no idea about. </p><p></p><p>I changed my locks one day. I cried and sobbed the entire time we walked through Home Depot and the entire time SO/now husband changed all of the locks and put slide bolts on the doors. </p><p></p><p>Time and again, he would come home, beg to come back, and we would sit down for a big long talk, and I would type up contracts for him to sign, and he would tear them up in my face and walk out again. I learned to let him go. </p><p></p><p>He didn't take the medication he had been prescribed for depression and of course he would not go to therapy, even when I would literally pull him out of the bed and push him into the car, unshowered, and drive him there, and he would sit there and say not one word. </p><p></p><p>I have never encountered anything like this---the past five/six years with my son---in my life. Everything else in my life I would be able to affect with persistence, determination, hard work, love, persuasion, pushing, pushing, pushing, action, action, action. Not addiction. Not the 40-foot-tall monster. It is a roaring beast and it mows down everything and everybody in its path.</p><p></p><p>I had met my match and finally I had to accept it. I don't know if your son is an addict or not. I read your signature and I understand he has multiple diagnosis. I am not trying to say our sons are the same.</p><p></p><p>But I am saying that your best efforts and all of the love and resources you have to offer may not affect his actions for a while. </p><p></p><p>Today, finally, I am seeing some change in my son. I don't know why---he hit a bottom, his age, he's scared to death, he's finally ready for some reason, etc.---but I do know it had very little to nothing to do with anything I said or did. </p><p></p><p>Work to let go and to accept as best you can. Yes it's cold outside, and yes, I'm sure he's 15 maturity-wise and he needs his medication. But what can you really do? He's 18 now, and the world considers him an adult. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. I so understand. Please keep sharing here. We get it and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 646804, member: 17542"] Terry, I am so sorry. This stuff is bone-wearying. I have been through it again and again with my son since he was about 19--he's now 25.5. I learned that he would keep coming back. I learned that he would say awful things, and wouldn't agree to any rules, or would agree and then not do any of them, was smoking the whole time he swore that he didn't smoke---remember, Mom, how much I hate smoking? How much I have always hated smoking? And you think I would smoke---, he was lying and stealing from me and other people and using...on and on and on. I'm sure there is so much I still have no idea about. I changed my locks one day. I cried and sobbed the entire time we walked through Home Depot and the entire time SO/now husband changed all of the locks and put slide bolts on the doors. Time and again, he would come home, beg to come back, and we would sit down for a big long talk, and I would type up contracts for him to sign, and he would tear them up in my face and walk out again. I learned to let him go. He didn't take the medication he had been prescribed for depression and of course he would not go to therapy, even when I would literally pull him out of the bed and push him into the car, unshowered, and drive him there, and he would sit there and say not one word. I have never encountered anything like this---the past five/six years with my son---in my life. Everything else in my life I would be able to affect with persistence, determination, hard work, love, persuasion, pushing, pushing, pushing, action, action, action. Not addiction. Not the 40-foot-tall monster. It is a roaring beast and it mows down everything and everybody in its path. I had met my match and finally I had to accept it. I don't know if your son is an addict or not. I read your signature and I understand he has multiple diagnosis. I am not trying to say our sons are the same. But I am saying that your best efforts and all of the love and resources you have to offer may not affect his actions for a while. Today, finally, I am seeing some change in my son. I don't know why---he hit a bottom, his age, he's scared to death, he's finally ready for some reason, etc.---but I do know it had very little to nothing to do with anything I said or did. Work to let go and to accept as best you can. Yes it's cold outside, and yes, I'm sure he's 15 maturity-wise and he needs his medication. But what can you really do? He's 18 now, and the world considers him an adult. Warm hugs. I so understand. Please keep sharing here. We get it and we care. [/QUOTE]
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