difficult child Manipulations--I was right...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by janebrain, Aug 18, 2008.

  1. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Everyone,
    well, when I last I posted I had told difficult child she could not come home because she had mentioned a one-way bus ticket so I was sure something was up. She had no intentions of coming for just a one week visit. I was pretty nervous that she might just show up on the weekend but she didn't and I haven't heard from her in nearly a week.

    Okay, today there was a letter and itemized statement in the mail from her landords. They knew we had provided her first month's rent, last month's rent and security deposit for her 6 month lease (out of college money saved for her). Well, they wanted us to know that they were in the process of evicting difficult child and boyfriend. They not only missed some rent payments but had done a lot of damage to the apt. Gee, this sounds familiar. They even sent pics of the condition of the place but it didn't look as bad as the last place they trashed--guess they hadn't had as much time to do as much damage? The landlords said they just wanted us to know and also to forward the statement on to difficult child since she left no forwarding address. They owe about $1300.00.

    I feel bad for the landlords--they said they were trying to help difficult child and boyfriend with their bad credit rating. Funny how difficult child and boyfriend always can get people to help them and then they walk all over them in return. Since they kept referring to both difficult child and boyfriend I am now quite positive that boyfriend was always in the picture. The story was that he just left difficult child in a homeless shelter after she was out there for a short time. She had no money, no where to go, etc. That's where we (suckers) came in. We helped her get settled there and she was ever so grateful and painted such a nice picture of how she was lonely but doing okay and learning how to take care of herself. My husband and I aren't as naive as we seem so we knew there was a pretty good chance they were scheming but we felt we had to give it one more try.

    I am also worried about my easy child son who went out there to stay with them. I haven't heard from him in a long time and his phone doesn't work. I hope he is able to disentangle himself from those two--they'll eat him alive, he such a nice guy.

    So, I am now at a place where I really want nothing to do with difficult child anymore. I can't imagine how she could ever regain my trust, especially as long as she is with boyfriend. And I wouldn't believe her if she said they broke up because I have heard that a number of times and am quite sure it was a lie each time. I do not want to see that poor baby she is having, I do not want to see her or talk to her. I did call and leave a message on boyfriend's phone--wish I had thought things through first but I was mad! I told them we know they were evicted, that I was right about her being up to something. I said I was worried about easy child son and asked for her to have him call me. I should have called all nice and sweet and gotten his phone number from her first before I lit into her; not good thinking on my part.

    So, I feel bad but not for difficult child, only for anyone who has contact with her. I do feel vindicated--my gut feeling was right, something was fishy with her story. I am so glad I told her she could not come here!!

    Thanks for listening,
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jane, it's a hollow victory; I'm sorry you were right. I know I always hated to be proven right when it came to things like this. I hope some day she proves you wrong and becomes the woman she should be.

    Big hugs,
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Sometimes being right doesn't make you feel better.......Sorry your difficult child is still using people, I know your pain.......I also hope easy child has enough sense to run for cover and contacts you........
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Like Suz said, it's a hollow victory. That's how I always feel when my gut is dead on about my difficult child (and it's so scary how much yours and mine are alike, I shudder): "Yeah, I knew my gut wouldn't lie! But Yeesh, this bites." Vindicated, but disgusted as well.

    I hope you hear from easy child soon and also hope that he can disentangle himself from them as well. So sad.

  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sorry it's the same old, same old.
    Hope easy child checks in. It's a worry isn't it?
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so sorry you were right. Sometimes it truly stinks to know our kids so well, doesn't it?

    I do hope you hear from your son soon. Worrying about a child who deliberately makes bad choices is one thing but to to have worry about a child caught in the middle has to be so very frightening.

  7. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Thanks everyone, knew you would understand my feelings! Yes, easy child son is my main worry now, I can let difficult child and boyfriend go, I don't really care to talk to them.

    I wanted to run an idea past you guys as to how I might get the phone number for easy child from difficult child. It's not a very nice idea but might be all I have. The kids' grandfather is being treated for acute myelogenous leukemia. He is in an experimental program that actually has put him in remission and he basically seems to be doing okay right now. The kids' dad died from complications from treatment of his chronic myelogenous leukemia 12 years ago.

    Anyway, I have not told easy child son or difficult child about their grandpa yet, was waiting til it looked like either he was stabilized or was not going to respond to the treatment. Here is my idea: I could call the boyfriend's cell phone and leave a message that the grandpa has leukemia but that I will only talk to easy child son about it. He needs to call me to get the info. I don't really want to "use" their grandpa in this way, makes me feel like a difficult child, but I also really need to hear from son and I don't know how else to do it since I have no phone number for him, only difficult child knows the number. I don't think she will give it to me without coercion.

    What do you think--I feel evil but if I am desperate enough I just might do it.

  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Didn't you mention that he and the boyfriend were going to go out on a fishing boat? Maybe he went even though boyfriend stayed on shore?

    At any rate, I think your plan is legitimate. You have important information to relay and there is no assurance that he will get the news unless you deliver it to him yourself.

    But could it backfire by tipping off difficult child that she has something you want? In other words, would doing the right thing by her brother and desire for more information about grandpa's condition, by themselves, be strong enough to make her give you a number, or might she say "Let me come home first"?
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Are you sure your difficult child and my stepgfg aren't twins?? Man, oh, man!

    Sorry it's the same old, same old routine. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever learn. But I guess they won't as long as they can find someone somewhere to fall for their cons.