difficult child refuses to go to Opening Night (baseball) and the school dance Friday night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am assuming he thinks he can stay home and play XBox all night, under the guise of having anxiety issues.
    Stay tuned.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    He needs a coach that's got a brain like DF's difficult child's boss...
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I wonder if maybe he would prefer to go swimming (if he hates it and you like it) or maybe to scrub the grout in the bathroom? after all, isn't that what you planned for him to do before the dance and opening night were scheduled?

    sorry, that was snarky. My mom used to do that. Plus if we were "too sick", and that included anxiety, then we were CLEARLY unable to do any other fun things. soemtiems she even took away the BOOKS we liked and gave us one of her old textbooks, like her english lit one, because it was more 'soothing' and less 'stimulating'. After all, if you are sick then you need rest, NOT stimulation. Or you are being mean to your teammates/classmates and then you should contribute to the family in some way to make it up.
  4. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    LOL, haven't read much about this, but I am guessing you think he's faking it? I mean the anxiety surrounding this?
    There was a school dance at my Grade 8's daughter school and she didn't want to go, no anxiety about it, just didn't want "horny" Grade 8 boys touching her bum, lol...had to laugh at that one....
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Lonely, i totally understand your daughter. the way she said it made me sort of chuckle, but not the sentiment. my daughter was pinched and groped in the halls in gr 6 and it was not funny at all, esp as her school refused to do anythng about it, not even to have teachers monitor the hallways. made us sick.
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    If your difficult child is on the baseball team, then he has no choice, he has to go! His team mates are depending on him! If he says his anxiety level is too high (and you're sure he is lying) and refuses to play, then he shouldn't be on the team. However, I would let him know that his X Box isn't going to be his constant companion. Maybe once he learns that his X Box time is going to be limited, he'll suddenly begin to feel much better, even be able to play ball, lol... difficult child 1 used to use similar tactics with us. We had to remove his computer from his room once he used up the allotted time. If up to him, he would have been on it 24/7, leaving it only when he had to use the bathroom so badly that he was doing the pull-ups "potty" dance.

    As far as the school dance, I wouldn't force the issue. If this is an activity he usually enjoys, then maybe there is something bothering him. The teen years are such a tough time socially even for TTs. If at all possible, try talking with him about his feelings. Even if you get nowhere, you can let him know that the X Box will not be used as a substitute for social interaction. difficult child 1's psychiatrist used to tell difficult child 1 and us, that difficult child 1's computer was his "girlfriend." He used to say this in such a joking manner, that it even got difficult child 1 to smile (tried to hide it though!)

    Keeping my fingers crossed there are no major explosions in your house over this... SFR
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ewww, no groping that I'm aware of.

    difficult child does have anxiety issues. But they hit when he least expects it. So just because he had issues last yr, he assumes he will this year. I told him he's a year older, and is on new medication. He didn't like that answer.
    We meet with-the psychiatrist tonight, assuming that the blood draw results came back, to find out if his blood levels for Abilify are good. We can get the psychiatrist to talk to difficult child about it.

    Not so sure about the school dance. Turns out he had two girlfriends ... which I don't understand ... he was on the phone until 11 last night, crying, apparently breaking up with one of them--the one we like, of course--and I could not get him off. After the lights were off, he just went under his blanket. Getting the phone away would have been WWIII so I will just take away game time today instead.
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm glad your difficult child has a psychiatrist appointment tonight - The timing couldn't be better! Hope his blood levels are good. difficult child 1's behavior improved once his psychiatrist put him on Abilify. If I remember correctly, the dosage for the Abilify was increased very slowly. It took awhile for us to see any positive changes, but once we did, the changes were amazing. Keeping my fingers crossed it helps your difficult child too.

    LOL, about him breaking up with the girlfriend you like! It's always the way... SFR
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    The school dance? I would let that slide. Alot of difficult children can't handle a situation like that and it's not something that I think he should be made to go to. Are all of his friends going to the dance? Maybe he could have a few friends over for pizza that night instead, or maybe you could do something special with him.

