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difficult child psychiatric hospital update
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 637857" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Oh boy. First, take a DEEP BREATH -- right now .. in, out. OK? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Second, reassure yourself that you did the best you could raising her,and all your decisions were made with her best interests at heart, with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. I was a single mom too, raised two difficult children by myself .. and I absolutely know the guilt trip you're getting right now. Been there, and know that feeling that nothing you ever did, or ever will do, is ever good enough for her. Because of that, please know that you do NOT need to defend any of your choices to her -- and don't buy into the guilt trip/pity party. Even if you did make some mistakes (and we all do), she's an adult now, and what she does with her life now is up to her. She can't lay her *current* choices at your feet, no matter what you did or did not do in the past .. she's making life choices for herself now. I used to say, "well, if I screwed you up so badly, I'm certainly glad you're getting help now!" (or, "hope you'll get help," as the case may be). </p><p></p><p>Third, it's really really hard, but try not to worry about what she's telling people. I know how much this used to drive me nuts ... I just knew my girls were weaving all sorts of crazy stories about what a horrible mom I was, and I was SO worried the counselors (or other well-meaning adults) would believe them, and I wanted desperately to jump in and tell them MY side of the story .. but in the end, it doesn't matter. It's out of your control. YOU know the truth, and those who matter know too. And eventually, people stop believing them.</p><p></p><p>I'd try as best you can to stay out of the friend drama. As tempting as it is to tell her she's an idiot (been there done that, too), know that it will fall on deaf ears. I used to beg my youngest to stop dating this loser/abuser guy - but the more I told her what a loser he was, the more I pushed her towards him. Heck I even moved out of the neighborhood to get away from him. Didn't matter. She had to figure it out in her own time. When she asks, just give simple answers -- yes, no. Don't add any judgment, opinion or commentary. Stay as detached as you can.</p><p></p><p>I can't remember if you're seeing a counselor for yourself (and forgive me if you've already answered this) but I strongly urge you to find one if you can. I honestly don't think I could have made it through the toughest years without the help of mine. If it's a matter of cost, check into free support groups through NAMI or other organizations.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 637857, member: 1157"] Oh boy. First, take a DEEP BREATH -- right now .. in, out. OK? :) Second, reassure yourself that you did the best you could raising her,and all your decisions were made with her best interests at heart, with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. I was a single mom too, raised two difficult children by myself .. and I absolutely know the guilt trip you're getting right now. Been there, and know that feeling that nothing you ever did, or ever will do, is ever good enough for her. Because of that, please know that you do NOT need to defend any of your choices to her -- and don't buy into the guilt trip/pity party. Even if you did make some mistakes (and we all do), she's an adult now, and what she does with her life now is up to her. She can't lay her *current* choices at your feet, no matter what you did or did not do in the past .. she's making life choices for herself now. I used to say, "well, if I screwed you up so badly, I'm certainly glad you're getting help now!" (or, "hope you'll get help," as the case may be). Third, it's really really hard, but try not to worry about what she's telling people. I know how much this used to drive me nuts ... I just knew my girls were weaving all sorts of crazy stories about what a horrible mom I was, and I was SO worried the counselors (or other well-meaning adults) would believe them, and I wanted desperately to jump in and tell them MY side of the story .. but in the end, it doesn't matter. It's out of your control. YOU know the truth, and those who matter know too. And eventually, people stop believing them. I'd try as best you can to stay out of the friend drama. As tempting as it is to tell her she's an idiot (been there done that, too), know that it will fall on deaf ears. I used to beg my youngest to stop dating this loser/abuser guy - but the more I told her what a loser he was, the more I pushed her towards him. Heck I even moved out of the neighborhood to get away from him. Didn't matter. She had to figure it out in her own time. When she asks, just give simple answers -- yes, no. Don't add any judgment, opinion or commentary. Stay as detached as you can. I can't remember if you're seeing a counselor for yourself (and forgive me if you've already answered this) but I strongly urge you to find one if you can. I honestly don't think I could have made it through the toughest years without the help of mine. If it's a matter of cost, check into free support groups through NAMI or other organizations. Hang in there! [/QUOTE]
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