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difficult child sent me an email....
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 76516" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>I agree with everyone, but I really like Fran's suggestions of asking her how you would better be able to show her that you care. I once did that with difficult child (after a heated argument...). I said, "Okay, so you don't think that I care about you when you're sad or angry or depressed. What can I do that would prove to you that I DO care?" and difficult child stomped away and said - "Forget it mom, you just don't get it!!!!" She was 15 by that time, so I don't know if the age difference will make your daughter's response vary much. But the point is that she will likely have a hard time coming up with anything to suggest. She is the one with this empty space in her for whatever reason and it's very possibly that what smallworld said is also part of what's going on. Perhaps your daughter is not picking up on the body language you're sending out. OR, perhaps she is only seeing it when you're interacting with your son, but not with her. Again, something to work in with her therapist. </p><p></p><p>The ways in which WE express love are often the ways in which we would like to have love expressed to us. However, the persons we are expressing our love to [in the way we want it] are very often not the ways in which they expect, want or see it.</p><p></p><p>I recently read this book titled, "His Needs, Her Needs". It pertains to married/romantic couples but I learned a lot about how each of are so different in the way that we give and receive love. For instance, my H thinks that his going off to work everyday and taking us out to dinner, and taking out the garbage shows us how much he loves us. For me, those things are givens - as I too work and take us out to dinner and clean the house, etc. We had to actually have a discussion about what shows each of us that we love one another outside of the day to day stuff. Just a thought and in line with what Fran was saying.</p><p></p><p>Hugs -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 76516, member: 2211"] I agree with everyone, but I really like Fran's suggestions of asking her how you would better be able to show her that you care. I once did that with difficult child (after a heated argument...). I said, "Okay, so you don't think that I care about you when you're sad or angry or depressed. What can I do that would prove to you that I DO care?" and difficult child stomped away and said - "Forget it mom, you just don't get it!!!!" She was 15 by that time, so I don't know if the age difference will make your daughter's response vary much. But the point is that she will likely have a hard time coming up with anything to suggest. She is the one with this empty space in her for whatever reason and it's very possibly that what smallworld said is also part of what's going on. Perhaps your daughter is not picking up on the body language you're sending out. OR, perhaps she is only seeing it when you're interacting with your son, but not with her. Again, something to work in with her therapist. The ways in which WE express love are often the ways in which we would like to have love expressed to us. However, the persons we are expressing our love to [in the way we want it] are very often not the ways in which they expect, want or see it. I recently read this book titled, "His Needs, Her Needs". It pertains to married/romantic couples but I learned a lot about how each of are so different in the way that we give and receive love. For instance, my H thinks that his going off to work everyday and taking us out to dinner, and taking out the garbage shows us how much he loves us. For me, those things are givens - as I too work and take us out to dinner and clean the house, etc. We had to actually have a discussion about what shows each of us that we love one another outside of the day to day stuff. Just a thought and in line with what Fran was saying. Hugs - [/QUOTE]
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