difficult child moving to San Diego with Aunt.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Some of you may remember that difficult child's father died a year and half ago of throat cancer when she was 13. He had a sister in California. I contacted her about a week ago and she has decided that she wants to try helping me with difficult child. I knew it was a long shot, since we've really not had much contact with her, but I felt obligated to reach out for difficult child and for my health. She's doing well and her husband was in the military and now works locally, her aunt works part-time. They have four adult daughters, 19-22 and one young grandaughter. There will be activity at the house and fun things to do. This will help with her seasonal affect disorder also. She leaves on the 1st or the third not sure which yet. Her sister will not get to see her before she leaves, she will not be returning from the camp that she is working at until the 10th. I pray that difficult child takes this opportunity to go to sunny California and have a new life in a positive way. I would love to be going to the ocean. Maybe I can visit sometime. We'll skype and such, but I am still going to miss her very much. My easy child thinsk she will be going to North Carolina for grad school next year. So we will all be apart. I hope that there is sometime we can all be together again in the same room.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sending prayers and hugs, hoping it works out for you all!!! :)
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Wow! That is absolutely wonderful news. Things are finally looking up! Hugs DDD
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I hope she is excited about this opportunity. Good luck!
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Glad she is going. Hope all goes well.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Well everyone is talking about me. Letting my daughter go across the US to live with people she hardly knows. I can't help that and I am not going to get upset about it. I can't I can't, I can't. Trying to talk myself into it. I am happy for this opportunity for the both of us. I am going to miss my difficult child. When I write that I still know its true, very true, and I think how can I miss someone who is abusive to me, well there are good days, and I will miss the little hugs she gives me or a kiss. Now im going to be alone. Really alone. I've got to do something with myself. I am sitting here getting depressed because I never imagined this is how my life with my children would turn out. I was such a good Mom. Not perfect by any means but a very good mom nonetheless. Im 46 an feel as if I am almost elderly. I have to get out of this rut somehow. I am so emotional right now. The people talking about me, are also the ones who say that fibromyalga isn't real. if she lost weight she wouldn't have so many aches. Not friends for sure, but never knew how they really felt about me. LOL. Ugh why do I care, lol, think think think about what you have been thru and it will help. Lol, now Im having a conversation with myself on a board where other people will see just how nuts I am. lol. I know you guys are my friends though, and don't care what I weigh, how I feel, what I do as far as my own decisions on my life. Thank you, I am glad I can come here.
  7. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    ((Jody))....I know this is hard but hopefully this is a fresh start for difficult child in a new setting. I'm jealous - I'd love to live in San Diego!!
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww Jody, this is a really big change in your life, of course you will feel odd and a bit depressed even, let's face it, we humans don't do change well! Do yourself a big favor and don't believe those people who are talking about you, remember, what they think of you is none of your business!

    You might look at this as the next chapter in your life, the children are on their own adventures, it's time for you to engage in yours. Dump those naysayers, that is part of change, get rid of the dead wood. "As the old life is leaving you may experience a void, but that doesn't have to be depressing, it is a new opening into which you can put anything you want, it's all your choice, it's a whole new beginning. It's natural to grieve as the old lets go, so it's okay to feel the sadness and grief, that's life. Once that dissipates, you may find yourself feeling excited, there are now going to be all new possibilities for you. Perhaps this is the beginning of the end of your parenting years, that has a certain amount of grief and yet it's necessary at some point to let go of that role and discover a new role as a parent, more detached, more involved in our own lives. You made the right choice for you. This is a life transition, you'll get through it. Just give it a little time........

    You are a sweetheart Jody, with a big heart, concentrate on that and don't put any energy into what those others are saying, the only thing that counts is what you believe. Find something to enjoy each day, do something kind for yourself because you deserve that...........find your joy........hugs........
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I have a saying for people like that "thats o.k. I don't expect much from you anyway." It helps remind me that they are idiots who would crumple in a depression so deep they'd not get out of bed for years if they had to deal with what we do on a daily bases.

    You have made a very hard decision for the good of your difficult child and yourself. They have never had to deal with difficult child or your pain.
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Jody, I hope this turns in to a positive experience for you and your daughter. To be honest, I can say I am almost envious that you can find a place for your difficult child and have time to recuperate. My difficult child has no one who would be willing to let her move in. But, luckily, she hasn't become physically abusive so I have not had to get the authorities involved.

    I hope you find activities and friends you like to be around. And until then, go to the library, bet some inspiring books to read, try new recipes, go for walks, listen to music, maybe get a new hair cut or manicure. Take care of yourself. Also, if you aren't already involved in a church, try to find one that is a good fit. Many churches have activities and ways to volunteer to help others - and that is what I find helps me feel better about myself.

  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    You are doing what you think is best for your daughter and for you. Don't let the naysayers get into your head. They have no idea what it's like being the mother of a difficult child, let alone a single mother! At least my husband is here to help some times (not as much as I would like, but I digress). You've been doing this all alone for a long time. If someone is willing to step in and offer some help, you should grab onto that help with both hands!

    Seriously, I would give my eye teeth to have someone take my difficult child off my hands on the really bad days. Take this time and embrace it.

    Does your daughter know she is going to San Diego yet? How did she react to the news? Hopefully, she is excited and happy about the opportunity for a new start.