difficult child on an unexpected home visit. AARRRGGGHH!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by trinityroyal, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I'm just not ready for this, nor in the mood.

    They're having a staffing crisis at difficult child's Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They fired the Site Manager suddenly last week, and 2 other staff quit in the upheaval, so they don't have enough overnight coverage right now while they scramble to find replacements. After exhausting all other possible avenues, husband decided to bring difficult child home until the weekend. Then he goes to his sister's for the weekend, at which time we hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staffing situation will be resolved.

    I knew it might come to this, but was really hoping it wouldn't.

    Little easy child will be safely ensconced with relatives. I don't trust difficult child's stability enough to bring them together yet.

    difficult child will be in a day program during the workday, so THANK GOODNESS I won't have a repeat performance of bringing difficult child to the office with me, but I'm just not prepared to have him home right now.

    I feel guilty, and resentful, and frustrated, and all sorts of other things. I should be happy to have the chance to spend some time with my boy, catch up on his life, blah blah blah. But truly, I just don't want to deal with it right now. I'm dreading going home tonight after work, because difficult child will already be there.

    I feel like a bad mom.:(
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of hugs. You are NOT a bad mom. You are a true warrior mom. but even we WW's get tired of these upheavals and having to scramble to make arrangements for our difficult children. Especially when we thought we had arranged things so this wouldn't happen.

    Please be sure your safety plan is firmly in place in your mind. We are right there with you no matter what, giving tons of support and lots of cyber hugs. Be sure to treat yourself to a soothing cup of tea and a hot bath or whatever helps you unwind.
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    What you have here is stress, and family upheaval, and scrambling to cope with a situation beyond your control, and uncertainty about how long it will last. Not looking forward to this does NOT make you a bad mom!

    {{{hugs}}} Sorry this situation has come up, but it sounds like you and husband are doing everything possible to work with it. Jealously guard the time you need to keep yourself centered, and plan on some soothing rituals each day. I hope all goes smoothly.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Trinity, you are not a bad mom- you are human. Of course you are entitled to feel disappointment and dread and exhaustion.

    I hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) resolves its issues quickly. Hugs to you in the meantime.

  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I understand how you feel. I understand how it feels to dread to go home after work - but then feel guilty because it is your son your dreading. I think it takes a long time to get the trust back and the feeling of not being used. It is a hurtful thing we have to endure and the more hurt we are the harder it is to bounce back. You are just not ready - you need more time to be able to deal with the problems. It is like being sick and not being well enough to go back to work. Does that make sense?
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Thanks everybody! I knew that if anyone would understand it would be this group.

    Last night I went to ground and hid, like a scared little rabbit. husband has the flu and was already in bed when I got home, difficult child was in the t.v. room. I just skulked into the house, straight up to the bedroom (without even taking off my coat or boots), and hid for the rest of the night. Didn't even have dinner. husband got up at midnight to make me a snack, and I didn't come out again until this morning.

    Had a long talk with my therapist this morning, about my dread of being around difficult child, how I hid last night, and the welter of feelings that kept roiling around in my head. He's coming up with a therapy plan to help me work through the PTSD and other junk, and to create new safety plans that will include the babies.

    I think the babies are a big part of it... With Little easy child still dealing with so much emotional fallout from difficult child, I think I'm very worried about how difficult child will react to the new ones.

    Too much stuff in my head!

  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Trinity, I understand the PTSD. It took me years before I'd be alone with Rob. Years. It was a horrible dread, a legitimate fear. I had to be re-conditioned to trust him again from exposure after exposure of times that weren't abusive or violent. It's terrible to feel this way around your child but it is what it is. Please be gentle with yourself.