difficult child may be headed back to prison...

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you all for the hugs care and prayers.
I have just been depressed the last 2 days. Slept yesterday afternoon and then had a difficult time sleeping last night so I took a Trazadone. Now I'm just groggy.

Don't know what will happen today. Will post more when I know more.

Love,
LMS
 

Ephchap

Active Member
Oh no, T. I was sorry to read this. I thought things were going okay with him. Sigh. Hopefully he doesn't escalate and hit bottom. I'm sure you're beside yourself thinking that he's self-sabotaging and possibly heading back to prison. Sending good thoughts and lots of hugs.

Deb
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
I am doing a little better RE, thank you for asking.
Deb, Yes I do think difficult child is hitting bottom.
DDD, I am trying very hard to let Go.

Kathy,
No, difficult child did not turn himself in yesterday.
difficult child came over last night with daughter in law. He wanted husband to help him out concerning his job but it would appear that it is too late. husband spoke with the man in charge of difficult child's job this morning and they have decided to cut ties with difficult child after only 3 weeks of him working there.
As far as I know, difficult child is still living at his mother in law's.

What I see happening very soon is some kind of dramatic exit.
He has no job and no secure place to live and probably very little money at this point.
I half expect a phone call from daughter in law at a hospital with him sometime soon.

I am continually trying to prayerfully hand young difficult child over to the care of God.
There is nothing left for me to say or do.

LMS
 

Sunlight

Active Member
Tammy:
Your son and his wife should not be on speaker phone with you having to listen to them. He is a grown up. IF she doesn't like what he does, she also must throw him out. In his discouraged state, he says he will turn himself in, but then in the morning, he doesn't feel like that any more. He is trying to get others to continue to help him.

When Ant turned 21, and I think I was still posting frequently on this board at the time..he was on the run with his baby and galpal. They ended up in Reno and she got fed up with his ways and left with the baby. He was drugging and out of control. He called me during the night and I told him happy birthday. He told me that he had just called to tell me goodbye, that he was going to overdose.

I was sick about it but told him good bye and something about him doing whatever he chose. I knew if he chose that route, I could not help it. The next day, he called to ask to come home and send money for a bus ticket. He took that money and said it was stolen from him...I had then called and bought a bus ticket that he had to get to the station to get..no money. He came home and after a wild few days, he went and turned himself in. I was sick about that too, but constables had been at my home looking for him and there was no where to go but straight through the fire.

From time to time, when he gets frustrated he says he is going to quit his job...AND he has done that. I think he has had a couple jobs a year since he got out of prison. Some very very good ones that he walked from...and some not so good. If he wants money, he has to work.

Point is, that his life is his life and mine is mine. I am done with the long nights of worry and I do remember many a long night here on this forum with so many of you holding my hand. Ant was young then and I felt so responsible for him. Now that he is older, I feel no responsibility for him. How can I? Most of the bad decisions he has made, he never asked my advice and I found out after the fact that he had screwed up. I tell him often that he has never taken my advice since...oh....birth. LOL

IF your son wants to tell on himself, the PO still might not turn him in. It is up to the PO. He is not the first client she has had. She is wise to this stuff. More often than not, the PO lets them stay out so they can work. Sitting in prison doesn't pay any fines.

Please don't let yourself get drawn into the chaos again. You threw him out and he cannot come back. That would make you next in line to find drugs in the house. NO...the only answer is for everyone to get on the same page and be hard as nails.

I personally know three dear parents who took their kids in and had them overdose and die after the parent went to bed that night. (One of them is our own dear Lia here). If any of you recall tpcmom from a few years back, (her son Timmy had been murdered) well, her son Joey overdosed and died just this past June and he is gone now. She is distraught and had tried her best to make things turn around for him.

LMS....love your son enough to let natural consequences take over, guilt free. You have done over and above what most parents would do for their kids. You left no stone unturned and your son knows it. He has to get back on the job and make money, and get help for his problem and stick with it.

One text I have from ant...I saved says this:
I'm gonna work harder on being a better father and husband. I know it's on me....I'm the one that causes the problems in my life...and I'm the one that needs to fix it.

Your son knows the same. He has to want it bad enough to change. he has to lose the roof and food his wife and her mom provide. When he is sitting on the curb and gets hungry, he will realize like the prodigal son...that there are people and food waiting...and support. He has to walk the walk first.

hang in there, tammy and be very good to yourself before you are in the hospital from the stress. A heart can only take so much pain. ((HUGS))
 
S

Signorina

Guest
Thank you so much for posting that antsmom. I know you were writing to Tammy, yet your post really spoke to me. I sense my own difficult child is on the cliff's edge and my instinct is to start chasing after him and double checking on him and yet I know I must not. I can sense the peace you've found and it gives me something to work toward. Thank you for sharing your wise words of wisdom.

Tammy, no words of wisdom from me; just lots of love and many hugs. I hope he self corrects and sets a new course...and please have no doubt that you are a wonderful mom.
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
If any of you recall tpcmom from a few years back, (her son Timmy had been murdered) well, her son Joey overdosed and died just this past June and he is gone now.

antsmom, it is good to see you. I didn't know that about tpc's son. I'm so sorry to hear that.

LMS, you know in your heart that you have done everything possible to help your son. It is time to step back and let him fix his own mess. I know how hard it is to do but I am learning that the more I pull back the more my difficult child steps up to the plate.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
antsmom,
Thank you for sharing more of Ant's story with me...My memory is no longer the best and I'm not sure I was here when Ant took off to Reno. His words, his desperation though remind me of my young difficult child.

I am trying very hard to "let go"...and Let God.
Last night I got on my knees and prayed...it's been a long time since I did that. I prayed for a miracle for difficult child and his family.

This morning I got a phone call from him and he was excited. He had gone to a new job interview and it pays well. We shall see if he actually gets the job...of course he is already talking like they've hired him.

Antsmom,
I did not know about TPCmom's son Joey. I am so very sad to read this.
You are right though...and I have been told many times on the board that even at home he could overdose. So all the provision in the world will not save him from his drug use.

I do need to look after my health. In fact, Antsmom, I had a pysychotic breakdown Feb 07. That's when I found out that I had been manic and was finally dxd with Bipolar Disorder. I am on good medication...but lately I have found myself in pain nonetheless.

Yesterday I had another internal sonogram as there is still some kind of mass in my Uterus. We have already done one Biopsy and the results were normal...so not really sure what's going on there.

Oh, and to my surprise, Oldest difficult child called Young difficult child this morning...basically to tell him he better get his act together soon or he would be homeless and without a family. I was glad Oldest showed some care/concern for his brother.

I am trying very hard here to just keep praying and letting God do His work.
This is not up to me any more...He really does need to sink or swim on his own.

And Kathy, I am SO GLAD to hear your daughter is stepping up to the plate and that you have learned how to pull back more. It is very hard to do!

Sig, I used to imagine both of my son's drowning and me being there only hope...compelled to send them a life preserver. But I have discovered that there is a bigger picture and that in reality...they're touching bottom. They are not as desperate as I so often think...they are resourceful and I want to also believe that something good from the way husband and I raised them is also in there at work...compelling them to keep trying, to keep moving forward.
It's not over.

Thank you all for standing by me and also for the prayers offered up for my difficult child and me.
Love,
LMS
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
I also wanted to add my heart felt care to Lia as well.
Losing a child has got to be the hardest pain imaginable.
God be with you both,
LMS
 
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