Without getting into too long of a story, difficult child finally called me today from psychiatric hospital after not wanting to speak to me, having so much anger against me and telling the doctors what a horrible, horrible mother I am. Which you know what, I was not a great mom, it was out of my control. I wish I could have been better and given my child what she truly deserved, peace, stability, no chaos or dysfunction, a happy home and an emotionally stable mother, but unfortunately being a young single broken mom with lots of issues myself, I could not. She has witnessed too many things and been through too many things. I get why she is so angry with me and life in general, I just WISH she knew that if I had the money, a good father figure for her, stability, emotional health and all of that, I would have GIVEN it to her in a heart beat. It's not like I purposely withheld all of that. I tried so desperately hard for so many years, killed myself trying, to give all of this to her, what she deserved, only to come to reality, it was never, ever going to happen. No matter how hard I worked, we were never going to get ahead. I could not do it all by myself, and that my friends, was the bottom line. I never did drugs or party or drink. I was not a thief or a scoundrel. I tried so HARD to achieve my dream for her and I, but I failed. I also simply had very bad luck. I don't expect her to understand it, she's too young, but I hope one day that she does. I just wish I had one of those kids who understand their mothers hard time and are sweet and gentle with them in spite of everything. I know kids like this, I've met them through out my life. The kids that no matter how f***** up their parents are, they love, respect and cherish them. You know those kids right? Man, those parents are so very lucky. Those parents who purposely do bad and wrong things, get all the love from their kids, and then there is me, the one who tried her very best, but failed, and I get all the hate and anger. Anyway, back to my point, difficult child finally called me. She was in a better mood, however, this is what confuses me. At the drop of a hat, she will change her mood drastically. She asked if any of her friends called her and then she asked about this guy, this guy who I thought was out of her life, this guy who is a PIECE OF UTTER DIRT SH*T!!!! She had the nerve to ask me about him. She said "Did John call you?" No, why the hell would John call me?? I think it's because she has been telling him all of our problems and maybe she half expected him to call me being as though she disappeared. I dare that piece of to call me. PLEASE, let HIM call ME. I am half temped to call my brother and let him get him but I worry about consequences. This might make this kid worse off to my daughter who will in the end, see him regardless. How should I have handled that phone call? I told her yes her friends did call and no, john did not call. I wanted to say "are you stuck on STUPID??? This is what your worried about????'" It makes me so damn mad man. It's back to square one. I am tired of being used and only being nice to what she wants something. It just shows how little respect she has for me. If her psychiatrist calls me again, I want to talk to her about this. Thanks for letting me vent.