difficult child showing his colors more

[TerryJ2]

husband took difficult child to his regular psychiatric appointment yesterday and boy, did the sparks fly.
Interesting that it's no longer just mom's fault. Although he did verbally abuse me on the way home (I picked him up) but I was able to ignore it, knowing that he was stressed. He calmed down at home after about 45 min.

First off, husband addressed the issue of getting up difficult child in the a.m. and arguing about taking his pill. It is a totally nonnegotiable item. Basket A. He gave husband a really hard time over the weekend, gave me a hard time, and got in a fight with-his friends last Fri. after orientation. So it's (his anger, whatever) overflowing the family spot and affecting his outside relationships. At any rate, husband said, "Now, you're not going to give me a hard time in the a.m. when you take your pill."
And difficult child replied, "I don't know. It depends upon how I feel."
Say what?!
That was a half hr discussion.
The other half was about lying to both the psychiatric and husband about the panties, and telling the police the truth.
Of course, difficult child said he was embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it, so lying was an avoidance tactic. He just couldn't see the logic and expediency in that telling the truth will get it overwith, and lying makes for other lies, which perpetuates the whole thing and drags it out. Not to mention that it's dishonest.

No surprise that he's home this a.m. with-a stomach ache. I think he's still stressed from yesterday.

 

[crazymama30]

Well, I am glad others are seeing the "real" difficult child, but I am sorry at the same time that he is acting out. Maybe this will help him get the kind of help that he needs.

 

[TerryJ2]

That's what I'm hoping!
Thank you.

 

[gcvmom]

Ugh. Not a fun time right now. Like CM30 said, I hope his acting out helps others figure out exactly what kind of help he needs.

 

[Andy]

How did the psychiatric react? Did he have any suggestions?

For the morning routine - you may want to address that with difficult child - "You are now old enough to take responsibility of getting up in the morning. I will get you an alarm clock radio with a CD player. You can set it to play which ever CD you want to wake up to. Let's figure out what time you need to get up." Ask how much time he would like to shower, dress, eat, gather school bags and coats, etc. Figure out from there what time to get up.

Give him a poster board with colored markers. He can make his morning routine - remember to add the time for medication.

Tell him that if he follows his chart, dad will be much calmer in the morning. In fact, dad will be very impressed that he is mature enough to do this on his own.

I did this with my daughter when she was 10 years old. I think creating a poster is fun. Maybe give difficult child an old magazine to find pictures to decorate each step if he wants.

husband needs to allow difficult child to follow his schedule - no changing the routine - If everything is on the schedule, everything will get done.

And then again, it may not work - just an idea to try to make mornings calmer.

Another crazy suggestion (it does work for my kids) - ask husband to treat difficult child as a guest. Instead of saying, "It is time to go - get you stuff now!" try, "We need to leave in a few minutes, how close to being ready are you?" or "We need to leave in five minutes, will you be able to be ready? Is there anything you need help with?" "How much more time do you need? Can you be ready sooner?" You know, when you have guest, you don't demand that they are ready right now, you work with them to leave on time.