difficult child - puberty and update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Sep 2, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    All know I have been worried about difficult child because he hasn't hit puberty, and he was in high school. His pediatrician wanted him to see an endocronoligist (sp??) last year. But since the only one around that takes kids is at Children's Hospital an hour away....and the fact that he refuses to get naked ..I didn't do it. He is 14, sophomore this year. Voice hasn't changed, but is sounding a bit funny.

    Now the good part about difficult child is that he is funny. Hilarious..Once people (staff) get to know him they all like him. He has such beautiful eyes, and is funny. Self consciouse about his hight and weight.

    In the past month he has grown 3.5 inches. He decided to become a vegetarian,,,Lost a lot of weight. His feet grew from size 8.5 to size 10. He is sporting a very dark fuzzy thing (hahaha) above his lip. He is developing BO...

    He has a girlfriend. In the past it was just hanging out, doing things and a kiss now and then. (Even though he made it sound like he was doing much more)

    I worked last Wednesday through Midnight Sunday. He went to his girlfriends on Saturday, then to a movie Saturday night. husband drove. Monday, I decided to wake him up early since school started the next day. I turned on his light, rolled him over and OMG....this HUGE, discusting Hickey. He just laughed it off. I gave him a day long lecture. As did easy child. He then comes out of his room and says "check this out" He hands me a condom!!!!!!!! I am freaking out. I asked him where he got it. He said he bought it, and they are expensive. I told him he does not need it, that I am going to rig up a contraption that goes around his waist, through is legs and attaches back to his waist. He just laughed. I told him Hickeys lead to babies. He laughed and asked how. I explained about kissing, and such lead to other things. And I told him if he did that to his girlfriend he will never be allowed to see her.

    Then told husband he is not a very observant parent. He had a hickey for 2 days and he never even saw it.

    Next item.

    I stopped at school on Monday to pick up his schedule. I had changed a few things. I talked to one of the teachers whom difficult child spent a lot of time with last year. They get along very well. She looked at his schedule and said it looked good. He should do well. Then introduced me to the Honors English teacher. (they all know difficult child because school is so small. He just didn't have this other lady as a teacher last year) One was joking about difficult child and we were laughing. I told her that difficult child has difficulty writing, therefore doesn't like it. English teacher said, "That will be a problem since this is Honors English". Remember, very small school. 75 kids per GRADE. Teacher asked if he had a laptop. I hesitated and said yes. (I DO) She said he needs to bring the laptop daily. (he did this a few times last year. Many students do this) iT worked out well for him taking notes and doing work. Only he is not responsible. Loses everything. I told him about it and he asked if HE can buy one.

    Ok, he had money from last Christmas he didn't spend. (money his grandma left for him when she died)...well, she left it to me. I gave each of the boys a good amount from Grandma. We went out and bought a laptop. $499. 4 gig memory. 350 harddrive. Web cam.
    He bought the computer. I purchased a three year warrantee that covers, heat, humidity, dirt, dust and any kind of breakage. He can spill on it, sit on it, drop it, crack it and it is covered for 3 years. So it is guaranteed to run for the next 3 years as long as he doesn't lose it.

    All tables/desks have outlets for the kids who bring laptops.

    The warrantee was $279!!!! But the power supply on my laptop broke. It pushed in. It cost $160 just to have that fixed. So I think it is well worth it.


    I believe I mentioned he got glasses. OMG - He really couldn't see. He got every letter wrong on the test. He picked out dark plastic frames. Everyone wears that type now. But I don't like it. He has dark brown eyes with thick dark lashes. So pretty.

    So with his glasses, BIG feet and laptop....just looks studious. haha

    husband has really stepped up. For 14 years I was the one to handle everything. I would fight with him, school....everything while husband thought he could do no wrong. WOW - husband completely did a 360.

    He doesn't put up with no ****. If difficult child asks why, husband says "because I said so". No explanation. Makes him do chores. Jumped on the homework issue. (difficult child and I got into an argument on the way to school the first day. I told him NO texting during school. He flipped out and was screaming at me, then got in that "mood". I lightened up the mood a bit on a different subjuect since it was the first day) husband jumped on him last night and said plain and simple. ONE text=NO phone. difficult child doesn't argue with him (only me). But difficult child told me today that dad is becoming a P****.

    AND husband told easy child that he will give me money. I have paid his loan and cell phone bill for ONE year this month. He was unemployed. He has been working about 2 months now and hasn't given me a dime. husband laid it out to him. (job is just temporary) enough is enough. He is 26.

    It seems like husband is really being strict. Not use to that. But I am SO glad he is. Dr. put him on an antidepressant (for pain) a few months ago. He has changed so much for the better. Don't think we argue at all. He doesn't work a lot. No work. And when he is home, we have a good day. He is working on the house (15 years after I nagged him every year) He did the garage, now is painting the house. So good too. Every little thing. Before he would do a half *ss job. I would go behind and fix what he didn't. Only one side left. That would be the front.

    In the past 8 months we redid our bathroom. New carpet. New windows($$$$$), repaired and painted the garage(rotten)...Oh yeah. NEW DOORS. Now we need new furniture, but that will have to wait. Don't know if I have a job. Will find out in the next few weeks if it will be outsourced or not.

    Sorry so long. Sorry the fonts changed. I hit something and it changed and I don't know how to put it back.

    Just wanted to update. Have a wonderful day.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds like everyone has gotten on a roll for the better- like a domino effect! I'd watch difficult child with the condoms though- that could really set back a lot of things he (and you) have worked for, not to mention what happens if they break or don't get used once.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Things sound much more improved.

    I hear you on the reaction to the sexual awakening stuff - but although it's good to joke around about it, being overly rigid is not going to stop him from having sex if a girl is willing and encouraging. He will simply do it without referring to you or letting you know - which can put the kid at greater risk.

    We raised our kids to be churchgoing, law-abiding, chaste and modest. But we quickly realised that chastity belts are illegal, our kids will take on board the upbringing we give them TO A POINT then go their own way. All we can do is hope we had time to instil in them, enough moral values.

    So rather thwn "ban sex" (because you can't, kids have free will and are determined to exercise it regularly) I took my kids condom shopping (loudly and enthusiastically). ANd as soon as I discovered my girls were sexually active, I made them go to the doctor for ALL the related sexual health talks and checkups. Regularly. And a good thing too - easy child developed a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) (because she didn't let me know she was plpanning to have sex, so I didn't get to tell her how to prevent UTIs, so on the LOOONG drive in the middle of the night to the hospital, I explained the whole picture and told her she was a twit for not telling me so I could help her. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 - because I rapidly got her to the doctor (and with both girls, got thme on oral contraceptives) she has begun having Pap smears which found an abnormality now currently being monitored by a specialist.

    difficult child 1 - we taught him about moral sexual responsibility and how HE has to recognise that sex is far more emotionally important for the girl and not to be treated lightly. Actually, we had the similar talk with easy child 2/difficult child 2 because she is one girl who would unwittingly hurt a guy purely because she's such a knockout, so sensuous and such a handful, than a bloke getting smitten with her, and her wanting to move on - that guy would be devastated. And despite our warnings, it still happened and it was nasty for a while.

    There is a lot more of concern to awakening teenage sexuality, than contraception. The moral/social side of things is a bigger concern and I mean "moral" and "social" from a modern teen perspective.

    Us old fuddy-duddies - society has moved on. Now it's the done thing for kids to have sex casually, so casually that a lot of the things WE call sex, they don't (wrong). And they get badly hurt.

    Welcome his girlfriend, make sure you get to meet her. Remember - YOU love your son, so you have that in common with his girlfriend.