difficult child makes EVERYONE throw their hands up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I swear, this kid has me at the end of my rope. Ilovemyson called me tonight and asked how he was doing. I laughed.

    In the past few weeks we have received 2-3 discipline referral forms A WEEK from the school. Today I got two. He repeatedly comes to class without supplies or his book, skips a class here or there if he feels like it, leaves campus during lunch, blah blah blah blah blah. Today's slips just make you want to slap your forhead. (or his) #1 (dated 4/24) reads: "difficult child asked my sub for a pass to resource. Because of difficult child's recent trend of truancies, I decided to check with Resource. He did not sign in and no one saw him down there. When I asked him about it today, he said he was hungry so he went to get something to eat." Because of this offense, he will be removed from that class and will do it on nova net.

    Slip #2 (dated 4/25 and for the same class) reads: difficult child failed to bring his book today and asked if he could go to ISS. I told him no but I would let him borrow a book. The then refused to come get a book. He told me he is just going to take nova net, so he's not going to do anything in here. Can he be removed from my class? Grade = 25%. Third referral in last week, 2 truancies."

    Also today, I got a call from one of the vice principals. Seems that difficult child dropped the f bomb in one of his classes, directed towards the teacher no less.

    Half the time, his excuse is that he's 18 (leaving campus, going to get something to eat instead of going to class) and he can do what he wants.

    I didn't even bother bringing up the referral slips I got today. There's absolutely no point. The school is doing their discipline and honestly, there's nothing (absolutely nothing) I can do to him that works. He has a suspension tomorrow for the f bomb but he'll just sleep all day unless I take him to the youth services bureau for the day. And I can just imagine what kind of pleasant morning THAT would be, not to mention his attitude while there.

    He really ticked husband off a few weeks ago and has now been told that he WILL be out of the house at the end of the school year. Of course since then, husband has told me privately that he doesn't want to make him leave if difficult child doesn't have someplace to go. :slap:

    I'm so done. He won't do ANYTHING. He was told a few days ago that it was his turn to do dishes. (He hasn't done them in weeks.) Since it had been a few days, there were quite a few to be done. He was finished in 15 minutes. Of course I go check them and they were nasty. Plates that still had food and grease on them, glasses with dried milk in the bottom, anything that was clean still had suds all over. Then when I was on the phone with Ilovemyson, I get into my pan cabinet and discovered a really lovely situation. I have a couple of those splatter guards for skillets. One of them was lying on clean pans and just DRIPPING oil. I doubt that thing had even come into contact with water, let alone soap.

    As I type this, he's been home for just under 5 hours. With the exception of one bathroom run, the dishes, and fixing his dinner plate, he's been in his room the entire time. Now that I think about it though, I don't care. That's just less time that I have to deal with him.

    I'm just fed up, frustrated, stressed and done. I talked to a person at the school to set up a conference regarding his behavior at school lately. I laughed at the thought. What in the name of all that's shiny is that going to accomplish??? Don't they know? He's 18...he doesn't have to do anything.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Ah, the bad old days... I hope that you and your husband will have the opportunity to come up with a plan for him come June (if he makes it that far in school and they don't kick him out) that you can both feel comfortable with. It sounds to me like he's going for the old "divide and conquer."

    Not to make light, but did your husband consider that if he can't figure out how to bring a pencil or book to class, he probably isn't going to figure out where he will live in a few weeks when he leaves your house? ;) Your difficult child is probably a lot like mine. He had a lot of big talk about how much he didn't need us and all the wonderful gadgets, cars, toys and apartments he was going to have when he was 18, and he didn't have a plan. But the day we kicked him out, he found a place to stay. He didn't go hungry. He found a series of gullible people to take our place. It took him 3 years to burn through them all, because they were all people who were new to him and didn't know what they were getting themselves into.

    Now he has a job and rents a room in a guy's house. I doubt he has much more than that. I know he has no car. He's just learning his lesson and making his plan the hard way. He never could have done it without going out our door screaming "I'm never coming back" to our resounding replies of "THANK GOD!" He always thought he was too good for the rest of the world. Getting kicked out of someone else's house has a way of changing their point of view. Eating top ramin every day for a while doesn't hurt either.

    Do what you can to get you and husband on the same page, whatever it is that you decide to do. Go to dinner and talk it out. Be honest with each other about how this all is affecting your lives, and what really might happen if he isn't at your house. Will he be on the street, or will some well-meaning idiot take him in? And take advantage of every opportunity to relax. You're almost there.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Mustang -

    I see your grease and I feel your pain. So tomorrow he gets to sleep in? Sigh - know it all too well. You WISH Sgt. Grit would show up at your door at 0500 hours and tell Jr. to GET UP OUT OF THAT BED YOU MAGGOT.....and then make him clean your house with a toothbrush -

    Don't you just wish there was such a thing? And it worked? But we all know that it is NOT a waiting game - so let him sleep - at least you wont' get any notes from the school.

    Do you have a recruiter at the school you could have talk to your son?
    How about Job Corps?
    City Year?
    I think the fact that he's graduating without the aid of getting a GED is phenominal. At least he'll have that.

