Last night difficult child had the worst melt down I have ever experienced! It was really upsetting. It all started because he was 30 minutes late coming home. He would not accept responsibility and accept that he had done anything wrong. He would make every excuse in the book about why he was late rather than just say "Hey....sorry...I screwed up and lost track of time." At this point nothing out of the usual happened but at some point he started saying "Well I just stop caring about you....I hate you...etc". Which is also not out of the ordinary. I was out of his room when he was saying these things and when I walked back in his room he was holding his hands under his chin with 2 fingers pressed up aganist the under side of his chin (like a gun). He put his hand down when I walked in and I asked him what he was doing. He said "What I have been wanting to do for a long time" and then he placed his fingers back up to his chin but this time he added the action of pulling the trigger! I immediately said "I'm calling" and walked out of the room to get my phone. (He knew that I meant that I was calling 911 because a couple of weeks ago at school there was this big incidence where he got mad at his teachers and drew pictures of stick people committing suicide and I almost took him to the hospital then.) He really lost it then. He began raging....he was screaming and hitting his furniture and I don't know what else because I did not go back in the room while he was raging. My husband was on duty at the fire station so I called him instead becuase I just couldn't bring myself to call the cops and I didn't know what else to do! While all this was going on my easy child was downstairs hiding in a corner behind the couch and crying....sobbing! Long story short his dad was able to calm him down after about 20 minutes on the phone and I was able to get my easy child calmed down. It was a mess and we have never seen him "loose it" like that. I could not (can not) get the vision out of my head of him putting his fingers under his chin like a gun! When all the dust settled he apologized to me and his brother. He didn't want to talk about it later and I asked him how will he learn from it if we don't talk about it. He said "I did learn from it." I asked "What'd you learn?". He said "I learned that I can loose control sometimes." (I would have thought that he already knew that by now!). I asked him about the suicide gesture and he said that he would never do it. I asked him well then why do you suggest it sometimes and he said...in all his wisdom ...."To get your attention...to make you listen to me". This is something that I truly feel is true but my fear is that one time he will do it and mean it and how will I know it. I explained that to him and told him that if he continues to do it that he will end up in the hospital. I can't under react to this anymore. If it ever does come to that I don't know how he will handle it and that scares me also....but I have to protect him...even from himself...even if it means that he will hate me.