difficult child quit her job tonight.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Jul 6, 2012.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Because the manager plays computer games in her office and does not work. Because the manager didn't pitch in today and help when they were busy. Because the manager gaver her too much to do andyelled when it wasn't done. Because the manager said something inapproriate in her presence.

    I said very little, but did point out that there are steps one can take when a manager is inapproriate. It wasn't sexual, but could be considered harrassment. I let it go at that. Can't do a thing about it.

    So now she has no job. She was fired from her last one for stealing (she claims it was a "misunderstanding". Laid off from the one before due to the fact that it was seasonal QUIT the one before that with no notice to take the seasonal job.

    She is (was) on a cellphone plan with her x/boyfriend. The phone supposedly was being turned off today. I didn't ask about the phone, but I know it's still working. Prior to going on his plan, she was ona family plan with DEX and I. She had to pay $10 permonth for her phone. God only knows why she thought going on his was a good idea. Meanwhile, the family plan is no more and I will not be adding her to mine.

    She goes to the therapist on Monday (than GOD for this). When she gets home, she will begin painting the fence and deck railing. She will get up every day at 9:00 and work around here until 5. One hour for lunch and reasonable time off for actual job hunting.

    She will do this for the privilege of living here and not for pay. The big pizza chain is going to look pretty good in the rear view mirror.

    I've got a feeling it's not going to be very pleasant around here.

  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh man. My sister was like that when she was young, everyone was a jerk, she eye rolled a zillion times a day if you said anything to her, no problem solving or anything. I about died the other day when she was talking about someone at work who sent a nasty email to her like no one else could see it, she went on and on about how at work you just act as if a camera and recorder was on you at all times, be professional and never worry about what others are doing. My how things changed....(she is of course now a 35 year old single mother to two so not the impulsive and entitled young eye rolling adult from the past)...

    It was exhausting just being around it and I was not even her parent, I could walk away with no worries. I'm sorry this happened even if you are good at setting limits it must be hard not to feel a little bummed it went down like this. I hope she gets it together and finds another job soon. Smart plan not adding her to the phone again, she is old enough to get a pre paid plan if she wants a phone.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry Dash, that has to feel bad. I like your plan to have her work 7 hours a day, that's perfect!! And, you can get a lot of stuff done around the house as well. Lots of hugs to you too..............
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thanks to both of you. Your support means the world to me (and you too, Nancy ...who happened to be texting me in the middle of this!).

    I went to a Families Anonymous meeting last night .... boy was that ever good timing.

    The work around the house thing was in place when she lived with me before and was unemployed. It does work in that it keeps her busy, provides much-needed structure and helps me with this big house and yard ... BUT it is absolutely exhausting for me.

    I will say this in her favor...after I listened, employing the famous bobble-head technique - to her diabribe and offered the few words about going through proper HR channels, she said "I don't expect you to validate my reasons. I know you don't agree.". Hey - it's something. it's a glimmer of self-awareness and I will take every scrap tossed my way.

    In the meantime (I think Marilyn Monroe said this in Some Like it Hot) Hang on. We're in for a bumpy ride....

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I will let you know this is fairly normal and they do learn from these things. I dont know if you watch Mystery Diner on the Food Network or not but maybe this should be something you take a gander at one night when she is home. I wouldnt make a big deal about lecturing her during the show but maybe she will get the message as she watches it. But now, whats done is done.

    What kind of stuff does she like to do? Does she have a diploma or GED? Can she pass a drug test? If so, have her go apply at Radio Shack. I dont even think they do the drug test to be honest. Isnt your daughter fairly pretty? Is she capable of learning pretty quick on her feet? If so, she could probably learn to sell cell phones easily. That would also solve her cell phone issue because she could get an employee plan.