    I have no advice really - just hugs.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Oh but see.......he's not. According to age, he's a senior. According to credits, however, he's still a junior. He SAYS he will finish school and graduate next year but his actions are speaking way loud. We'll see.

    And where the HECK is Sgt. Grit!!!!!!
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    This is why I fear the teenage years. What a frustrating situation! I hope that whatever you decide for the end of the school years allows you some peace and helps your difficult child mature. I noticed that your signature indicates you adopted your son from fostercare at age 10, that is an amazing thing to do! I really admire you. No matter how things work out, you have given him the best possible chance at a successful life.

    Good Luck
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending ((hugs))

    I hear your frustration and I soooo understand it. :dissapointed:
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    So, he's found a way to freeload for another year. How lovely! What does he do in his room besides sleep? If has anything in there beyond a bed and dresser for his clothes, I'd be removing them. I'd also be removing any and all privileges of the house that I could. If he can't even do the dishes, he doesn't need the good stuff that being a kid offers, up to and including yummy food.

    At 18, my daughter had enough credits to be a sophomore. She quit school. It made me so very, very sad. Still does.

    I did make her pay a nominal amount of rent once she quit school. Of course, she thought it was way too much and left and came back and left and came back and .... She, too, ran through her friends. Unfortunately, she didn't have enough to make it 3 years before going through all of them. Each time, she would follow house rules for a short period of time and then go back to old ways. The last time she almost lasted a year before slipping backwards. However, this time around she found an apartment and signed a lease. From what I know, she's doing well.

    Given his attitude at home and school, the best thing for him might be forcing him to face the world. He may actually surprise you and truly work on being at least somewhat responsible once he discovers how hard life can be with no education and no skills.

    Letting our kids go when they have no place to go is hard -- whether it is their choice or your choice because of their behavior. At the same time, it may just be the best thing you can do for them.

    For now, HUGS ... I understand your frustration all too well.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I don't have any suggestions, other than to remove any/all items from his room (sell them to pay someone to do the dishes!) and he can have a mattress on the floor and some crates for his clothes.

    You may want to look into Job corps. They provide housing.

    I do think you and husband need to be on the same page if you can.


  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Oh. Mustang, I feel your pain. Today my difficult child turns 20. He has one week to find a job. Thankfully, he did finish high school. It took a lot of work on my part, but I knew he had to have that diploma.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Mustang, I'm so sorry. We have some of that delightful attitude floating around here, too. Hugs to you.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's making a little more sense now. His peers are graduating, and he is not. No wonder he's acting up. How many credits does he need? Could he make them up in summer school? M did some that he blew at the community college which made him feel more adult. He always thought he was more grown up than anyone anyway. Many of the community colleges have adult education programs for adults (18 years old) who haven't graduated. They can get their high school credits for an actual diploma, plus use the credit towards college credits. Plus, since it's a high school education, it's free. It doesn't work for every kid, but it works for many.

    I hope you will get an opportunity to look in to that and into getting a GED or anything to not prolong this he!! for another year. Maybe if you are able to get him thinking about a way to graduate this summer, you can get him off this nastiness jag, and you and husband can feel comfortable that you have given him an opportunity to stay on track and move out under better circumstances. Maybe it's a last ditch effort that you and husband can agree upon.
  12. Irene_J

    Irene_J Member

    Your difficult child sounds a lot like mine. When she was in her junior in high school, she only had enough credits to be a freshman. I had told her when she was 18 that she was out of my house unless she turned things around. And my difficult child knew I meant it. Like Witzend said, my difficult child's peers were talking about proms and senior picnics and where they were applying to college. Something clicked. She went to summer school and an off campus program to make up her credits.

    The CST really helped in finding programs to help her attain credits. But there are community colleges that can help with high school and college credits. My difficult child is really proud that she is a college student. It has done something for her self esteem. As much as she used to skip classes in high school, she attends class every day in college.

    But, you may need to boot him out before he gets it. Once you say it, you must stick with it.
  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I honestly think I understand how you feel!!! Living with difficult child 1 (I'm not even going to begin discussing difficult child 2:angry-very:) is like HE77 on earth!!! difficult child 1 is similar to your difficult child is some ways. difficult child 1 has absolutely NO sense of responsibility!!! husband and I spoon feed difficult child 1 the tools he needs to live independently. He knows he needs to move out when he graduates from high school. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to care about anything except gaming. Believe me, next Spring can't come soon enough!!! I've absolutely had it with him:angry-very:!!!

    And, awhile back I posted that he had a paying job at the camp he attended for several years. Well, I guess I shouldn't have posted so soon!!! He is still going (I have to have him out of the house for awhile or I'm going to go crazy) BUT, we have to pay a reduced rate for him to work there. Believe me, it is still expensive and we're not in a good place financially at the moment. However, it is worth it in order to save our sanity.

    I could keep on going but this is your post. I'm really sorry you're having so much trouble with your difficult child. I wish I could help, but, unfortunately, all I can do is let you know I understand. We ought to have our difficult children live together, lol!!! WFEN