difficult child stold her brothers car and crashed!

[PatriotsGirl]

Holy cow!!! I am so sorry! What a weekend. If it helps any, I too, see it as pure manipulation. My difficult child would do it, too. Deflection. Make you feel bad for them so you are not mad anymore. My difficult child also ruined every holiday and birthday!! It actually came to be expected as sad as that is... (((HUGS)))

 

[exhausted]

It's Monday morning and difficult child is still not home-2 nights now. I see she was ok sat at 5:30 pm because she posted on FB. She is not where she said she would be. Her posts are about a guy and she is mad-they have that gang like tone to them so she has run back to these scary people. She has to work tomorrow morning. I think it is going to be an aweful 2 weeks until we get to court she will just spiral down.

 

[Nancy]

What is wrong with our difficult children? Seriously no matter what consequences they get or they are facing it doesn't stop them. They do what they want when they want to too bad for everyone else. What went wrong in their brains to make them do that?

I'm sorry that she has you on pins and needles once again, more worried about her future than she is.

Hugs,
Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

What is wrong with our difficult children? Seriously no matter what consequences they get or they are facing it doesn't stop them. They do what they want when they want to too bad for everyone else. What went wrong in their brains to make them do that?

Sadly, I think it is no conscious or a conscious covered up by substance addiction.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sadly, I think it is no conscious or a conscious covered up by substance addiction.

Or... covered up by years and years of other issues that have festered and multiplied... (we went through THAT one)

 

[pinevalley]

What is wrong with our difficult child's? When my difficult child was using every day he was totally out of control, and would not listen to anything that we said. Now I know that the drugs had control of our difficult child, and my h and I were talking to the drugs when we were talking to our son.

Did your difficult child come home today? I really hope that she is safe, and that you can stop worrying about her for a little bit. Sending HUGS to you...

 

[exhausted]

She came home about 8:00 is now getting ready for work. No sorry, no happy birthday, no nothing only anger because so and so screwed her over and blah, blah, blah! husband wants her out now! why do I worry so much? She always trots in like nothing is wrong.I guess I worry about when her 9 lives will finially be gone. I want to choke her!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Exhausted,
I'm glad for your peace of mind that she's home. You're in the same exact position as we were one year ago. difficult child put everyone in our family through hell with his selfishness. He turned 18 and we returned all his problems and consequences over to him. Although difficult children have parents who give them good counsel, teach them about commitment and industriousness, the difficult children just avoid all responsibility, deflect blame and make a mess of their lives and the lives of their family members. Time that should be spent building character and resilience are wasted, and they never seem to grow up. The worst part is they don't engage in rational conversation...it always becomes about their frustration and demands. Well, the real world doesn't work that way. Sorry to say, but some kids have to learn everything the hard way, and they leave a lot of broken glass along their journey.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She came home about 8:00 is now getting ready for work. No sorry, no happy birthday, no nothing only anger because so and so screwed her over and blah, blah, blah! husband wants her out now! why do I worry so much? She always trots in like nothing is wrong.I guess I worry about when her 9 lives will finially be gone. I want to choke her!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear this is all complete deja vu from when difficult child lived at home. Oh my word, I do not miss it one bit!!! Neither will you after she is gone, believe me. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Ugh.

 

[Nancy]

I'm with PG, this is so deja vu for me too. They all act the same way, even say the same things. I was your husband, saying I wanted her out now. I just couldn't take the chaos and drama anymore.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

I just couldn't take the chaos and drama anymore. Nancy

This describes me perfectly. I am so tired of being angry - of trying to placate difficult child in order to avoid a fight - of calling difficult child on his stuff - etc. - etc. - etc.

 

[toughlovin]

I am with you all.... my gosh the thought of having difficult child live here again and to go through all that again just makes my blood run cold. As much as I worry about him, as much as I lose sleep over him it is so so much better for all of us if he doesn't live here. And I also find it easier to have him in another state. Really now I can get a call from him, be supportive, listen, ask a few questions but I don't feel so invested in how he behaves or acts. It is a huge relief.

TL

 

[rejectedmom]

As far as the car theft goes I'm not sure how it is in your state but when my difficult child#2 took his (then) girlfriend's car; they could only charge him with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle because he was residing with her.

the thought of having difficult child live here again and to go through all that again just makes my blood run cold. As much as I worry about him, as much as I lose sleep over him it is so so much better for all of us if he doesn't live here. And I also find it easier to have him in another state. Really now I can get a call from him, be supportive, listen, ask a few questions but I don't feel so invested in how he behaves or acts. It is a huge relief.

TL

I can totally relate to that statement. The further away my difficult child is the better I like it. When he lives in the same town as I do I just worry so much about him breaking in and stealing from us and the fall out from neighbors etc. One family member once told me to move away and not tell him where I was going. If only... =RM

 

[Kathy813]

One family member once told me to move away and not tell him where I was going. If only... =RM

That has been a fantasy of mine for a long time!

~Kathy

 

[exhausted]

It just feels like pure **** all of this. Her brother called the cop who gave the ticket to ask why he didn't charge her with theft. They may be able to charge her with joy riding. I think that may be a felony which means she wont get to keep her job no matter what and getting a job if she gets put in jail will be horrid. I know it is her doing, her faukt and I can't let difficult child do this to brother. I am not saying anything to her and not saying anything to the judge. She says she is going to tell the judge to treat her as an adult because there is no way they will put her in an over crowded jail over this. We will have something to say about that manipulation. I am letting God do this one.

I hope you are right about when she is gone and the pain is less here at home. I can't do this any more. I am so tired and always on edge. My husband is so angry and hard to live with. But I guarentee I will be here with major horrible stuff when she is 18. She is so disturbed, delusional and a difficult child to the 10th power. I wish there were miracles!

 

[Nancy]

I wish there were miracles for you too. There will be more peace when she is out of the house. It will be sad and you will have a broken heart for a while and things will be different but in time you will relax and see that there is so much more to life than living in chaos with an addict. I understand your husband, I really do. My husband and I never ever fought except for difficult child. Now that she is gone it is very pleasant around here. I still have profound sadness and worry but even that is getting better.

I want things to get better for you.

Nancy

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm sorry exhausted, I believe everything that Nancy said is true, it is much easier when they don't live with you and although your heart is wounded, you don't have to go through the dramatic intensity they live in day in and day out. My heart goes out to you, I understand exactly how you feel. I hope until you can live in your home without your difficult child, that you can find some comfort and peace doing things for yourself which bring some joy. Hugs and prayers are coming your way................

 

[DammitJanet]

It is only unauthorized use of a motor vehicle if they steal a car from a person who lives in the same house that they do. I know it sounds crazy. I found that out when Cory took my car so many times. It was one of the reasons the cops never bothered to look for him very hard. They told me to not bother pressing charges because he brought it home, they wouldnt do anything to him.

 

[lovemysons]

Exhausted...
I only just read of all the trauma your family has been through as of this morning.
All day long I have thought about your situation (and prayed)...Mostly just feeling so sad for you, husband and easy child.
Our difficult child's can be so incredibly selfish, destructive, manipulative...and we are left feeling so helpless.
My hope is that you and husband will find the strength to carry on...to not let difficult child take anymore from you. Your peace or your sanity.

I don't have any answers...Only a suggestion that you might want to try some more Al Anon or Families Anon meetings if you havent' lately.

I just feel so bad for you all.
Thinking of you,
Hugs,
LMS

 

[exhausted]

Thank you so much for all your support-I am very greatful.