    Ohio...thinking...how about applying at Hall of Fame? Or somewhere on the board walk? Sometimes our kids need out of the box thinking. She is still very young. Maybe she really needs to think out of the box and consider the military. We are pulling out of the wars and she could pick a field that would not be dealing with that end of things. The only branch where everyone is taught to fight is the Marines so she could pick something like the Army and be trained for payroll, secretary, or a ton of other things. Just check out all the other fields of training. It might be something she really enjoys and gets her out of her local situation where she is stuck doing nothing good.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They truly are separated at birth, they have to be related somewhere in their past. Our difficult child's think they are on the same level with their employers. They forget that the employer has the final say and they are just the worker bee. For mine I think it goes back to her lack of respect for authority. She thinks she should be able to be "friends" with everyone including the one who signs her paycheck and that friendship should mean she can do whatever she wants. She had an answer for everything and always has a reason why it was the bosses fault. My difficult child just quit her one decent job serving at one of the very nice hotels downtown because "everyone was mean to each other". Translation "they didn't like the fact that I came in late, left early, joked around with the customers, flirted with the men, smoked pot on my break, sneaked drinks of alcohol from leftover glasses, got my orders wrong, thought everyone should think I'm just the cutest, funniest person ever, and didn't like that every other word out of my mouth was a swear word.

    I hope she steps up and works hard for the roof over her head and figures out what she needs to do to keep a job. And then send her over here to teach mine.

  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash, I'll never understand the difficult child mindset when it comes to jobs. I'm amazed that you can get your difficult child to work around the house. It was (and still) is a battle for me. My difficult child uses every avoidance technique known to man and it is usually just not worth the fight to me.

    Nancy, I didn't know your difficult child quit that latest job. What in the world was she thinking? Is she working at all?

    There's a saying in the south . . . "They ain't right" . . .pronounced "They ain't riiiight." I think it was invented for our difficult children.

  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh, make no mistake: getting her to work is a BATTLE. It takes her hours to do the simplest thing (unless, for some weird reason, son wants to do it). Everything has to be accompanied by loud music blaring AND there are thousands of attention seeking moments that simply drive me up a wall. Example: she is to empty the dishwasher or the dishdrainer daily (this is when she was working ...it was her sole responsbility to be done daily). The ipod dock (mine) is in the kitchen. She plays it - changes songs 20 times, graps glasses and forks for microphones, finds me wherever I am and sings and dances in my face. Total unloading time for Dash: 5 minutes, difficult child: 20 minutes. As long as she is being pleasant, I try to ignore it but it does secretly drive me mad.

    When she paints next week, there will be loud music, there will be constant coming in to ge water, show me her tan, sing in my face, ask me to come look at her work .... This, she does quite intentionally in hopes that I'll give up and just do it myself. Not going to happen.

    but, yes, after much effort, she will work.

    Nancy, I really can't believe she quit that job. If she'd hung in there,she might have gotten a banquet job or gotten on the lunch or dinner shift.

    What in the world are they thinking?
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy and Dash I can't believe it either. She was going to get benefits in another month and yes she would be able to work banquets and weddings. It's on Playhouse Square Dash so you know the tips would have been good. She didn't tell me she quit, she told easy child in a text the other day. I doubt whether she quit, it's more likely that she got fired. She working at a bar/restaurant in the flats as a hostess, minimum wage and not many hours. She also told easy child she got a bartending job at a pub near her and made $10 in tips after a whole night of working. That won't pay the bills but it will allow her to drink at will.

  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Hopefully he finds a new job quickly. But not too quickly so you get your paint job done first.

    It really amazes me how difficult children just leave a job without second thought. I'm security seeking person and changing jobs even with next one lined up has always been difficult for me emotionally. So I'm even little bit envious, when someone just decides that job blows and they just quit and believe that something will come up and save their behinds.

    If you want to look anything positive about this, I think it could be that these are things she will learn from. She will learn new skills from every job and I believe there is no such thing that skill that doesn't be useful ever. Both job skills and other skills she will pick from changing temp jobs may serve her well later. She will also learn, that no job is perfect and that somehow she has to handle difficult workplace situations and personal relationships. It may take time, but she will learn. Of course sticking it out is also a skill and very useful one. And the one she doesn't master (yet.) But still, she will learn, but of course it is important that she will continue working, even if her jobs will change every few months.