difficult child ranaway

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvty, Feb 18, 2008.

  1. luvty

    luvty Luvty

    The 16-year old difficult child we have custody of, has runaway. He left Friday afternoon and has not been back since. He received in-school suspension for 3 days on Thursday for getting in a cussing match with another kid. We told him on Thursday that he was grounded until he got out of ISS. He did not get loud, did not yell, he went to his room. We thought everything was OK. About an hour later my husband realized he was gone. He came home at midnight that night. On Friday, he missed the bus but we drove him to school. He had a doctors appointment (he recently had surgery) but left right when we were supposed to leave fir the doctors. He has not been back since. He is refusing to talk to us and the only reason he will give to anyone is that we blame him for everything. We have reported it to the police, but they have not found him. We have been driving around for 4 days, getting little to no sleep waiting to see if would come home.

    Right now we are at the angry point. If we were allowed at any point in the last 6 months to get him counseling, this probably would not have happened. Now we are being blamed for it happening.

    It has been a long 4 days of worrying, and I am not sure how much longer I can do this, with the 2 other kids and I of course have to get Bronchitis now. I just feel like he just needs to stop and realize what he is doing. I just hope he comes back soon.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    It is such a worry when they are missing. Most difficult children seem to be very resourceful and tend to do just fine while on the run. Most end up having been with a family that was told just how rotten the people he was running from are. It does not matter if they are the bioparents or not - they are good at telling the sob stories. Good at getting people to feel sorry for them.

    I hope he comes back soon. You and husband should discuss what it is you will do when he returns. It is good to be prepared. Have a couple options and give him a choice. Both choices should have their negative aspects. He does have to have a consequence. Especially because he has to learn the worry it causes - AND - the danger he can get himself into.

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Praying he is found soon. Gentle hugs.
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh good heavens.... I'm so sorry to hear this. There is not much that is more terrifying than a kid who's gone AWOL. I've always alternating between wanting to shake him senseless versus hug him and never let go. It's just torture. It infuriates me that they have no idea of the trauma they cause by bolting.

    Please, I know it's hard, but try to take care of yourself. You and your family are in my thoughts - I hope he's found quickly and that you are allowed to get him the services he needs. A gentle hug to you.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am sorry you are going through this and I totally understand your anger. My difficult child ran away a couple of times and he told wild stories to gain sympathy so people would take him in. He ruined my reputation in the neighborhood and almost destroyed his father's career. He didn't know that that would happen and what it would do to us but he did iknow how worried we would be. And I think he like that idea. These kids are masters of manipulation and I think I would be cautious at showing them a weakness such as worrying when they run. Just let him know that it is unacceptable, it has consequences, and that you are angry at the disrespectful way he conducted himself and all the fall out is all HIS fault. -RM
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    At 16 kids, difficult child's in particular, think they have all the wisdom of the ages.

    Sending warm ((((hugs)))) and saying a prayer for his quick and safe return.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Did you contact the school? Kids will show up at school and go to the easy class, or lunch.

    I'm so sorry. been there done that. It sent me over the edge.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm so sorry to hear that.

    my thoughts are with you i'm sorry you have to go through this. especially with the two other ones sick ontop of it. sheesh

    keep us posted let us know if he comes home

  9. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    So sorry that difficult child has run off and hope that he at least contacts you soon.:sad-very:
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It is really scary to have them take off. BUT he is most likely in a friend's house, or at the home of someone he can BS into thinking you are abusing him. So while you are driving around, he is safe, enjoying himself, and will come home when he "feels" like it.

    It really stinks. Many of our members have been through this. My difficult child tried it once, because he was afraid my mom would die from surgery. And he had some other stuff going on. I went to his fave gaming place and just walked in and told him to come iwth me. It DID work out, but was tough. And life pretty well stunk after that for a few weeks (In HIS life).

    I hope he is found soon. Take care of the rest of you. I will keep you in my prayers.