    My difficult child always gave us a hassle about going to the basball opening ceremonies, too, but we always made him go. Ours were in the morning and the kids had to be there by 7:45! It was no fun for us, either, but we told him that he was part of the team and he had to go. Usually, he was not happy about it, but he went.

    Good luck!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Chalk me up as one who thinks it is unnecessary and maybe not even desirable to force a kid to go to a school dance. To me, that's a great big who cares. A lot of boys (and some girls) don't really think dances are fun or get nervous. To be honest, I don't even know why schools push these dances...I don't really think they are necessary. JMO

    I also know that my Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) son gets very nervous before any performances in front of a crowd, even if he is in the choir and there are thirty other kids on stage with him. He really sweats it. It's up to you if you force him to play baseball or not, but I do believe he is extremely nervous about it. I know how Sonic gets...Sonic is not faking it. Sometimes, however, Sonic needs a push and he's ok. Sometimes it's not ok when we push him. We sort of play it by ear.

    Good luck with figuring all this out!
  11. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I agree with susiestar, tell him if he can't handle the opening night, he is too ill to do the xbox. I don't have anxiety, maybe there are more people there on opening night? I know that's important to go to, so carefully keep talking to him trying to convince him and think of "fun ways" to get him to go. I agree with others, no worries on the dance. Good luck to both of you!
  12. keista

    keista New Member

    I think he should go to opening night but get a pass on the dance. Would that be a compromise?

    I was just talking a neurotypical 17y/o into going to her prom this year. She doesn't dance so has no interest in going to "the dance". I'm horrible, I laughed at her. Told her that if she has good friends at the school and a nice social circle, and they are trying to get her to go that she should. It's a social party and the actual dancing is optional. She started considering it.

    Anyway, for your difficult child? I don't find the dance as a necessary
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Q's school would not even use the word dance anymore because it caused so much anxiety in kids. They had parties and always have teen age sized blow up jumpies and games (air hockey, table tennis, etc) and things like that. They had two teachers who love music dj that part but again they did games, tossed out beads and prizes etc. so there was always a lot of group dances but it was just a small part of the party. Food and drink was included so long lines for pizza and treats always. (I always volunteered). Oh, basket ball and open gym too.... I kind of liked that.

    Let us know what happens, I am curious what is really the bottom of all of this.... between the anxiety, wanting to play his game, the history, the girl issue, etc... could be lots of things. Would be nice if he just did what was planned, right? No such thing in our lives.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I went to a lot of church dances and school dances.

    I was not "pretty". I had braces and glasses and poodle curly hair. I went to hang out with my friends...

    Proms, I went with my boyfriend. Maybe 2 dances? Maybe? I really don't remember! But mostly I hung out near the food, and we sat at the table and talked.

    SO... Dance? Not necessary. Opening? If he is on the team and wants to stay that way, he goes. If not, buh-bye Xbox...
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, as it turns out, the seniors (14 and 15-yr-olds) don't have to go to opening ceremonies. It's mostly for the little kids in Little League.

    The psychiatrist is cutting back the Abilify to 2.5 because we do not see any difference between the two doses. But the blood tests came back elevated for cholesterol and liver enzymes. Sigh. So 2.5 it is.

    He does not want to go to the school dance. It's not the main dance, anyway, for his class. The 8th graders are more interested in the dance in June. I am on the decorating committee and told him that he has to help me decorate, regardless whether he goes to the dance. He just grunted. :)

    I don't know what he's going to do tonight, but he was such a brat yesterday that I don't think I'm giving him the TV cord for several hrs until he does a kazillion chores. Yesterday he refused to put his clothes on and do anything outside (once he gets home, he immediately strips to his boxers). He loudly said he was not going to the psychiatrist. So I told him that since he refused to take a shower and go to the dr, I would take away the XBox, TV cord and phone and he had 30 seconds to comply. You've never seen anyone leap up out of a chair so fast!!!

    I was not in the mood to laugh but now it's kind of amusing.
  16. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Good for you for making him at least do his chores and help you decorate! Good luck :) Good way of doing it, I have to do the same with my kids.